Strength in numbers!!!

[Strong]

I am so relieved to come across this forum. I have been reading many post since yesterday. Up until I cant keep my eyes open anymore.

Like so many other posters before me.... Here is my story.

I have not yet been diagnosed... But I have common sense. I will be seeing the Doctor Wensday. I have had a boyfriend of six months and he had shown me what he thought might be an outbreak on his shaft about two months ago. He claimed he has never had anything like that before. But to me it looked like chafing. I thought nothing to worry about hand he seemed unsure himself. It went away fairly quickly so I figured just raw from sex. He has no insurance and since wasnt sure was waiting it out to see. He was never Checked.

Well, two months later..... I started out thinking I was sore from having a bit of rough relations. I was like "Wow!" I sure am sore. I continued to get more and more tender through the week. I have had children from a previous marriage and torn in my perinium (however that is spelt).So I took a look-c.

Well I saw two very tiny ulsers in that area. Was'nt sure still. But since friday they have turned into clusters of blisters. If not for the pain and weird sensations that come along with it. I would not have noticed because they are so tiny.

I belive this is my primary outbreak. I am still to see the Doc on wensday.

But because of this forum. I am more menatlly prepared for the the big confirmation.

I have read good and bad here. But I am comforted to read that mostly everyone still feels self worth. That has been the biggest thing for me. Feeling worthless. But I am blessed with children and a beautiful, sweet and humorus boyfriend. Which he is so calm about it I feel he might have knowingly gave it to me and just played his situation off like he did'nt know what was going on. Especially since his "chafing" went away so quickly. So putting two and two together. That was not a primery out break but a reaccurance. Reading the coping forums helps me to not be angry with him.

Helps me to more understand where he is coming from. How terrifying for him. And yes it may have been very dishonest and who knows maybe the truth may still come out.. But I understand. When he was having his "chafing" I knew there was a chance and decided if it was, I love him reguardles.. I actually feel lucky to be stuck with some one I love and adore so much. Will definitly make me work harder on the relationship.

Ok.. done ranting. All in all. So greatfull for you all. I'm sure I will become a regular and post often and keep you all updated.

[Strong]

And just a bit more.,,

I have decided not to let this disease define who I am. I will live and love, but more cautiously. I will forever now cherish love even more. I will continue to set goals and strive for the best. I've never cared what others thought of me and I'm not going to start now. Peoples opinions do not make or break us. You are either with me or against me and I will not entertain negative people in my life.

[Strong]

sorry no edit button....

In my first post I was speaking of him having a reaccurance not I.

[Caliope]

I like your attitude it fits your "name." You will survive much better with a positive attitude.

Initially this virus sucks big time. The emotional roller coaster can go on for months or even years unless you decide to take control of your feelings. The worst for many of us is the psychological aspect.

As time goes by the ob's should become less severe and maybe even stop altogether but the first year is usually the worst for most people.

Thanks for sharing.

[Strong]

I'm happy to share and feel lucky there are people and places I can. I'm ok. I been up and down.. dont get me wrong. Even dreaming about it. But as the saying goes." Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can."

[bikerbob]

what else can anyone say to that but AMEN! Good for you, I hope for the best, but eitherway you are OBVIOUSLY going to be just fine!

[Strong]

ty BB. I think we all will as long as we can cope with the mental part of it all. Breaks my heart to read the really sad and distraut post. Even some suicidal. I cannot let something like my sexuality ruin my life. life is short and every night when I go to bed I'm almost alittle freaked out by how fast the day went by. So far life has been going by real fast. I'm not going to take it for granted. I regret nothing.

[bikerbob]

wow, you sound a little like me there. NO REGRETS!! I would rather regret doing something then regret not doing it. useually something you did that was stupid is still a fun memory, but something you didn't do usually makes you feel wike you were afraid. I flipped a boat a few years back at close to 100mph, the boat started getting out of hand and rough but I wanted to push it so i did, I ended up haveing a mechanical failure and ended up getting wet, but I am always proud that I had the guts to keep going when things get rough and out of control, and thats how I try to look at life. Haveing the nerve to push on. You obviously have that drive as well!

I see some of the posts on here like you describe and I try to chime in on a few of them. I don't know what these people are going through, everyone is different. but I know they come on here looking for a response and understanding, so any response is better then being ignored. So I try to help them feel better if I can. your a strong person, but it still helps knowing others are out there as well. It helps us all be that much stronger!

[Strong]

I agree. I'm so happy for this forum. How can I feel so alone when I'm not? Not even close. We are actually the majority. I have a feeling that the majority will only become greater. Unfortunately. But yes I have only regreted things I have not done, and yes out of fear. This has only changed my frame of mine. Look at things in a new light. I was really upset the first few days. I'm still in the worst part of the outbreak and clueless when it will stop. Prob wont get meds until doc appt. But can't dwell. Just prepare myself for my next course of action. I'm alright. And I wish the best to you. To everyone here.

[bikerbob]

well i have had type 1 all my life and have had a recent type 2 scare I haven't been diagnoised, but I have entered the testing waiting game. I know if my viral swab comes back clean it still may not have detected it so I will have to go back for blood tests. I think I'm in the clear but I also try not to pretend either. the majority... hehehe 1 in 5 have it seems to be the predominate numbers I saw one that broke it down, 1-5 guys 1-4 girls. I thinks thats odd. but the majority here seems to be women. I think thats cause guys are to "tough" to talk about it. I say screw that, I wanna get some info!! and networking is great for that! I hope you get some meds soon as well as some relief. I know caliope was giving some advice on that in just another post. I've read that warm baths are good and I think Caliope said something about Ebsome salt? I know sure, but that might get you started on some home help. good luck and I'm glad you here, well I'm not glad... but oh never mind I think you know what I mean! If you gotta be in a life boat better to be in one with people like you!

