So what IS it with people?

[dbc1951]

I figured I had nothing to lose by trying one website another time. I sent an email to one woman describing myself and what I was looking for. Most women appear to be curious why I am not married.

I told this woman that I had been married, liked being married, but didn't appreciate getting hsv from my wife. I didn't rant and rave about it because that's immature and serves no purpose.

Her reply, which was the FIRST I've received from the site, stated that I wasn't her type because I was still in the "my ex gave it to me" stage. The reason we divorced wasn't the hsv it was her total lack of honesty and integrity. I was dumb enough to think that was implied in the statement but obviously not.

that surprises me because if I'm interested in someone, but can't get past a statement---I ask them exactly what they mean.

Oh well. live and learn.

[WaxedWrong]

some people just read things diffrently, then whats intended.

[Caliope]

Honestly the problem with most email or online formats is that readers have nothing but what is right in front of them and take stuff either too literally or don't give room for compromises or negotiations in their perceptions. I wonder if sometimes less is more.

At least you keep trying and as hard and disappointing as I know that must be for you I am hoping that your persistance will pay off.

best wishes

[uk girl]

If there was a group of people reading one of these posts,we would all individually come up with a different conclusion as to what it meant, some would see it as ok, some would take offence etc..

Don't give up!!

[TanyaMc]

I agree, online discussion is often tough because there's no tone or physical gestures attached to statements like that. I'd suggest trying to polite explain yourself farther. If she won't hear it - she's not worth the time anyway.

[dbc1951]

I agree, online discussion is often tough because there's no tone or physical gestures attached to statements like that. I'd suggest trying to polite explain yourself farther. If she won't hear it - she's not worth the time anyway.

Unfortunately, another woman wasn't happy when I DIDN'T offer any opinions so you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. However, I do plan on telling everyone I was thrilled when she gave me hsv [sarcasm] so maybe that'll work. I thought about sending another email but I had already deleted the first one since she was so dismissive.

[Weezie]

I was on a website once and had put that I was only interested in chat/email. This guy sent me an email and asked where I was from. When I told him I didn't like saying it (cause of comfort issues, etc), he sent me an email lamenting about how I should say where I'm from cause men may waste their time talking to me if they want a local girlfriend and so on. He obviously didn't take the time to read where I put TALK/EMAIL only on my profile. Nor did he bother to read on my profile where I again said I was only looking for friendship. Some people skim where they really shouldn't. I didn't bother answering his email back because I figured what was the point, he probably would only read half and maybe think I was saying something completely different. People.....we're an interesting species.

[dbc1951]

I was on a website once and had put that I was only interested in chat/email. This guy sent me an email and asked where I was from. When I told him I didn't like saying it (cause of comfort issues, etc), he sent me an email lamenting about how I should say where I'm from cause men may waste their time talking to me if they want a local girlfriend and so on. He obviously didn't take the time to read where I put TALK/EMAIL only on my profile. Nor did he bother to read on my profile where I again said I was only looking for friendship. Some people skim where they really shouldn't. I didn't bother answering his email back because I figured what was the point, he probably would only read half and maybe think I was saying something completely different. People.....we're an interesting species.

I don't have any problems with anything you've done. You indicated clearly what you wanted and that that was ALL that you wanted. If a guy chooses to bother you then he has only himself to blame if you ignore him.

Most women will ask if you've ever been involved and/or married and if you have what happened. Am I supposed to say "Gee, I sure appreciated getting that little virus. It wasn't even my birthday yet!". If you're married you definitely have to expect that your mate will be honest with you. She wasn't.

I really begin to wonder why I even bother.

[katymom]

Just my own thoughts as I read your post...

I think the womans issue was not thinking that you got divorced b/c of the HSV, but that it seems as though you're not quite moved apst the whole situation. Like others have stated, written text is much harder to communicate through than person to person conversations, especially when it comes to serious issues.

I think that when you respond in that way, you are in some way defining yourself and your dating potential by your HSV exposure in marriage. Does that make sense. You got divorced b/c your wife cheated on you and lied.

I got divorced for the same reasons, but when people ask me about it, I don't throw all the details out b/c that's old history, behind me adn not what's important right now. If the conversation goes that way and someone is interested in all the details, I tell the long sordid story, I have no problem telling it.

When you throw out your most personal, devastating issue right away in the casual, chit chat conversation, many people will be turned off. If the baggage shows up on the very first introduction, that means there's a whole lot more behind it, you know?

[dbc1951]

Just my own thoughts as I read your post...

I think the womans issue was not thinking that you got divorced b/c of the HSV, but that it seems as though you're not quite moved apst the whole situation. Like others have stated, written text is much harder to communicate through than person to person conversations, especially when it comes to serious issues.

I think that when you respond in that way, you are in some way defining yourself and your dating potential by your HSV exposure in marriage. Does that make sense. You got divorced b/c your wife cheated on you and lied.

I got divorced for the same reasons, but when people ask me about it, I don't throw all the details out b/c that's old history, behind me adn not what's important right now. If the conversation goes that way and someone is interested in all the details, I tell the long sordid story, I have no problem telling it.

When you throw out your most personal, devastating issue right away in the casual, chit chat conversation, many people will be turned off. If the baggage shows up on the very first introduction, that means there's a whole lot more behind it, you know?

As I stated earlier, I didn't drone on about it as others do. I have also gotten some negative reaction from women because I haven't discussed it and haven't said why I divorced. So what exactly is it that I'm supposed to say???

[Caliope]

I'm just jumping in again and I thought to myself that although I would never attempt to meet someone by way of a on-line forum what would my response be to a written bio if I was.

First, for someone to respond at all to me means that something in your post got their attention or they felt compelled to respond to either "feel out" the situation or because they "were interested in some way".

Personally I think that if someone wants the details on why you divorced it would be because they are trouble shooting around the situation to see if there were deep issues involved such as 1) are you over the ex-wife, 2) would you consider getting married again, 3) is there some reason to avoid you, 4) was there a legitimate, acceptable reason that any normal person would have done the same.

If I get this right the answer is that there were trust issues in the relationship and because your ex couldn't be honest with you it caused the demise of the relationship which means you had strong ethics about honesty and you respected yourself enough to disconnect yourself from a relationship that was unbalanced.

[dbc1951]

I would prefer to meet people face to face myself but it just doesn't work in the area I'm at. Working late doesn't help matters.

To be honest, I believe the person responded because she probably had had a bad experience with someone who was still angry with their ex. We're all still angry to a greater or lesser extent---and if you say you aren't I have some beach front property in Nebraska to sell you, but most of us deal with it. I have--she didn;t think so---end of discussion there.

For ANYONE to enter a relationship with an std and knowingly infect their partner shows a lack of honesty and basic decency. She knew she had it because she told me so--and later threatened to tell others that I had given it to HER if I said anything. She never explained to her children they were adopted---and I believe adoptive children should be told. She carried on an email correspondence with another man---I know because she left ALWAYS left the email open. I could go on but you get the point.