Miserable. Please, someone read.

[Memoria]

I had just finished a month of training and was beginning my first week of work at a new job when I became quite ill with harsh flu-like symptoms. The work is all about talking on the phone, so I was sent home to rest up.

The next day I went to the toilet and the pain was excrutiating. It was like someone had sandpapered me and poured acid there. I went to the doctor #1 and was told it was thrush, was given Canesten, which I've never used before. It got continually worse. I could hardly swallow water from my inflamed throat, completely lost my appetite, wasn't sleeping due to the flu symptoms, dreaded the bathroom... It was horrible.

I went back to doc #1, who told me I was likely just allergic to the thrush treatment. She put me on Metrogyl and Nizoral for a "fungal infection" and antibiotics. I was scared, I kept asking her, "Is it serious?" and she kept answering, "No, you're just run down". So I told myself it would all be better in a few days, stressing the whole time I'd be sacked for having sick days on my first week.

Nothing changed. I got more sores. I felt, and feel, so repulsive. My boyfriend and I live together, he's had to put up with my pain, grossness, every time going out for my new scripts.

Finally I saw doctor #2. He took one look and told me he thought it was herpes. I cried all the way home out of sheer disgust and panic and shock. He had taken painful swabs, and I'm still waiting for results, but after reading so many pages about herpes I have to admit the symptoms all fit. He put me on Valtrex and after one day it's already helping with the toilet pain.

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday. I'm so upset. "Happy birthday! You have herpes." I can't see any of my friends because I'm such a wreck. My boyfriend and I both hate using a condom. Having to use one will kill our sex life, let alone the complete revulsion I feel just thinking about intercourse right now. I doubt he'd touch me again anyway. I'm so miserable. I've never slept around, I can't think about how I could have gotten it! The logical reason is that my boyfriend has had it this whole time, and the stress from my new work brought on an outbreak. But he's stuck with me so well this past week, how can I point my finger now?

[Caliope]

there is no need to point fingers at this time but he needs to get in and get tested. Even if he's never had symptoms. Have him ask for herpes specific blood testing. Insist.

When will you get the results of your swab? Did they do herpes specific blood work? If not you should call and have them order it and just go in on a break and have it run. This will maybe give you an indicator if this is a new exposure.

Now to deal with you. You are not disgusting and love endures all. It's okay for your guy to run errands and to take care of you. You'd probably do it for him. But we need to get you better.

Epsom salt baths help. Aveeno Active Naturals bath powders help. Wear loose clothing. Don't put hydrocortisone on any sores. Drink lots and lots of fresh water. The Valtrex usually peaks at about the 5th day and the sores should be going away. Get plenty of sleep, take lots of vitamin c and have your guy go pick up some Lysine in the vitamin aisle. It's okay to take pain relievers like tylenol or advil.

here are some links to help understand this stuff.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_simplex_1_and_2.htm

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/immune-system.htm

We are here for you.

[Flutterby8i8j]

I'm sorry....

I found out today that I have herpies...How I contracted it, I have no idea...I'm completely puzzled. Now I get to go over to my boyfriends house and tell him the news.

I feel so grossed out and icky right now, I can only hope and pray that he stays with me. I feel so alone and disgusting. I completely understand how you feel.

[Strong]

I have'nt been diagnosed yet, I know I have it. Alittle over a week now. Took a week to figure it out. Going to Docs wensday. But out of all the emotion and pain I feel, the last is yucky. None of us are "yucky". Unfortunate yes. But we are certainly not gross. I know I'm not...

[h_train]

What I'm about to type sounds dumb to me, but It's going to be okay. Maybe not right this second, but for sure it's going to be okay. I'm 26 and I found out just about a year ago that I had HSV. I found out a short while after I'd started dating my boyfriend. I felt so disgusting I didn't think he'd still want to be around me, but I was wrong. When someone cares for you, it doesn't matter.

[Memoria]

Thankyou so much for replying. I've gotten so emotional over it all.

