Can't say I'm really GLAD to be here....

[va_gurl]

But here I am. Nothing against all of the wonderful people here of course...

I just found out from my Dr. yesterday, but noticed the first sore last Monday. I'm a 31 year old single mother of two boys (3 and 13), and I was stupid, stupid, stupid.

After not having sex since becoming pregnant with my 3 year old (May of '03), I had unprotected sex with a guy I've not even known a full month.... THEN, days later I had unprotected sex with my son's father (after no having sex w/ him for a long time), and a few days later noticed a discharge. No problem, bacterial infections were not new to me, but the burning/discomfort and ulcer on my inner labia that came along with it was, and within a few days, the funky yellow discharge was basically running down my leg (TMI, I know). Went to the Dr., asked him straight out if he thought it was herpes, he said "yes, but let's wait for the test results". He then wrote me a prescription for Valtrex, an antibiotic for the discharge (which turned out to be cervicitis brought on by the hurt-pes), and lidocaine gel to numb the area (thank God!). I then proceeded to hope/pray/wish it was something foreign, bacterial, ie. curable.

Well, my hope was pretty much shattered when my son's father called me last week to tell me he had a sore on his penis that he wanted me to look at. I did, it looked like mine, and I pretty much knew then we both had herpes, and worse, it was probably my fault. He ended up going to the Dr. as well, and his dr. too told him he thought it was herpes and gave him Valtrex.

His tests haven't come back yet, but when I called my dr. yesterday for my results, I found out the two spots they tested (one just looked like a hair bump) were both positive for HSV-2.

I am so angry, mad and ashamed at myself. Not only have I ruined my health, but I've compromised someone else's as well. Luckily, we haven't played the 'blame game', and he's been VERY supportive - which I didn't expect - but this is something I definitely wanted to avoid. I have a 3-year old that still sleeps in my bed, and of course, our genitalia never touch, but I worry about other things like wet/damp towels, wash cloths, dirty underwear in the hamper, etc. And I wash my hands like crazy. I also worry about kissing him. Of course, this isn't an issue w/ my 13 year old son, but my 3-yr old still loves giving mom big, wet kisses on the lips, and it KILLS me to stop, and not knowing if I should still do that or not. And I'm constantly worried about transmitting it to my eyes, mouth, etc.

Add to that, me and my son's father are both struggling financially (we're not together). We both have jobs and insurance, but even with insurance, the ONE WEEK supply of Valtrex cost me $27, so I'm guessing between $80-$100/mo is what I'm going to have to come up with to HOPEFULLY lessen any future outbreaks.... Yet life (and bills) still go on. I feel like such a f*** up and a loser and I haven't even gotten to the stigma attached, the lifestyle change and contemplating having to tell someone in the future. My life right now consists of "before herpes and after herpes", and I just don't know what to do right now or how to get through this. Any help, advise, experience or even kind words would be helpful and welcome.

[bluefrog]

you are bound to get great support and information and help here. I am newly diagnosed, a single 44 year old mother of 4. I too feel like a fuck up, a loser, dirty, etc. all for trusting somebody and not practicing safe sex. I also dread having to tell any future possible partners, ugh, that is just god-awful scary even thinking about it. But, we have to deal, accept, learn and change our lifestyles. this site is a great place to start, and the ONLY place for me to vent, share, learn and deal with this virus. Good luck, hang in there......

[BoxofRain]

If you ONLY have genital herpes then kissing your child is totally fine to do and there is no way your mouth area could spread the virus if you only have it genitally. If you are unsure if you have it in your mouth then thats a different story but having it genitally means you can infect people if they come in contact with your genital area( or if you touch the genital area and immediately touch someone else...but you have to have the virus active on the skin to even be a remote chance of doing so). I know it sucks and is so scary to find out you have this. I just turned 24 and found out I had this a few months after turning 22, while in the middle of a monogamous relationship for 3 years at that point (b/f never had a symptom ever and had no clue he had been carrying it for over 3 years...before we even met). It feels like your life is over and truthfully I still feel like that a lot of the time but I know its not healthy and not everyone with herpes feels like I do. You might be lucky and only get outbreaks once in a while, or better yet, not at all. The tough part is more the mental side of things, rather than the physical(though that is sometimes no picnic....worse for some than others) but generally speaking. I hope things look up for you and that you find some comfort. Always know at least you have this forum and people who all know exactly how you are feeling to make it a little easier on you. I wish you the best of luck and hope you experience herpes very mildly compared to some (myself included) and I hope you get love and support from those you choose to trust with this news.

[Caliope]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It is especially hard in the beginning, right after initial diagnosis. The more you learn the easier it will be to conduct life like normal.

Just to add if you gave this same man oral sex you could have infected your mouth.

As for the Valtrex. I hear it is a superior antiviral but if cost is prohibitive there is also Zovirax and the generic form is Acyclovir. Valtrex breaks down to Acyclovir in your blood stream so it is very similar the difference is that the Valtrex formulation stays at a higher percentage in the blood stream for longer so you can take it less frequently but the Acyclovir is much much less expensive.

[gutted.]

its a shame in america u have to pay for all your tablets at an extortionate rate...

one thing good about ol england.