Not sure...

[always searching]

Hi. I'm new here. I'm still not sure that I actually have HSV but I have a pretty strong gut feeling that I do. I am so scared and I feel so ashamed.

I've been reading everyone else's stories and it all seems so innocent "I got it from my ex fiance who didn't know he had it..."

I got this virus in the most shameful way ever. I had an affair and contracted it. I was having a lot of problems in my marriage and became friends with this guy I met on the internet (also married). It started out innocent enough - just encouraging eachother in our daily pursuits. After a while things got more serious and soon we were planning to be together forever (or so I thought).

I'm such a fool. I totally trusted this guy and he was lying to me all along. After we broke up I found out he was fooling around with several other women.

When we finally did meet I wasn't careful enough and contracted this. I didn't even realize it at the time. I kept getting what I thought were yeast infections, except there was no discharge. I'd get itchy around a week before my period and use Monistat then get my period within a few days and the itchiness would be gone. Around May I started suspecting it was something worse because who gets yeast infections every month? So, in total denial, I started trying every over the counter itch reliever I could think of - witch hazel, cortizone 10, vagisil, gold bond powder, you name it I tried it. Nothing seemed to be working.

But the thing is I didn't see any visible signs of it. I kept looking up my privates with a mirror and pen light and saw no obvious blisters or anything like that. Finally, a few weeks ago it really started to itch and burn bad. I decided to try using hydrogen peroxide. I've used this on oral cold sores before and when I put it on one it fizzes up and, I guess makes it rupture or something, then it goes away. I tried dabbing it on the areas that were most itchy/burny but it did nothing. The next morning in the shower I took a cup of hydrogen peroxide and kind of poured it up me (I was sitting on the floor of the tub). It burned really bad and seemed to get worse throughout the day. That night when I went to bed I felt like someone was grinding broken glass into my vagina.

I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and afterward looked with my mirror and I had this huge ulcer where I had poured the peroxide. The next day I called Planned Parenthood and asked to come in for STD testing. The appointment wasn't for two days, at which time the lesion was really starting to dry up. I got the culture test (which came back negative) but the nurse warned me that I might get a false negative. I have to wait until 16 weeks after exposure to get the antigen test, so I'm in limbo. On the good side I tested negative for gonorrhea, chlamydia & syphillis.

The nurse prescribed valtrex 500mg twice daily for 5 days which seemed to do absolutely nothing. I feel like I've just had this huge outbreak for like the last month and its never going to go away.

Has anyone else experienced this? The valtrex not working and a really prolonged outbreak? What did you do? Is there another drug that might work better?