Jump to content

Diagnosed yesterday, worried about time off work, what to say???


Recommended Posts

Hello all,

I was just diagnosed yesterday and am in excruciating pain with my first outbreak

Firstly it felt able to deal with the pain but after the initial first couple of days, its got much much worse. So bad to the point where I cant walk without tears of pain (and I have a high pain threshold!!!) Going to the toilet, sitting down, walking about are all hell. I seem to only be able to get comfy in bed, lying in particular positions.

Reading through the site and what people have to say, I have a perspective and somewhat pragmatic approach to it. It will pass in a few weeks, I caught it early and am on 400mg 5 x a day Aciclovir and some pain killers. The hospital also gave me a few rubber syringes full of local anaesthetic (which KILLS on application but really soothes) My boyfriend is being tested on Friday as he had the flu symptoms really bad a couple of weekends ago but no actual herpes to see. (he's been amazing too)

Thing is; I recently (few months ago) landed the job of my dreams and have a great boss who is caring and understanding. What do I tell him I have???? I told him its a cyst. I had to leave work yesterday afternoon to go to hospital as i was in agony and the girls in the office are very gossipy so I told them its a cyst too. I'm not comfortable in lying what so ever but telling them the truth??? Ouch.

Is it ever right to tell your employer something this personal? The way I'm feeling right now, I cant actually see myself being able to walk and sit at a desk all day for the next few days, I also have aches and very sick/feverish. Is a cyst a valid reason for taking nearly a week off?

One more thing; I think I passed it to my nose before diagnosis through not washing my hands properly...

Any wise words or advice would be really appreciated. Its a tough thing to have to deal with but it could be a lot worse; i know...!

Thanks for reading


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just to add; I've had girls sending me texts and an email asking what wrong and am I ok. Its driving me insane!! I really need some advice as to what to say

thanks again


Link to comment
Share on other sites

You don't really have to explain anything, but i understand you feel you want to justify why you are sick,this question came up a while back, my answer was to say personal problems,that could mean anything, it also gives off the vibe to others, that you are not going to go into detail.

I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my employer the real reason, but then i haven't told anyone but my husband, and the other thousands who visit this site!!

Hope you are feeling better soon, it will pass, the first i think is always the worst,look after yourself, rest, early nights, and you will be as good as new soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks UKGirl.

They are such snoopers in my office; not just asking if i'm ok but whats wrong and your right, its none of their business.

Its such a painful (physically and emotionally) and confusing thing to happen to your body. no matter how safe you think you are. I fear that its spreading around the area too. I think I have it in my nose too. Any bathrom function brings a tear of pain and feel so sick/feverish. I am trying to take solice in this will fade but right now it doesnt seem to great.

Thanks again for your reply


Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could say you have an infected bartholins gland (those are in your vagina) and its too painful to sit. Or you could say that you have shingles - also really painful and you can get it anywhere on your body.

I completely understand why you wouldn't want your employer to know. I can't imagine ever saying this to my employer either.

Dermaplast spray helps when I am in my worst pain. I don't know if they have it over there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people ask questions because they are genuinely concerned and others because they like to talk.

You are in no way obligated to share the personal details of your life with anyone and this includes co-workers, friends, and even family members. In the working situation too much disclosure can cost you dearly and I recommend against it.

If someone asks you a question that is too personal it is okay to 1) take a long breath; think for a count of 5 (longer than you think) and decide what you want to do; 2) ask them why they want the details? 3) change the subject and let them know you are uncomfortable discussing it; 4) tell them the question is too personal; 5) ask them something completely off subject; or even, 6) let them know that you don't think they should be digging into your personal life and that you don't think they'd appreciate you doing it to them. (Always be polite)

You've worked very hard to get your "dream job" I am sure that others would love to have it themselves. Always, always, always be pro-active and protect what is yours.

Hsv sucks I'm sorry you're suffering but I don't recommend telling co-workers or your boss about your personal stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i know how you are feeling as far as the pain and discomfort go. i had my first ob which started on a weekend, but i bit the bullet and went to work and ended up with my period 3 days into the ob. not only did have i have no clue was what going on, the severe pain and discomfort were excruciating. i not only did not tell anybody at work, i did not tell my children either. only said at home that i was not feeling well due to my period. i agree with caliope regarding not telling your boss or co-workers. hang in there......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lie. Simple as that.

Tell your boss if you trust him more than you trust your best friend. I guess that's a no then!!

I certainly wouldn't tell my bosses. It's got absolutely nothing to do with them.

If you need a sick note, your doctor might put 'virus' on it - he/she wouldn't be lieing, just being a little vague.

Actually when I think about it, I've put 'virus' on my sick notes loads of times - I'm prone to flue viruses and gods knows what, which can't be treated with anti-biotics, and they've never been questioned before. (Luckily my outbreaks are not too bad and I don't need time off work to recover from them.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have the same problem, maybe worse

I also worry about what to tell my boss and big-boss. See, I was very sick for years, calling off of work a lot. I was going through all sorts of tests and really suffering. I eventually was diagnosed with Lyme's disease. I needed intravenous antibiotics for months and I am still on orals. I am now able to exercise, walk, and my nerve pain is almost gone. Anyway, work was really great and worked with me when I used to call out sick once a week and arrived late everyday due to pain and severe insomnia from nerve pain from the Lyme. So everyone at works assumes if i call out sick its related to my Lyme problems.

THEN, I get HSV1 from boyfriend during oral sex. He didn't know a cold sore could end up on one's genitals. Anyway, this happened in Dec. and it was so mild that i wasnt too concerned. It just looked like a paper cut next to a red circle. Well, tonight I had my first recurrence and it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced- more than surgery, the dentist, endometrosis, and Lyme (although the Lyme was more frightening because it was so weird). I am supposed to be at work tommorow to do something important. Worse, I looked fine at work today and people keep asking me when I am going to recover from the Lyme. There is no way I can go to work tommorow. I can't even stop shaking and clenching my teeth. I know work thinks I am a lazy ass and it is so sad. I've made up so many excuses the past years because I was embarrassed of always referring to my nerve pain and severe insomnia so now I know they think I am a burden.

What excuse will I use for tommorow? Damn, maybe shingles? That was a good idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I would advise you to just say you suddenly became ill with a possible stomach virus and are throwing up and so on or something like that if pressed to give a reason.

If I didnt have such a complicated history, I would have no qualms just calling out for 2 days. You are entitled to call out sick occasionally.

Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...


I had the same problem. I have a wonderful but occaisionally high stress job, i found out about my diagnosis friday and besides being in a considerable amount of pain I was also an emotional wreck. I had my dr call my work and explain to my coworker(who is a heinous nosey bitch) that I was ill and contagious and would not be coming in. I had my dr write a note as well and then called my coworker and told her that I have the flu and I was very sorry but I would not be able to make it to work. they were actually pretty understanding. I would not feel comfortable telling my boss, but I dont have a problem telling her that I have the flu. I hope this helps, good luck hun. We;re all in the same boat.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...

You do not have to tell your employer anything just tell them it is a personal issue. DO NOT tell them about your OB you will regret it. My sister works in a hospital and one of the employees had an OB and came to the hospital for treatment now everyone knows her business. That is something you do not want to get out. It is none of their business.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.