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Doctor not so helpful


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I just typed an hour long explanation but realized that I could tell my whole story and it would be pages long. So I'll try to keep this short and get down to my most pressing thoughts right now. I'll get to more later I'm sure.

I'm married with 2 children. I just found out Wed that I have herpes. To be fair, I'm awaiting the swab results, but the doctor didn't seem to have any doubts and after reviewing symptoms, I'm sure it's herpes. I believe my first outbreak may have been in 2003 a few months after I left my first husband (I now know that he cheated a lot, with strangers at bars and parties and have heard from more than one person that his line is that they don't need to use a condom b/c he just got checked - he's NEVER been checked). I remember vividly being on a road trip with a girlfriend and while taking a shower feeling a bump down there. I panicked, got sick to my stomach. I had gotten very drunk a week or two before that and fooled around a bit farther than I wanted to with a guy that I knew NOTHING about, and if I'm remembering right, i think I heard rumors after that about him having herpes. I went to the doctor and was told it was only ingrown hairs. I've gone to the Dr on mulitple occasions for this same issue. It's always been dismissed. I've asked to be tested for "everything" several times. I've had them swab and test one of these "ingrown hairs" before and they've always siad it's negative nothing to worry about. On my drs visit this week I had her go through my records... I wanted to make sure I had bene tested for herpes and know the dates of the last negative test (trying to solve the impossible question of when and where). Turns out, they've never once tested me for herpes. Even when I had them swab a sore on my vagina, they didn't test it for herpes. I was lied to all this time. When I describe having sores and blisters and then say I want to be tested for everything... why was I not tested?

So I'm angry at the Dr's, but at the same time I'm relieved. TO be honest, I feel like my case isn't as bad b/c I'm married. It would be so much more terrifying if I was single and had to deal with telling new partners. SO in a way I'm thankful that i didn't know sooner, but I also think about the people that I have infected in the meantime. There's no way for me to even tell them that they may have been infected... so they're out there spreading it too. Scary.

Also, this recent trip to the doctor was prompted b/c my hubby had a sore a couple months ago and then again last week. Being a man he refused to go ahve a doctor look at it. He made up excuses for what it was. He doesn't rememebr ever having any sores like that before. He has had cold sores all his life and so does his mom, so I'm sure he's had type 1 all his life. I think I either got type 2 from my ex, from the drunk hookup guy or I got it from oral sex with my husband (or for all we know he may have had type 2 before, but I think that's the least likely scenario), which I then passed to him, either orally or genitally. I've been kissing him for a few years, so I guess I could have gotten type 1 orally and then spread it to his genitals during oral sex and then he would have spread it to me genitally.... it works liek that right? ANd why had I never been told before that you can get genital herpes from someone who has cold sores?? There should be a lot mroe info otu there about this, but that's a whole seperate topic.

My questions:

1. My doctor said there is no blood test. Everything I read on herpes sites and from people who have it says there is. What is the blood test called and would my doctor really not know about it (I saw my OBGYN) ro is there a reason they're tellign me there's not one?

2. Is there a way to tell if you've contracted it recently or if you've had it for a long time?

3. I think my biggest worry is my children. I have a 10 month old and a 5 year old. I've always taken baths with my children when they're newborns and I take showers still sometimes with the 10 month old (so much quicker and easier to get us both clean at the same time.) My son usually plays on the floor of the shower with the water running over his head while I shampoo and soap and then I hold him while I soap him up. There's no direct contact, but couldhe get it through the water running over a sore and onto him? I'm now overly paranoid about washing my hands, but I'm worried that I could have touched a sore in bed or soemthign and then not realizing it picked up my son in the morning and touched his eye or something. He lays in bed with us in the mornings, I'm still breastfeeding him. I jsut think of all the scenarios of how I could have accidentally infected him. I'm terrified to give my children this burden. What if I forgot to wash my hands after touching a sore and then changed his diaper? A few days after my husbadn got hsi sore, my sons got a sore just outside his eyelid. His eye got red and irritated. It looked just like my husbands sore, a small puss filled blister. It went away after a couple days, didn't scab. Could he have it in his eye? My dr said I didn't need to test him for it they only worry if you have an outbreak while you're in labor.

