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I was just diagnosed yesterday...My Fiance and I were wondering about our sex life now...Its hard to deal with all this!

Is it safe for him to go down on me when I don't have an ob? What about me giving him oral? I dunno what to do....I scared and feel so alone! Today is hard, I've been crying alot...I am in shock I guess.

Please anyone...

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well its not safe, but its a choice you too are going to have to make.

is he willing to get oral herpes? then fine no problem go downtown but if hes not, well then your going to have to live with that, and work around it.

you cant force him to get herpes, you have to leave choices like this up to him.

it might be your pleasure, but its his health too.

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Once you know if he has hsv also you should consider sitting down with your dr and discussing the options and the risks.

If he is tested for hsv by way of a blood test this will tell you if he has been exposed to (has contracted)hsv. It won't, unfortunately, tell you if it is an oral infection or a genital infection unless he happens to have symptoms or ob's in one or the other location.

It is common for someone to have had oral herpes coldsores and not to know that this can be transmitted to a partner when performing oral sex on them.

The risk for you is if you have a genital infection he can perform oral sex on you but could contract hsv orally and then give it to you orally or you can have intercourse and give it to him genitally and then if you perform oral sex on him you could get it orally or an oral infection can be passed through kissing. A vicious cyle.

It is truly up to you. there is no wrong or right answer as long as you know what is involved. The frequency and severity of ob's is completely unique to each individual and there are no guarantees on how they will manifest in either a genital or oral infection. It will not destroy your sex life if you are committed to working it out.

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Thx for the advice...theres so much to learn about this. Especially when its basically just thrown at you. Its hard. Im going to my family dr next week...suppose he'll have some more advice and "guidelines" for us...

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In the meantime write down every question you can possibly think of even if they are weird or something you might be embarrased to ask.

have your guy do the same thing and then maybe number them according to importance and don't leave until you are satisfied that you've gotten answers to your concerns.

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Oh yes that list is getting longer and longer lol and I think there are some lame questions on there, but I want to know everything. The more I know the better Ill feel I think!

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  • 2 weeks later...

do you think i could borrow some of your questions as a guide for me and my girl. She is in the same position and I am still unknown.


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  • 3 months later...

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