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Scared, Depressed, and Lonley

Angel Honey

By Angel Honey
in Newly Diagnosed

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Angel Honey Honeycomb Member

Angel Honey

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I don't really know where to start. I have only told a few close friends and my Mother.

About a month ago I was at the doctors office for a bladder infection, and asked my doctor to do an HIV/AIDS and STDs test. It had been about 6 months since my last test, so I wanted to have it done again. A week later the nurse called me and told me that I had HSV-1 (I knew I had that since I was a kid) then she shocked me when she said I have HSV-2 genital herpes.

When I hung up the phone I was in shock and just sat there feeling as if my life was over, at least my chances of ever finding a man to love, and who will love me.

I hadn't even known that I had genital herpes. I had always thought that the few times I had gotten a bump in my genital area that it was just my jeans being too tight in the crotch and rubbed it too hard and made a bump. Once I thought it might be more when I had one when I was a the gynecologist. I asked him about it and he said it was just an ingrown hair. So I dismissed it. The tests I had, had done never were positive for it. So I thought I was clean.

I felt anger at my doctor for telling me that it was only an ingrown hair. If I had known earlier I wouldn't have had unprotected sex with someone who I knew had been tested monthly and was clean.

Now I fear of always being alone now. How could anyone even think of having a relationship with me when I have herpes. I will always just be a friend, never a girlfriend. At least that is how I feel. I feel like anyone I meet and like, I will lose as soon as I tell them that I have genital herpes. I am an honest person and will not deceive someone even if it means I will lose the chance of it ever being more than friendship.

Sorry for making this so long. I'll stop there for now.

I'm glad I found this place and hope to get some help here.

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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angel honey, my dr's misdiagnosed me for years. when I found out I was certain it would destroy the relationship I was in. as soon as I got the news he was the first person I called. it was devastating to me to hear his voice and the words "I love you, I'll always love you but we can never have sex again."

I wasn't even 2 hours into my diagnosis and I heard that. I was sure my life was never going to be the same. But several days later he called me back and asked me to find a way to make this work. It's only been a few months but we're still together.

I know it's hard but I couldn't be dishonest either. I can't tell other people what is right for them but for me there is no other way.

I do believe though that there are different levels of friendship and there are some people who I will not tell. A person has to earn my trust before I unburden my soul.

I will not, however, put someone's life in jeopardy by not telling them if they need to know. If I ever have a relationship with a man, if my current relationship should end, I will tell them before I get too attached and before we get romantically involved. I would rather be alone forever than to deceive someone.

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JRTJRT Established Member

JRTJRT

Posted
Posted
I am an honest person and will not deceive someone even if it means I will lose the chance of it ever being more than friendship.

I will not, however, put someone's life in jeopardy by not telling them if they need to know. If I ever have a relationship with a man, if my current relationship should end, I will tell them before I get too attached and before we get romantically involved. I would rather be alone forever than to deceive someone.

I wish there were more quality women out there like you two. Whoever you end up with is lucky to have you, both of you.

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Angel Honey Honeycomb Member

Angel Honey

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angel honey, my dr's misdiagnosed me for years. when I found out I was certain it would destroy the relationship I was in. as soon as I got the news he was the first person I called. it was devastating to me to hear his voice and the words "I love you, I'll always love you but we can never have sex again."

I wasn't even 2 hours into my diagnosis and I heard that. I was sure my life was never going to be the same. But several days later he called me back and asked me to find a way to make this work. It's only been a few months but we're still together.

I know it's hard but I couldn't be dishonest either. I can't tell other people what is right for them but for me there is no other way.

I do believe though that there are different levels of friendship and there are some people who I will not tell. A person has to earn my trust before I unburden my soul.

I will not, however, put someone's life in jeopardy by not telling them if they need to know. If I ever have a relationship with a man, if my current relationship should end, I will tell them before I get too attached and before we get romantically involved. I would rather be alone forever than to deceive someone.

Thank you for sharing this Caliope! Huggles. I appreciate it so much.

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