Don't know if this really a realtionship post

[lady]

but here it goes. To make a long story short I was diagnosed 15 months ago via blood test with HSVII. Based on my pass and understanding of intial outbreaks I am 99% sure that I contracted this virus 10 years ago from an ex. Now while the ex and I have not dated in 10 years we have remained cordial and would speak on occasions (like once every 5-6 months) just to say hey how are? Well normally the typical response is I'm good everything is wonderful yada yada. Well since my diagnosis I no longer answer his calls. I would think that after a year he would have just taken the hint that I don't want to talk. But NOOOO now I guarantee that he will call at least once a month in hopes that I would answer. So here is my Problem. I soo want to just answer his call and say "look I'm not answering you calls because no longer is my life just peachy I now have herpes thanks to your cheating ways back in the day, So please stop calling me your calls are ruining my life even more." But here is the problem. Now while I'm not sure of the person he has become in the last ten years. The person of the pass would definitely be one of those people who would deny it, blab my business, or silently smirk and say I guess she wasn't all that afterall (I always got the feeling that he thought that I thought I was better then he since I grew up and tried to make something of my life.) We dated up until I was 19. So of course my life has changed dramatically. He has also gotten married so If he does fess up to it could also possibly affect his wife. What Shoudl I do? Should I just continue to ignore his calls or should I just confront him and hope that he has become a better man and will fess up to what's goign on? In additon to this there are to other men that I dated in the pass ten years that I could have possibly exposed the virus to that I still occasionally communicate with should I tell them?

[Caliope]

If your ex of 10 years ago is still calling he must be thinking of you and if he was the source of your infection he could be the cause of his wife having been infected too. It bugs me when someone is married and doesn't take that commitment seriously enough to let the past go.

I would just want him out of my life. I would refuse to acknowledge his existance. If you are determined to stop the calls you could call the wife and ask her if she knew he had hsv. It would accomplish the task of breaking his cycle of calls and expose him. But is this what you want to do? If he is as petty as you say then if she has it he probably told her it was her problem and not from him. But that is my theory based on your opinion of him.

You may want to tell the other two guys if you have a means to contact them. It may save heartache for others if they contracted it from you. There is also the chance that they didn't.

[BoxofRain]

how can you be positive he did in fact infect you, and not one of either other 2 men you have had relations with in the past 10 years, or even the possibility you had it BEFORE your ex? its just too hard to point the finger unless you know for certain. Also, theres a million different possibilities: 1: he does in fact have it and his wife knows and married him anyways 2: he does have it and she doesnt know 3: he doesnt have it at all and you might look insane and expose your condition for nothing 4: he might have it, think he gave it to you accidently and keep in touch with you all these years to see if you ever mention it and so far so good so he can have a clearer conscience......or he has it, is keeping in touch with you cause he assumes you must have it after being with him back then, and hopes you will be with him again cuz he assumes you and him both have it.........weird he keeps calling all these years and is married ya know? million possibilities....hard to say.

[lady]

Reply

Boxorain,

the reason I am so sure it was him was because 2 days after having unprotected sex with him I began showing all of the signs of what I know now as an initial outbreak. Was young and dumb did not go to the doctors right away. When I finnally went it was diagnosed as a simple skin irritation. No blood test was done back then. Prior to this partner I had only had one other partner 2 years before in which I had no signs of infection nor did we ever have unprotected sex (I do realize that protected sex is not 100%).