I am angry and feel as though my world is upside down

[reddragonfly]

I am waiting for the results of my blood test to confirm whether or not I have contracted genital herpes. I am angry because I made a mistake. I drank too much one night and I went home with someone that I had known for a little over a year. He had been asking me out from day one. I had a feeling about him and I ignored it. I asked that he use a condom, but now that I have had three weeks to think about it I never saw a condom or wrapper in the trash leading me to believe he just did not give a sh*&! I contacted him and he denied and said he had been tested four months ago for everything. He was the first person I had had sex with in seven months! Everyone I have slept with in the past three years, all three of them, I used protection! Now this jerk will not return my phone calls to let me know if he had been to the doctor and found out if he is infected. I am so depressed. I have missed out on work, I don't have health insurance, I have no rights if he knowingly infected me, and I am really just plain mad. Does anyone else suffer from depression because of this? I want to get on medication for depression, but I am taking Acyclovir on a daily basis can I take antidepressants? I am just so confused right now. I don't even know where to start. I know I need to take better care of myself. I know I have been drinking and smoking way too much. Any advice?

[bluefrog]

what caused you to get blood work done? did you have a rash or symptoms???

[reddragonfly]

I started to have symptoms three weeks ago today. I noticed bumps on my genitals and immediatley made an appointment with a clinic. I could not get into the doctor until the next wednesday and unfortunately I got bit by a dog that attacked my dog and had to go to the ER. I had to ER doctor examine me and he said he believed it to be genital herpes and began treatment with Acyclovir. By the time I had my appointment at planned parenthood they could not swab the sores because I was in the healing phase. The nurse told me that since I had only been exposed to the virus two weeks before the appointment it most likely would not show in my blood, therefore I had to go in this past Friday to have blood drawn and I should know for sure in 7 to 10 days. I really just hate the not knowing. I am 31, I don't sleep around, and now I really am angry. I just don't know.

[uk girl]

Society makes us believe that STD'S are caught by sleeping around,we know that is not the case,that is pure ignorance.

The waiting is hard i know, but it wont help you getting worked up ,keep busy,pamper yourself,read as much info as you can.

You would need to ask your doctor about taking antidepressants and Acyclovir.

This site is amazing for help support and advice,we have all been there.

Take care

[Shayna]

Hey reddragonfly...

I feel ya! I was infected by someone who knew they had it, and didn't tell me. I had some nasty fantasies of what I wanted to do to him...But have since let them go. I feel much better now, and frankly, I could give a rip about him now. He doesn't deserve that much energy.

I know it's really hard, and I think it takes some time to be able to let go of the anger, and the emotional hangover.

What has helped me is to take good care of myself. I take a lot of walks which really helps! I take bubble baths and paint my nails. I try to do things that make me feel good. Making sure you eat well, don't over do the drinking, or smoking will help you feel better and also.

Take care

[BoxofRain]

long reply

I know its easy to blame someone but you need to seriously get educated about this because there is a good chance your last partner did not in fact give it to you, or that he truly had no idea he had it for a millions reasons.

First, if he was tested 4 months ago for "all stds" he needs to know THEY DONT TEST FOR HERPES on tests for "all" stds unless you specifically ask for a blood test specific to herpes in addition to the testing. I am sure he wasnt tested for herpes specifically and probably was in fact clean of all "other" stds. Also, even if he was tested for herpes(which he could obtain a copy of the results if he really was tested) it would not matter because herpes can take weeks to months AFTER being infected to show.....sometimes years. So, if he had sex with anyone before the testing or since the testing HE COULD HAVE IT and never ever know if he has (and continues to have) no symptoms.