To answer your questions Calliope, no, no blood test. It was just a basic swab, he purposefully broke some of the sores to test them, it was so humiliating. I'm still awaiting results, he said it would take "a couple of days" and that was yesterday.

When you say wear loose clothing, should I be wearing underwear? If I wear underwear it abrades, if I don't, I'm worried it will spread.

It's probably more a doctor's questions, but should I keep taking the medications the first doctor gave me, the antibiotics and so on? Or just the Valtrex? Also, are you supposed to feel woozy after taking Valtrex, or are they mixing badly?

Thankyou again. I can't say how much I value the support, I'm so glad I found these forums.

[Caliope]

No don't wear panties if they hurt. Be comfortable in anyway that you can. If you have a portable fan you can sit in front of, legs spread, the cooling air feels nice on the sores.

The swab should provide a reliable test if he broke the blisters. Don't feel humilated about this. You'd be amazed at the huge numbers of people the drs see who have herpes. Believe me it is in epidemic proportions.

My swab test took 10 days and only the dr could deliver the results. If you don't hear back in 5 days start calling to find out when they will be in.

As for the Valtrex yes the first few days it can make you feel dizzy and nausious or spacey but usually it starts to subside after a week. Drink lots of water it helps with those symptoms. I haven't heard anyone have those responses to the antivirals in a while. I had them and I lost weight.

I'd take all of your prescriptions exactly as prescribed. I'll say it again - Drink lots of fresh water. bottles and bottles.

[Strong]

Just from the research I've done, I believe you are to keep the area very clean and dry. Wear Cotton undies. I went right out and bought some hanes her way bikini briefs. These will now be for obs. But I believe cotton undies are what we are suppose to wear.

[Support1]

Memoria,

First, take a deep breath and relax as much as you can, stress alone can kill you and with herpes, it is definitely important to try and be as stress less as possible. Second, thank your lucky stars that your boyfriend has stuck with you and don't worry about pointing a finger. Third, ask him to get tested, so he can know his status.

I know that it is only human to want to point a finger and blame someone, but really it does no good to do that. I blamed my boyfriend for giving me the virus, but it only made me feel even angrier which caused my ob to be worse. It is going to take some time for you to get over the initial shock of having herpes, but you will. I was totally blown away by my diagnosis and it took me about four months to pick myself up and move forward. Now, I am doing so much better, which has resulted in me feeling so much better. Remember, lean on the fact that your boyfriend supports you and move on from there. Try and research as much as you can about herpes and make sure he does the same.

Sometimes, you may feel alone, but you are not. Turn to your boyfriend for support and turn to the many individuals, who are experiencing similar situations on this forum. If you would like, you can send me a personal message. I know all to well how dealing with herpes can be very draining, depressing, and most of all painful. I know it may be difficult, but try to focus on your birthday and enjoy it. I would like to leave you with these words that I live by: It is what it is, It could be worse, and At least I am not dead. Believe it or not, those simple words help me to keep moving forward each day.

[Caliope]

If you can't go without panties (sometimes it isn't okay) then the big, cotton, granny panties are the most comfortable and absorbent.

but if no one is around to know and you are otherwise concealed it is not important to wear panties.

we're grown ups now and we make the rules and the rules say "be comfortable and think about what feels best." It seriously doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Of course decency in public is a must but when you're home in your own place it's okay to go commando or sans panties.

[Strong]

^^^ that is actually nice to know^^

I've been more of a commando person my whole life. Will sleep much more comfy tonight. Wear my grannies to work. lol... ty for the info.

[bikerbob]

I tried to respond to this and some how it got lost so I ill try again.

Memoria,

you need to first understand that you are not alone, millions of people live with this everyday. You are going to be fine, you are young and your body will adapt to this. You will get better and the pain and the out breaks will become easier to manage. Don't let this define you, it is simply a new part of who you are, it can not change who you are, nothing can. I think you are scared now but I think you are stronger then you think. and I think you will see that in the comeing days as you deal with this. like Niche said "that which does not kill us , makes us stronger" (I know its probably not a direct quote, but its gets the idea across) Enjoy your 20th birthday, at aleast as best you can with your sympoms. and if none that that helps remember this, you cant take life to seriously, NO ONE gets out alive!!

