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Can't say I'm really GLAD to be here....


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But here I am. Nothing against all of the wonderful people here of course...;)

I just found out from my Dr. yesterday, but noticed the first sore last Monday. I'm a 31 year old single mother of two boys (3 and 13), and I was stupid, stupid, stupid.

After not having sex since becoming pregnant with my 3 year old (May of '03), I had unprotected sex with a guy I've not even known a full month.... THEN, days later I had unprotected sex with my son's father (after no having sex w/ him for a long time), and a few days later noticed a discharge. No problem, bacterial infections were not new to me, but the burning/discomfort and ulcer on my inner labia that came along with it was, and within a few days, the funky yellow discharge was basically running down my leg (TMI, I know). Went to the Dr., asked him straight out if he thought it was herpes, he said "yes, but let's wait for the test results". He then wrote me a prescription for Valtrex, an antibiotic for the discharge (which turned out to be cervicitis brought on by the hurt-pes), and lidocaine gel to numb the area (thank God!). I then proceeded to hope/pray/wish it was something foreign, bacterial, ie. curable.

Well, my hope was pretty much shattered when my son's father called me last week to tell me he had a sore on his penis that he wanted me to look at. I did, it looked like mine, and I pretty much knew then we both had herpes, and worse, it was probably my fault. He ended up going to the Dr. as well, and his dr. too told him he thought it was herpes and gave him Valtrex.

His tests haven't come back yet, but when I called my dr. yesterday for my results, I found out the two spots they tested (one just looked like a hair bump) were both positive for HSV-2.

I am so angry, mad and ashamed at myself. Not only have I ruined my health, but I've compromised someone else's as well. Luckily, we haven't played the 'blame game', and he's been VERY supportive - which I didn't expect - but this is something I definitely wanted to avoid. I have a 3-year old that still sleeps in my bed, and of course, our genitalia never touch, but I worry about other things like wet/damp towels, wash cloths, dirty underwear in the hamper, etc. And I wash my hands like crazy. I also worry about kissing him. Of course, this isn't an issue w/ my 13 year old son, but my 3-yr old still loves giving mom big, wet kisses on the lips, and it KILLS me to stop, and not knowing if I should still do that or not. And I'm constantly worried about transmitting it to my eyes, mouth, etc.

Add to that, me and my son's father are both struggling financially (we're not together). We both have jobs and insurance, but even with insurance, the ONE WEEK supply of Valtrex cost me $27, so I'm guessing between $80-$100/mo is what I'm going to have to come up with to HOPEFULLY lessen any future outbreaks.... Yet life (and bills) still go on. I feel like such a f*** up and a loser and I haven't even gotten to the stigma attached, the lifestyle change and contemplating having to tell someone in the future. My life right now consists of "before herpes and after herpes", and I just don't know what to do right now or how to get through this. Any help, advise, experience or even kind words would be helpful and welcome.

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you are bound to get great support and information and help here. I am newly diagnosed, a single 44 year old mother of 4. I too feel like a fuck up, a loser, dirty, etc. all for trusting somebody and not practicing safe sex. I also dread having to tell any future possible partners, ugh, that is just god-awful scary even thinking about it. But, we have to deal, accept, learn and change our lifestyles. this site is a great place to start, and the ONLY place for me to vent, share, learn and deal with this virus. Good luck, hang in there......

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If you ONLY have genital herpes then kissing your child is totally fine to do and there is no way your mouth area could spread the virus if you only have it genitally. If you are unsure if you have it in your mouth then thats a different story but having it genitally means you can infect people if they come in contact with your genital area( or if you touch the genital area and immediately touch someone else...but you have to have the virus active on the skin to even be a remote chance of doing so). I know it sucks and is so scary to find out you have this. I just turned 24 and found out I had this a few months after turning 22, while in the middle of a monogamous relationship for 3 years at that point (b/f never had a symptom ever and had no clue he had been carrying it for over 3 years...before we even met). It feels like your life is over and truthfully I still feel like that a lot of the time but I know its not healthy and not everyone with herpes feels like I do. You might be lucky and only get outbreaks once in a while, or better yet, not at all. The tough part is more the mental side of things, rather than the physical(though that is sometimes no picnic....worse for some than others) but generally speaking. I hope things look up for you and that you find some comfort. Always know at least you have this forum and people who all know exactly how you are feeling to make it a little easier on you. I wish you the best of luck and hope you experience herpes very mildly compared to some (myself included) and I hope you get love and support from those you choose to trust with this news.

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I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It is especially hard in the beginning, right after initial diagnosis. The more you learn the easier it will be to conduct life like normal.

Just to add if you gave this same man oral sex you could have infected your mouth.

As for the Valtrex. I hear it is a superior antiviral but if cost is prohibitive there is also Zovirax and the generic form is Acyclovir. Valtrex breaks down to Acyclovir in your blood stream so it is very similar the difference is that the Valtrex formulation stays at a higher percentage in the blood stream for longer so you can take it less frequently but the Acyclovir is much much less expensive.

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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