4. I feel like I don't know the rules with my own sex life or my body. Since my husband and I both have it, can we still have sex during an outbreak? We can't reinfect each other so it shouldn't change our sex life right?

5. Most importantly, does each persons experience tend to stay the same? I've always had mild outbreaks (if that's what they've been all this time) Same as an ingrown hair, usually just one blister, sometimes with a couple smaller ones right at the same spot that heals in a few days. I definitely have noticeable prodomal symptoms, that's why I'm sure it's been herpes all along. Most notibly the lymph nodes where my leg meets my body get hard and very tender and painful (feels like pearls in the crease of my leg and my bikini), I've even had the shooting pain in my legs on many occasions. Basically though, this is pretty manageable. My OB's are usually pretty far an inbetween, occasionally coming several in a close period of time and then not any for a long time and just one spot at a time. I can handle this... but will it get worse? The herpes pictures on the internet are scary. Can contact between my husbadn and I make it worse?

6. Along with the quesiton above. After the first memorable (possible) outbreak I started getting these little white spots down there, mostly on my inner thighs right near my genitals. They were like white heads, but when I squeezed to see if they were white heads, a solid type white ball would come out - kind of like a very small calcium deposit if you've ever had that. I had them for a long time, wuite a bit of them that never seemed to go away. At some point though they did. Does that sound like a herpes outbreak? Very different than the other symptoms I have that I know are outbreaks.

Thanks, I'm sure I'll have lots more. Thanks for you understanding and patience if you've already read this far... so much for trying to keep it short.

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dear god, i had to put my glasses on. lol

- i would have torn my doc a new ass if they said they didnt have any records of the test. especially since u asked plenty of times- i rem i went to the er and specificaly said my doctor ran out of the swab test for herpes, can you please do one. later after screaming in pain from what i thought was the test, it was just a pap smear.

1) there are quite a few herpes blood test- http://www.ashastd.org/pdfs/blood_test.pdf its a pdf, so you need adobe. also i would print that out and shove it in her 'educated' face.

2) unfortuantly no there isnt.

3)shower wise, its prob unlikely, if all you had to do was wash your hands and the virus is dead now(on your hands/skin), taking a shower would be like a nuclear bomb to it. when changing diapers i would always wear rubber gloves, just cause you dont want crap on your hands, and its just cleaner all around for everyone. looks like you have to worry about your husband and your children more then you- but it most likely wasnt herpes it could had been a stye, which is a blocked gland right on your eye lids, if it was the upper- it can get huge enough to completly shut the eye by it self, it gets red, and irritated-hot, and itches like mad. it goes away by it self, by popping like a pimple, so you might notice more eye gunk/crusties. (i get these alot as you can tell lol when i was a child they were bad) and your doctor is wrong, herpes is very very dangerous to children, especially if they are very younge. and being tested during labor only helps during labor, they have quite a few years to live, in which they can get exposed to the virus. and if you think they are, its perfectly fine to get tested.

4)if you both have it in the same spot, having sex is fine. during a ob, well i wouldnt do that but if you both have the same type of genital herpes there is really no harm in it- worst case- the virus will cause you to have a ob.

5)everyone reacts differently, like i said above thats the worst case senerio. but as you get older, and had the virus longer, everything will diminish.

6) could be white heads, or sebum. personaly, im a obsesive pimple popper, and i go at anything, when i saw what was going on downtown, i was overly happy thinking damn ive got lots of things to pop- thinking it was just some irritated skin. well it wasnt- herpes bumps, dont pop like pimples, you can break the skin, let the puss out, but unlike a pimple it doesnt have that clogged pore ( you know that hard crap in a pimple) - so from your describtion i would say it was not a herpes issue.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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