One more cross to bear

[dbc1951]

Being single was never my goal in life---it's just something I've had to accept. The fact that the woman I eventually married gave this to me made life difficult but not impossible. I realized, too late, that she really only cared for herself and used me.

Probably the saving grace of that entire situation was that my family stood by me. My mother was particularly helpful because I could call her at any time and discuss anything. Believe me, I wouldn't have made it out of that mess without her wisdom. As a good friend put it: "A father can be a role model, but a mother is the family's moral compass". How right he was.

Unfortunately, we lost mom on the 9th. She was 90 years old and had had a long and fruitful life. She was lucky in that she pretty much got what she wanted out of life...children, grand-children, and great-grand-children. Few people are so fortunate. She made her corner of the world a happy place.

While I miss her, I am happy. I had a wonderful parent and life could have been much different without her. Remember your parents and grandparents---especially those who are inform. You'll be glad that you did.

[Strong]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences. Now you have an Angel watching over you.

[dbc1951]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences. Now you have an Angel watching over you.

I always have.

[Strong]

Awwww. Sounds like it.

[Shayna]

dbc1951

I Love the way you speak of your Mother. How fortunate you were to have had such a wise and loving Mother. You were truly blessed.

May your heart be filled with happy memories.

[dbc1951]

dbc1951

I Love the way you speak of your Mother. How fortunate you were to have had such a wise and loving Mother. You were truly blessed.

May your heart be filled with happy memories.

This took me 5 minutes to write for the visitation. I have left the grammatical errors alone.

Lift up your hearts. This should be more a time of happy reflection than of tears.

When a loved one is lost there is always grief. However, too few people take the time to compare what they have lost to what they have gained.

It is true that we have lost a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and a friend. That should never be taken lightly. She was the head of the family in more ways than one and her shoes are impossible to fill.

While we have lost a great deal, we have gained more. Her children learned that respect is earned and not just given. She taught us that by example. We also learned that she could always be counted on to do the right thing regardless of how difficult it might be for her personally. Our values and ways of dealing with life came directly from her. She was a product of her times and was as gentle as she was strong. She was utterly fearless and made to last.

Why haven’t I broken down since her death? It isn’t because I’m holding it in or denying the fact that she is physically gone. It is because she is still here spiritually and emotionally.

The physical body grows older and, eventually, dies. We all face that. Yet the spirit of a person, and the love they bear, stay behind as a constant presence. Do not waste time feeling pain at losing her, spend time remembering the pleasure of her company with joy.

The most famous church in London is St. Paul’s Cathedral designed and built by Sir Christopher Wren. When he died he was buried in his great church. His epitaph ends with the line: “If you seek his monument, look about you”. So it is with mother. Her monuments are the members of her family and the friends whose lives she touched.

I spoke with my cousin soon after I learned she had died. We both remembered one thing in particular. Neither of us could remember any distinctly negative memories. Families being what they are, there are always some hurt feelings. This isn’t the case with mother. She was firm but she was honest. She never hesitated for second to discipline…..but she always remembered to explain why the discipline was needed. She could become angry but was always quick to forgive. Most of all, she never forgot to tell us that she loved us.

If you remember anything about her at all remember that she loved and was loved.

Death can defeat the body but it cannot defeat love. Nothing can.

Love never fails.

At this moment I can see a farmhouse. It is simply built but is sturdy and well cared for. The family inside is waiting for dinner.

The father is playing checkers with one son, while another is told by an elderly Sioux that yes, his name means exactly what it says.

A young salesman is sitting nervously, chatting with a child he never had the chance to meet before. They soon begin to laugh together.

The girls are busy setting the table and arguing. This isn’t new but it is good natured with more than a few grins. One of the girls is being particularly ribbed for her pie crust.

Neighbors have come for dinner. The father, a stern German, grins at the husband and wife as he enters. The talk turns to bull whips and ox yokes and the men both laugh while their wives roll their eyes. Men are just that way and you can’t fight it. Their son joins the girls in helping with dinner.

Everyone seems to waiting for something or someone. The parents, when asked, simply tell their children to be patient. It will be soon.

There is a knock and the door and the mother answers. She hugs her youngest daughter who steps inside. The father comes over to see his “heifer calf”. Still, the girl seems anxious until her mother shows her something.

Opening a side door, she shows additional setting for even more company. She nods at the girl and tells her there is room for more.

She has a laugh when her sister mentions pie crust. She shares a smile with the young salesman and is particularly taken with the child.

Her parents smile. It’s good to see everyone back together. It was a long wait.

The father gets his violin and begins to play while the women bring out the food.

Alice is safe.

Alice is healthy.

Alice is happy.

Alice is home.

And, after all, home is where the heart is.

[Susan101]

dbc1951,

That was absolutely beautiful. What a beautiful and expressive goodbye! I am deeply sorry for your loss, but rejoice in what you gained throughout your life from her! You sound like a very sensitive man (that's a compliment, by the way, from a woman's perspective!).

[Shayna]

dcb1951

That was Beautiful!

Absolutely Rich...Thank you for sharing her with me/us.