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My story


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I'm new to this disease and new to the site. Just wanted to share my story like so many of you have.

I was in a relationship with someone I truley loved. She was spontanious, loving, and a fantastic lover. We fucked like rabbits unprotected for 6 months. We had just recently been tested within the last year for everything and we trusted each other. One day after sex she noticed 2 tiny sores on my penis. I didn't feel any pain before that and was scared as hell, confused and just plain exhausted from thinking about it. They couldn't get me in for an exam for 4 days. At the end of the 4 days she contracted the virus. It was just devastating to see it. I went in for the check up and tested positive. Which I knew I was. The problem here is she blames me for giving it to her. I kind of find it hard to believe when I only had 2 lovers including her for the last 3 years and all of a sudden BAM we're both infected just like that. Anyway, we don't talk to each other anymore at all. I think about her often and hope she's ok. She gets so pissed off if I try and contact her. It just sucks that this happened. We were a beutiful thing that just ended in disaster. I did all kinds of research on herpes and found out I could have had it for years and didn't know it. I keep blaming myself for this but on the other hand I have a lot of questions about her. I am learning to cope with this disease the best I can. My symptoms are almost non existant and her's are extremely painful. I wish I didn't love her sometimes. Would have been easier to move on I think. Anyway that's my story.

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It is sad that she blamed you. It must be difficult that you still love and think of her.

It is entirely possible that either one of you could have been exposed to hsv many years or months before you were together. The fact that you were the one who had a visible ob is not irrefutable evidence that the virus originated with you, it only proves that you were having an active ob at that time. it would be next to impossible to know for certain who had it first and placing blame does nothing to change the situation. even individuals who both have hsv can re-infect one another.

The number of sexual partners an individual has in their lifetime is in no way representative of whether a person will or will not contract std's it is only a method whereby dr's can identify potentially at risk individuals. A person can be a technical virgin and participate in oral sex practices and contract hsv. A person can have oral hsv (coldsores) and never participate in any sexual act at all.

There are several type of misinformation that make things worse, one common belief is that using condoms is "safe sex." A person can contract hsv while using condoms because hsv can infect skin that is not covered by a condom and another has to do with std testing most people are unaware that standard std testing does not include testing for hsv and often hsv testing renders false negative results which can give you a false sense of security.

this is a link that I found helpful when I was first diagnosed you might find it helpful as well.


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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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