Also, there is a chance you could have had it for years and never known (and no you never need to have infected any past lovers or passed it on to have it....its the luck of the draw really in who you infect or dont, as well as if you have had it for a while and have never had symptoms(which millions dont actually get...they just shed it asymptomatically and have no clue they have it till blood work or randomly their partner gets it from them unknowingly, or they all of a sudden get visible symptoms.

the only thing in your favor is that you recently got visible symptoms and if you were recently infected then the antibodies may not be present yet in the blood work, but will show up in future blood work and then you can assume it was a new infection and the antibodies just havent built up yet. Theres always a fluke chance you had it and never got an outbreak and your blood would not have produced antibodies until you did (although you had the virus all the while never knowing....which has happened to some people but usually the rule of thumb is if the antibodies arent in the blood at the first test (after visible symptoms) and then appear in the next blood testing a few weeks later, then its recent. That might be your only clue. There are always variations and exceptions when it comes to this so dont blame anyone, it doesnt solve anything, and it could just as easily been you who had it and never knew due to never having symptoms. Also, please note that annual papsmears DO NOT test for herpes and unless you have consistently had blood work for herpes since your first sexual encounter, you can never be sure.

Theres a good chance even if this last guy did have it and gave it to you, that he TRULY had NO CLUE he had it because he didnt understand std testing doesnt test for it unless you specify, and he also may not have ever had any symptoms that ever led him to believe he could have it( hence why he might still be so reluctant to even think its possible for him to have) He also may not understand the time lapse for antibodies to who up, or isnt even thinking about people he slept with before or after that testing 4 months prior to meeting you ya know?

You just cant assume anything. And just so you know, it is totally possible to have contracted herpes WHILE using condoms with all partners, as condoms dont protect a hundred percent against herpes anyway, so there really is about a million possibilities and I know its easy to blame someone but it solves nothing and you might be totally wrong and in that case he deserves no blame at all.

Anger and stress can perpetuate your symptoms and the frequency of outbreaks so try and stop blaming someone(who truly might not even have it or known) and focus on yourself and feeling better and taking care of yourself. I know it is the hardest thing to do but it really is the best thing to do right now. I hope things start to look up soon for you.

[reddragonfly]

I am not blaming anyone for what has happened to me. I know that I put myself in this situation! I am educating myself about what is going on in my life right now. A little understanding that it has only been three weeks would be nice.

[Caliope]

When I first got my diagnosis I absolutely hit the roof. I couldn't even conceptualize what my future could possible have in it that wouldn't be shit. I felt complete and total despair. I also felt that I'd have no one to share the awful details with and I'd simply implode under the weight of this secret and to add to it my bf refused to even accept the idea that he could have it or have even given it to me or that we could still be a couple.

Fast forward a few months and I realize that the entire idea of a contagious disease with no cure and the social stigma I attached to it was what caused my reaction. Today I also realize that we are responsible for our thoughts and for me to believe my life was over was a lie that I told myself.

I'm still with my bf. He is totally supportive. He doesn't have hsv to my knowledge and I accept that he's in denial about testing. I'm moving forward and even though the symptoms suck I just put my head up, ignore the pain, take a few antivirals and pain pills, put a big fat smile on my face and enjoy my day. Except for the discomfort life is no different and the realization of where I was 6 months ago makes me cherish each day.

Things do get better with time. It's hard to accept this diagnosis but it is not the end.

[badkarma]

First of all, I went through a lot to finally get a diagnosis and I'm glad that you are going with the blood test. I'm not here to tell my story but just that I feel your pain...literally. Everyone here knows how everyone else feels because we all have that same "feeling". When I heard all the negatives and finally got a positive diagnosis, I was super shocked, yet relieved. All herpes has done for me is made me look at my life from a different angle. Everybody out there has something wrong with them and plenty of shameful secrets, but all we have is a rash in the genitals that last a few weeks and goes away. Rarely causing any harmful effects other than the mental frustration that your only gonna be able to come to terms with yourself. I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time, but you just need to accept it if that is what you have. I don't know what the future holds, but you know what, it doesn't look that bad. With all the lifelong diseases out there, I think we lucked out pretty good. Also the research on herpes is really taking off and who knows, there could be a cure someday. Keep your head up and find yourself. "God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I CANNOT change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" think about it