Flutterby, same goes for you too! remember that this is a virus, just like a cold. its just something you deal with it doesn't chaneg who you are, where you yucky before this? No! were you gross? No you weren't! So your not now!it may not be easy or nice to deal with but it doesn't change you as a person!

[bikerbob]

oh sure, some guy posts a message where theres panty talk and everyone shuts up!! like I'm trying to spy on your little girl club or something!!

(I'm just trying to help keep the mood light, don't mind me.......)

[mroy324]

Thanks for the witty comments, I usually find myself near to tears when I read some of these posts out here...it feels nice to crack a big smile!!! Sometimes things get a little heavy around here! Any word on lab results for you Bikerbob?

[bikerbob]

its always nicer to smile!!

No word yet, gonna call them today, I know it will be negative, there wasn't really anything there to swab. I'm gonna have to go back for blood work. The thing for me is, I am one of those people who always has everything present in a classic text book way. so I am wondering if I have nothing to worrie about cause this isn't classic text book, or if this is the first time I will deviate from the norm for me. we will see!

[Susan101]

Memoria, I am new at this, too (diagnosed less than three weeks ago). Read my former posts to read my history, if you want.....it's not the "norm". You are NOT disgusting.....this VIRUS is the cause of this--not you. So many people have it, and don't know it, or don't reveal it out of socially-induced (and misplaced) shame, that it is probably as common as, well, the common cold. The only problem is, that it tends to come back.

Work with your boyfriend....open up to him and let him be there for you. I drive myself crazy sometimes trying to figure out where I could have gotten it (I am twenty years asymmtomatic having been in only 3 long-term relationships. Just now broke out for the first time). Really, it doesn't matter WHERE or WHEN I got it, because I have it and have to deal with that.

I know what you mean about condoms, as I have never really used them (again, the whole "long-term monogomous thing"), but last night, my hubby and I made love for the first time with one and it was AMAZINGLY wonderful. Both of us had all the same sensations (maybe even more, but it HAD been 2 1/2 weeks!). We were both shocked and pleasantly surprised! We used the ones without ribbing or extra bells or whistles (to try to replicate as natural a feeling as possible). Now, we've actually decided it might be fun to try different kinds--to spice things up occasionally! Just look carefully at the label....there are some that are "extra thin" or made of sheepskin, or made without latex, those are the ones that say they don't offer protection again STD's. We used a condom, had him wear boxers, and had him shower afterwards. He is fine with this, and I need to let him be fine with this....because I need his support. This diagnosis has actually turned into something that has brought us even closer together, and given us yet another reason to recommit ourselves to each other!

This diagnosis is shocking, at first, but NOT the end of the world. Remember, there are those who never have outbreaks, but you're not likely to find them on this site.....at least not often. Those of them that rarely get outbreaks or have dealt with the initial shock of this might not necessarily take the time to post here on a regular basis. So remember, that not everything you read here will happen to you. This site is a wonderful avenue for information of the many ways this virus can affect you, but not the same for everyone. This virus is as individual as each of us is! I think a positive attitude goes a long way in maintaining our immune system.

Happy Birthday, honey! You're going to be ok.....we are here for you as long as you need us, and there is NOTHING you can't share on this site that would cause anyone to judge you. We're all in it together!!!

Regarding undies, I wore nothing but loose pj bottoms during my ob, no underwear. I would just wash my pj's in hot water daily. I wore skirts after I started to heal....go out a buy a few that are loose and flowing to have on hand for the future. I also agree with the big, loose, COTTON undies for when you MUST wear them. I think there are some special femine products made of just cotton you can buy (I remember reading somewhere else on this site) to use during your period. Even a little pantyliner irritated me.

I think that each of us develops our own way of coping with this disease, and how it affects each of us, and we figure out what works for us individually. There is a wealth of info on this site, take what you can use, and don't worry about the rest. Good luck, and keep us posted!!