[Strong]

Exactly what I was thinking. I'm glad in a not glad sort of way.lol... Yeah. been doing the hot baths everyday. Definitly helping.

[bikerbob]

good deal, WellI see your jumping in trying to make others feel better, I see you have already posted on the theard where caliope was suggesting the salts so you're good ta go.

[TITANIC]

forever grateful

I love this post, lets me know that no one is alone. the more we read the more we know and knowledge is power. I am like others, i will not let this disease kill me nor my spirits. I am a recent diagnosis as well and yea I have my moments, but each day , especially after the first two weeks, it gets better. the constant reminders, i.e. people who I hear talk about it and speak of "those" who have it as if we were lepers. there is a moral to that story, never cast the stone, you just never know who has it and alot of people do, you just don't know it. It has taught me not to be judgemental. Be careful what you say, it might boomerang on you. Always, if something bad is happening to you , do something good for someone else, you never know what pain they may going through. Anyone watch the movie last night on Lifetime, called "girl positve" . Just imagine if you were one of them? educate, educate, educate..Let's have some compassion... It can always be worse. this forum has been my strength thank you. titanic

[Strong]

So glad you are not letting this destroy you mentaly. I as well am still having my moments. I can only imagine it can get better.. When you are down.. only place to go is up. My best wishes to you Titanic.

[struggling07]

hi

It's been a very difficult thing for me to deal with - HSV 2.

I got it from my ex-fiance....the first person I was ever with. I have been on daily suppressive medicine for a long time for fear of having it return. Now, 4 yrs later - outbreak free - I am in a new relationship with a wonderful caring guy whom I just told. I know it's difficult for him to deal with. He states he doesn't want to break up with me. I am sure he is going through all of the thoughts I went through. I am trying to be supportive of him as he copes with this news but it is very difficult. Anyone have a similar story and have any advice on how to cope?

[Strong]

Good to hear!!! no outbreaks in 4 years? I've decided as well when diagnosed I will go on suppresive therapy as well.

As for the coping.. stay positive. Hope for the best. Talk about it. Feel your emotions. Cry if you need to cry.. dont fight it. be mad if you need to be mad and be happy when you are happy. Just dont let it destroy you.

I'm still going through my first outbreak and I am going through tons of feelings. I refuse to let this come inbetween me and my happiness. Life is short. You are healthy I assume otherwise. It'll be ok.

Most of all read other peoples experiences. I have probably read this whole forum the last three days. It has helped me "cope".

[gutted.]

hey strong just read your first post..

good on ya.. i love your attitude.. it rox..

but just to add, my primary outbreak consisted of two little spots, it was only cus i to go to the clinic for something else i got them checked out.

just lettin ya know, he may not of known TBH.

[Strong]

I agree whole heartedly gutted. Actually I am officially diagnosed now. On meds and all. Here we go. I have no ill will towards him. By what the doc and nurse implicated was that this is a new infection. Plus my medical history is there. Was just tested for everything in december with a clean bill of health. I go monday for my blood test to determine which kind.

Oh well you know. I do long for the days before this. Like the beatles say; " oh yesterday... love was such an easy game to play." Not anymore. Oh well. But you know what??? We may have a stigma but so does anyone suffering from anything that society deems unattractive.

It got me thinking today about a time I was in a conveniance store. There was a man in there with his face terribly scared from burns. Not even a nose.

How can I feel so unlucky. You can tell people were avoiding even looking at him. How can I be so selfish about my condition now. You cant see mine. I will still be admired by unknowing men. He where's his pain and differences on his face. People would barely look towards him. Imagine being him. At least some one will get to now me before they "know" me.

I am still very blessed in this life.

[bikerbob]

Amen sister, I went for my blood work today, my swab came back negative. But I know what you mean about people and apperences, I have a birthmark. Its just a patch of skin that has a large group of blood vessles close to the skin. no big deal right??? Well, its on my face. Most people are pretty cool about but there are people who act weird about it. I have people assume theres something wrong with me because of it. it was much worse when I was a kid. I had a lot of kids making fun of me. So at least no one has to know that every once in a while things "heat up" down there.... you really do have a great outlook on this!!

[Strong]

Well, just an update.. For sure is HSV-2. Which I already figured. He said he would not put me on suppressive therapy since I'm already in a relationship where we both have it. He said should I start dating again he will. We are taking the route of treating it before an outbreak fully occurs. So that means having a script of only 21 Valtrex on hand at a time.

He seemed so not bothered by it like it was no big deal. He was like your life is far from over. He says that he feels this is a way under treated virus. He also said he believes it will just continue to spread more and more. Between people. Not on me.lol..

Almost sounds like he has it... I wonder....

[TITANIC]

Yes yes yes

great post to bb and strong and calliope. I think too there is strength in the numbers. It will forever change how "not to stereoptype people" I am alot older than some of you and I grew up in the bible belt and the pristine lady era. Well, now I am so much more the woman now than I ever was before and that would be genuine and sincere but tough as nails if I have to be and ya hafta be with this. If we all hang together, even though we are strangers we are one voice and that voice says WE ARE WINNERS!!!!!!!!! and lovalble ones at that!!!