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help me im confused

Going Crazy

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I just got diagnosed a week and a half ago. The last time i checked all std's was 4 years ago and was clean. So i figured i would get tested for everything again, I've only had 2 partners. The doctor told me I tested postitive for Herpes Simplex Virus 2. I was shocked, so shocked i didnt know what to say or ask. Ive had no symptoms at all. I looked all over the internet to find out exactly what it is. and got scared even more. To find out it could be anywhere on my body, and I have no clue where. Mouth, genital, skin. I dont no. I'm so scared I dont even want to touch anyone or shake hands, cause im afraid of spreading it. Both men i've bin with say they dont have it? So where did i get it. I also read some were that Mono, is a strand to the herpes family too, which i had 10 years ago. Sorry its so long but i dont know what to do. HElP ME

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Mono is not the same as hsv 2. It is the same family but totally different virus.

If you have only had two partners for any kind of sexual activity including oral sex then I'd theorize that one of them has it and just hasn't had it confirmed by testing or may be in denial of symptoms.

This link might help you understand hsv.


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Sounds familiar

I am sort of in the same boat. I just found out that I have had the virus at least 8 months and maybe longer. I also have had no symptoms at all so I don't know where the virus is. I'm glad not to have the symptoms (I hear they are not fun) but I really wish that I knew where on my body I got infected as well. My doctor did tell me that there are some viruses that can cause a false positive for HSV although it is unlikely. I have had a few more sexual partners than you but still have no idea where mine came from. At the time that my test was positive, I had only slept with 2 people, neither of them had signs of infection as far as I know. I am still in disbelief...it's strange because I don't have any outbreaks yet it makes it way less real for me. I keep thinking that there could be a mistake or something. I would imagine you feel some of the same things! Life is crazy....I sure am glad to have found this message board though, it's very comforting to know there are many others going through the same thing.

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d 84,

I, too, feel somewhat in disbelief. Hubby and I have been married for 8 years. Neither of us had any symptoms until I had an ob 3 weeks ago. I was SHOCKED when the doc said it was herpes (biopsy type 2). Hubby later tested positive and has never had any symptoms. So we've both had it for at least 8 years (neither of us with any symptoms) and neither knows who gave it to whom (which we think is cool--no blame). Only one ob between us, we consider ourselves lucky. Maybe there ARE cases where it is so mild that those infected will have no outward symptoms or problems. We already know that the majority of people that have it don't even know. The only reason Hubby knows he has it is because of a test. I have had no other problems since my one ob 3 weeks ago.

I hope we can be a "success" story for other people going through this. I'll keep everyone posted. In the meantime, I find it very helpful to simply live my life as though this isn't an issue (of course, I'm only sexually involved with my husband, so that takes that element out of it). I take my supplements, make it a priority to get plenty of sleep at night, drink lots of water, and so far, so good! I honestly can't say I eat worth a crap or exercise (although I plan to!! Soon! I promise!!) but one thing at a time!

I wish you the best of luck and a happy, ob-free life!!

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I'll be honest, I have a much easier situation than you because I already have been married before I was diagnosed. My hubby was shocked but supportive from the beginning. I also had to let him be there for me. I felt unworthy of his love and affection in the beginning, and that was selfish on my part not to let him support me. It's not right for ME to have hang-ups about things if HE'S not, right?

I think education is the most important thing for both of you. Dig as deep as you can--there's not a whole lot out there that doesn't simply repeat itself, but every once in awhile you find a gem worth reading. Basically, if you're willing to get down into the medical trenches, so to speak, and really study those transmission rates (via various barrier methods or unprotected), you will see that with proper precautions you can have a very healthy sex life, children, etc....with little risk of transmission. Yes, I did say little, because the only absolute way to not infect the other person is complete abstinance. Most of us are not willing to go that route, so we examine Plan B.

There are tons of success stories out there regarding sex after herpes. I think herpes can make you need to be more creative sexually, but the things that you'll need to do will just become second nature or the

"new normal" (condoms, rubber gloves, dental dams, whatever you need to do for you both to feel comfortable for awhile). My opinion? I think at some point, especially if you're not having really frequent obs, you might both decide that it would be worth it to you and him to just take your chances. Only the two of you can decide that when/if the time is right.

I read somewhere (I'm going to get so slammed for not citing my sources today, but I SWEAR I read it!! I'll find it soon) that in one study where 100 HSV positive females were with 100 HSV negative males. In the course of the year, no suppressive meds were used, and no condoms, and only 3-4 of the male partners were infected. We're petrified of transmission, but it's' harder than you think as long as you use common sense.

My husband has told me that he's not afraid of getting an ob (like I said, he tested positive but never an ob). He would rather have to deal with that and still be able to enjoy sex with me as much as possible! I think that's sweet in kind of a sick way....he'd get herpes for me!!!

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Thanks so much for your insight! My boyfriend says he is staying with me through this. I couldn't believe it when I heard. I thought for sure he would run. We are hoping to get married and have children one day. Question......where do I get dental dams?

Again thanks for your reply. It means the world to me, especially since I have been quiet and abstinent for such a long time.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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