[Texasgal26]

Memoria, my birthday is Sunday and I should find out on Monday if I have HSV. I know I have it and my doctor has already put me on Valtrex. I know how you feel. I didn't cheat and I don't think my boyfriend did either. I think he's probably had it awhile and didn't realize it. It's very frustrating, but just remember we are all in the same boat. Good luck to you.

[uk girl]

I agree with Susan101, we can drive ourselves mad about when,how, why and who, but the end result is the same we have it, so we have to get on and live with it, at first it's so hard, but the more info you learn the better you will feel.

I was so scared of having my 2nd OB, but it came and went,i expected to feel how i did the 1st time, but i am more educated,thanks to this site i saw it more as an inconvienience, and my husband who is amazing was brilliant.

He always said that me being diagnosed with this virus, was a watershed in our marriage,he is the only one that knows,and is always ready to talk.

Those early days are scary,i think back(which is only3 months ago)and shudder,it was a very dark place, but i am here,still smiling,getting on with it.

Bikerbob feel free to talk about herpes pants!!

Texasgal26 Happy Birthday !!

[herpessucks86]

you keep saying drink lots of water. but i dread going to the bathroom so much im afraid to drink lots of water. it hurts so bad going to the bathroom. does anyone know of anything to put on the sores so it doesnt hurt to pee? also how long does it usually take for the sores to stop hurting? on a different note i told my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs today that i think i might have herpes. it was so hard to tell him. i feel like this is all my fault. dont know where i got it from could have been from someone i was with before him or could have been him. if he did give it to me could he not have and outbreak yet. we havent gotten tested yet (will on mon). but i kind of hope he has it. not to be mean but if he doesnt and i do im afraid he will leave. we also have a 7 month old together. i hope neither one of us has it but im almost certain i do bc my symptoms are just like herpes. i just feel so gross and i feel like everytime he looks at me he feels the same way about me. and this pain is nothing i have ever felt. i had a c-section with my son and let me tell you recovering from that was so much easier then recovering from this. im just so scared. i thought i was fine but ever since i told my bf im getting more scared. i dont know if im scared he will leave me or scared of the disease. sorry this is so long just had to let my feelings out.

scared in MN

[Caliope]

the more water you drink the better your body can deal with the ob plus it will dilute the acidity of the urine. you might try peeing when you're in the shower or you can pour some water over your urethra when you pee to dilute it a little and reduce the pain.

you both really need to get tested. it seems to me that if you had this before you got pregnant you might have had huge ob's during the pregnancy just due to the hormones but not everyone reacts the same to stuff. It is very possible to have this virus and not know or to not necessarily have symptoms even for many years or for the symptoms to be very mild. Women tend to suffer more than men from the actual ob.

I also can't imagine that there is anything different about you just because you've had an ob. You are still the same beautiful lady that your guy decided to be with and you are the mother of his baby which makes you even more special. Why in the world would this make him leave.

I think this is such a difficult situation to accept that your reaction is about the hsv and maybe not the relationship - unless there is something else worrying you.

Usually the first ob is the worst and any others don't pale in comparison. There is no guarantee that you will have frequent or severe ob's.

I found baths to help when I added Epsom Salts or Aveeno Active Naturals bath powders. I recently discovered that Calamine lotion helps to dry the sores and take away the pain. I like to dry off with the hair dryer on cool and wear loose cotton panties, or go without if possible, and wear loose clothing that doesn't rub. You can take otc pain relievers such as tylenol, or advil for pain.

I got a prescription for antiviral medications and it speeds up the healing too.

[herpessucks86]

i may have had mild obs but i just played them off as razor burn or ingrown hairs. but now that i think about it it probably was obs. does the calimine lotion burn because i tried putting desitin on and it did not feel so good. ive been putting vagisil on and that seems to soothe it for a bit. but will vagisil make it worse i know not to put a&d on the open sores because they need to dry out. will the vagisil help dry them out?

