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married 21 years on the 28th


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Hello, I am Kelly. I have been married for 21 years on the 28th. Today my husband was tested for herpes and YESTERDAY i was. we both agree it looks and feels like all the "stuff" we have read....but we are struggling so hard. we are are a normal family with 3 girls. 16 year old Rikki (girl) 17 year old Layce and 18 year old Breanna. 21 years and no breakouts and no problems. Now both of us at once I am frustrated and sooooo depressed. Can it stay in our bodies that long? can it suddenly come out and change EVERYTHING this fast? I need help. Oh, Yea! I had quadruple bypass 2 years ago and wonder if this will affect my heart in any way?


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kelli - yes it can hide for decades or the symptoms can be identified as something completely different. for me it is headaches, sciatica and itching.

The hsv should not effect your heart. hsv lives in the nervous system it is not in your blood or in your heart muscle.

this link might explain some stuff.


I'm wondering if one of you has suffered from cold sores in the past and you didn't know it was herpes and it finally made it's way around. You didn't mention if either of you thought it was genital or oral. Cold sores can cause genital herpes infections if oral sex is performed during an ob.

Stress is one of the most significant factors I have encountered to bring on ob's after a long period of having none. For me it was losing a loved one. I can bet that dealing with 3 teenaged girls and the recovery from a bypass could introduce some extra stress into your lives.

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RE: married for 21 years

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your diagnosis. I understand your shock completely, because I have been in three monogomous relationships in twenty years, and would have known if any of the three had cold sores, at least (I have maintained contact with my ex-husband....we have kids together, and the one man before that remained my friend up until a year ago). Somehow, this virus lingered in ME from more than 20 years ago and decided to pop up now for the first time. I am so sorry.....wish I had something encouraging to say....but I'm new at this, too. I could just relate to your shock at the length of time it must have been dormant....and wanted you to know you're not alone. Please take care.....write me back if you want or need to talk again.

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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