help me im confused

[Going Crazy]

I just got diagnosed a week and a half ago. The last time i checked all std's was 4 years ago and was clean. So i figured i would get tested for everything again, I've only had 2 partners. The doctor told me I tested postitive for Herpes Simplex Virus 2. I was shocked, so shocked i didnt know what to say or ask. Ive had no symptoms at all. I looked all over the internet to find out exactly what it is. and got scared even more. To find out it could be anywhere on my body, and I have no clue where. Mouth, genital, skin. I dont no. I'm so scared I dont even want to touch anyone or shake hands, cause im afraid of spreading it. Both men i've bin with say they dont have it? So where did i get it. I also read some were that Mono, is a strand to the herpes family too, which i had 10 years ago. Sorry its so long but i dont know what to do. HElP ME

[Caliope]

Mono is not the same as hsv 2. It is the same family but totally different virus.

If you have only had two partners for any kind of sexual activity including oral sex then I'd theorize that one of them has it and just hasn't had it confirmed by testing or may be in denial of symptoms.

This link might help you understand hsv.

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/herpes_simplex_1_and_2.htm

[d84]

Sounds familiar

I am sort of in the same boat. I just found out that I have had the virus at least 8 months and maybe longer. I also have had no symptoms at all so I don't know where the virus is. I'm glad not to have the symptoms (I hear they are not fun) but I really wish that I knew where on my body I got infected as well. My doctor did tell me that there are some viruses that can cause a false positive for HSV although it is unlikely. I have had a few more sexual partners than you but still have no idea where mine came from. At the time that my test was positive, I had only slept with 2 people, neither of them had signs of infection as far as I know. I am still in disbelief...it's strange because I don't have any outbreaks yet it makes it way less real for me. I keep thinking that there could be a mistake or something. I would imagine you feel some of the same things! Life is crazy....I sure am glad to have found this message board though, it's very comforting to know there are many others going through the same thing.

[Susan101]

d 84,

I, too, feel somewhat in disbelief. Hubby and I have been married for 8 years. Neither of us had any symptoms until I had an ob 3 weeks ago. I was SHOCKED when the doc said it was herpes (biopsy type 2). Hubby later tested positive and has never had any symptoms. So we've both had it for at least 8 years (neither of us with any symptoms) and neither knows who gave it to whom (which we think is cool--no blame). Only one ob between us, we consider ourselves lucky. Maybe there ARE cases where it is so mild that those infected will have no outward symptoms or problems. We already know that the majority of people that have it don't even know. The only reason Hubby knows he has it is because of a test. I have had no other problems since my one ob 3 weeks ago.

I hope we can be a "success" story for other people going through this. I'll keep everyone posted. In the meantime, I find it very helpful to simply live my life as though this isn't an issue (of course, I'm only sexually involved with my husband, so that takes that element out of it). I take my supplements, make it a priority to get plenty of sleep at night, drink lots of water, and so far, so good! I honestly can't say I eat worth a crap or exercise (although I plan to!! Soon! I promise!!) but one thing at a time!

I wish you the best of luck and a happy, ob-free life!!

[struggling07]

Susan101,

Any advice on how to help a loved one cope with the idea that we can have a "normal" sex life once marrieed?

[Susan101]

I'll be honest, I have a much easier situation than you because I already have been married before I was diagnosed. My hubby was shocked but supportive from the beginning. I also had to let him be there for me. I felt unworthy of his love and affection in the beginning, and that was selfish on my part not to let him support me. It's not right for ME to have hang-ups about things if HE'S not, right?

I think education is the most important thing for both of you. Dig as deep as you can--there's not a whole lot out there that doesn't simply repeat itself, but every once in awhile you find a gem worth reading. Basically, if you're willing to get down into the medical trenches, so to speak, and really study those transmission rates (via various barrier methods or unprotected), you will see that with proper precautions you can have a very healthy sex life, children, etc....with little risk of transmission. Yes, I did say little, because the only absolute way to not infect the other person is complete abstinance. Most of us are not willing to go that route, so we examine Plan B.

There are tons of success stories out there regarding sex after herpes. I think herpes can make you need to be more creative sexually, but the things that you'll need to do will just become second nature or the

"new normal" (condoms, rubber gloves, dental dams, whatever you need to do for you both to feel comfortable for awhile). My opinion? I think at some point, especially if you're not having really frequent obs, you might both decide that it would be worth it to you and him to just take your chances. Only the two of you can decide that when/if the time is right.

I read somewhere (I'm going to get so slammed for not citing my sources today, but I SWEAR I read it!! I'll find it soon) that in one study where 100 HSV positive females were with 100 HSV negative males. In the course of the year, no suppressive meds were used, and no condoms, and only 3-4 of the male partners were infected. We're petrified of transmission, but it's' harder than you think as long as you use common sense.

My husband has told me that he's not afraid of getting an ob (like I said, he tested positive but never an ob). He would rather have to deal with that and still be able to enjoy sex with me as much as possible! I think that's sweet in kind of a sick way....he'd get herpes for me!!!

[struggling07]

Thanks so much for your insight! My boyfriend says he is staying with me through this. I couldn't believe it when I heard. I thought for sure he would run. We are hoping to get married and have children one day. Question......where do I get dental dams?

Again thanks for your reply. It means the world to me, especially since I have been quiet and abstinent for such a long time.