[Caliope]

DO NOT use anything that has hydrocortisone or petroleum on new sores. The Calamine did not burn at all. It is this pink liquid with zinc in it. Make sure you shake it really well because it separates but just dab it on with a cotton ball or a q-tip. I used it liberally. It dries stuff quickly.

[herpessucks86]

i dont think vagisil has hydrocortizone in it or does it. i will deffinetley try calimine lotion. also i will be going to a family reunion on sat. just wondering if i can go swimming in a pool if i have open sores or will it hurt really bad? hopefully thry wont be open cuz by that time it will be 2 weeks since they have been open.

[Caliope]

Vagisil has the dreaded hydrocortisone.

Don't use too much of the Calamine just dab it on for a day on the new blisters. You don't want to get too dried out and don't use it on internal mucous membranes just on external stuff.

I also found Summers Eve has a anti-itch gel that doesn't have hydrocortisone.

Yesterday my advice nurse said to make a compress out of instant oatmeal to apply topically. You put the oatmeal in a tea towel and tie it off so it's like a ball and soak it in warm water until it gets mushy and then you can dab it on the sores to get rid of the itch. I've made these before and let them float around in the tub so I can pat them on my itchy parts. This keeps there from being oatmeal to go down the drain. It's really soothing for sunburn.

[ladybugger1]

It's Nice Not To Be the Only One....Sort of

I was diagnosed with herpes 4 days ago. I immediately called the first person in the world that I can turn to no matter what, my sister. She told me about this site. It took me 2 days to enter the address in the web browser because I'm so ashamed. I'm afraid that someone will log onto my computer and see it there.

My sister kept calling me to tell me about things she saw you guys mention in your messages. So today is my first time logging on.

This is a really hard thing to deal with. My 27th birthday is tomorrow. I've been struggling with some personal issues for a LONG time and was starting to feel truly happy, and now this.

I know that I'm not alone and don't want to seem all 'woah-is-me' but I think it's pretty normal. I know it will pass with time and just become another one of those things that you deal with.

I don't want to lose my boyfriend. I keep trying to find a way to keep it from him; to not tell him. Heck, he might have been the person that gave it to me, in which case, I don't have to tell him, right? I know the right thing to do it tell, but I know my "innocence" is one of the things he likes the most about me. I feel like, by telling him, I will be wearing a big 'hey, I have herpes.....a disgusting STD........I'm dirty......' hat.

This condition is so painful, and having to deal with the emotional stuff is even worse. The fear of the unknown makes it even harder. I have a super-stressful job. Does that mean I will have a bunch of outbreaks? The Valtrex makes me feel like a zombie. Will it always make me feel like that? Does the supressive therapy (Valtrex) really work? What will happen if I become pregnant?

I'm scared to get my results back. I have to go in for more STD testing. It's scary to be so careful, to use condoms EVERY TIME until you know someone and they tell you they don't have anything (STD's), and you believe them because you trust them, and then WHAM, you wake up one morning and you can't barely walk because it feel like your insides are tearing apart.

You won't drink anything because you're so afraid of the toilet. You won't eat because you are sitting at the table with your boyfriend, that you love, and you feel guilty because you can't tell him what's going on, and he's been so great, taking care of you - just lying around, knowing something isn't right, just waiting for you to finally open up.

You DO feel all alone, even though people are calling to check on you because you aren't at work. I keep trying to put everything in perspective....it's JUST a virus...it could happen to ANYONE...but's it's HERPES for crying out loud. Tell anyone you have herpes and they won't look at you the same. I remember being shocked when I found out that one of the big wigs at my company had it. Someone was at her house and saw the Valtrex bottle. I couldn't believe that someone like her could have something like that. And now here I am, with the same thing.

I'm sorry to ramble on, but I guess everyone does that they're first time on the site. It's a huge help to know that I'm not alone, although I wish I was, and there wasn't a need for a website like this.

If anyone has any tips for a newly diagnosed person, please send them my way. I've gotten a lot of good information from the other messages that I read.

Thanks for listening...........