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I am almost 40 years old, and have been in three monogamous relationships in the past twenty years. None of the men had symptoms. I suddenly came down with what was diagnosed as genital herpes this past Friday. I do not understand how this could happen to me. I know my husband and I have been faithful, and we have been married for over 8 years. How could this lie dormant for so long? I had just stayed in a hotel the previous weekend (of questionable cleanliness--the bedspread was stained and dirty). Could I have picked it up from a washcloth or towel??? Any advise would be appreciated. I am so depressed and scared....I am on Valtrex but developed a second lesion today.

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Hi Susan

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through, but you have come to the right place,on here you will meet people who understand what you are going through, as they have been there themselves.

Not all people experience symptoms with Herpes, they can just be a carrier,but can shed the virus without knowing.

Have you been diagnosed by a doctor?

Do you know if you have HSV1 or HSV2?

Had any of your partners suffered with oral coldsores?

These are herpes and can be transmitted to the genital area via oral sex,

Herpes can lie dormant in your body for years without giving any symptoms then for some reason will cause an outbreak.

I have read that the herpes virus only lives for a very short time outside the body,so to catch it from a bed spread etc is unlikely.

The best thing you can do is make an appointment if you haven't already to see a doctor, read up on all the facts, this site is really informative, look after yourself regarding what you eat, try not to get stressed, run down, you really need to boost your immune system, a lot of posts will be able to inform you of what they find works, regarding vitamins and foods to avoid.

This site was a life saver to me in the early days(which was only March this year)

The early days seem very bleak, just keep reading as much info as you can,keep talking to your husband,the bad days don't last forver!!

Take care

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susan - I want to second everything uk-girl just shared. she is correct.

This virus is sneaky and it could have been dormant for many years in either you or one of your partners. It doesn't mean that someone was unfaithful.

More than likely someone was exposed to coldsores in their lifetime and perhaps never exhibited symptoms or could not remember ever having symptoms and somehow during a period when it was asymptomatically shedding you came into contact with it.

Often in latent infections there is some critical point that is reached and the virus becomes active. This could be either in your body or that of a partner who infected you.

I advise you to get a full physical and find out if there is something going on that could be causing this ob outside of the hsv itself. Your partner may want to have a full physical as well just on the odd chance that there is some other health factor at work to cause the virus to become active.

further if you have had an ob your partner should be tested to find out if he has it as well. the virus is very contagious during active ob's. also many hsv sufferers find it is more active in sunny weather especially for herpes coldsores.

this link might be helpful.


my best to you.

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Thanks to you both for responding. My husband and I have not had any blood tests yet. I guess he should call our GP and talk to him about it. Thank goodness he is being very supportive of me so far. I am still in complete shock as to how this happened to me. I hate the stigma attached to this virus. I've gotten some supplements and started them today. I'm hoping the Valtrex will kick in soon (I've had only four doses so far). I've read on this site it should working after a few days. Is there anyone out there that really has ended up having just one initial flare up and then no more outbreaks???? I keep reading that it's possible, but haven't been able to find anyone to confirm that directly. Oh, and yes, I saw the doctor Friday (I NEVER could have expected that diagnosis). He assured me it could have been dormant in me for 20 years, and he diagnosed me based on my symptoms and looking at the lesion. He took some kind of sample of it, and those results should be back in a week or two. Will that tell me if I have Type 1 or 2?? Or do I need the blood test for that? None of my three partners in the past 20 years ever had cold sores that I noticed. I'm still in close contact with two of them (one is my husband, one is my ex). Frankly, everything that I'm reading is just scaring me more. This sounds like a horrible disease, and I am mortified that I am going to have to deal with this forever.

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Susan if you had a swab culture and the result is positive you may rely on it being accurate because this virus is difficult to culture in a lab. The result should include which strand of virus it is and if it is hsv 1 or hsv 2.

The viruses are nearly identical and frankly the stigma seems to only be about the fact that it has a connection to sex. You can have either virus in either location as well as anywhere on your body.

It is possible that you will have this one ob and nothing further. That is not the case for me.

As for the stigma when pushed I tell people I have shingles. Not sexual partners of course but others. Yes I know it is a lie but I'd rather not have to explain.

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    • Ric12321
      it's actually because of bareback bj...
    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
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