Diagnosed yesterday, worried about time off work, what to say???

[infinitygirl]

Hello all,

I was just diagnosed yesterday and am in excruciating pain with my first outbreak

Firstly it felt able to deal with the pain but after the initial first couple of days, its got much much worse. So bad to the point where I cant walk without tears of pain (and I have a high pain threshold!!!) Going to the toilet, sitting down, walking about are all hell. I seem to only be able to get comfy in bed, lying in particular positions.

Reading through the site and what people have to say, I have a perspective and somewhat pragmatic approach to it. It will pass in a few weeks, I caught it early and am on 400mg 5 x a day Aciclovir and some pain killers. The hospital also gave me a few rubber syringes full of local anaesthetic (which KILLS on application but really soothes) My boyfriend is being tested on Friday as he had the flu symptoms really bad a couple of weekends ago but no actual herpes to see. (he's been amazing too)

Thing is; I recently (few months ago) landed the job of my dreams and have a great boss who is caring and understanding. What do I tell him I have???? I told him its a cyst. I had to leave work yesterday afternoon to go to hospital as i was in agony and the girls in the office are very gossipy so I told them its a cyst too. I'm not comfortable in lying what so ever but telling them the truth??? Ouch.

Is it ever right to tell your employer something this personal? The way I'm feeling right now, I cant actually see myself being able to walk and sit at a desk all day for the next few days, I also have aches and very sick/feverish. Is a cyst a valid reason for taking nearly a week off?

One more thing; I think I passed it to my nose before diagnosis through not washing my hands properly...

Any wise words or advice would be really appreciated. Its a tough thing to have to deal with but it could be a lot worse; i know...!

Thanks for reading

x

[infinitygirl]

Just to add; I've had girls sending me texts and an email asking what wrong and am I ok. Its driving me insane!! I really need some advice as to what to say

thanks again

Katy

[uk girl]

You don't really have to explain anything, but i understand you feel you want to justify why you are sick,this question came up a while back, my answer was to say personal problems,that could mean anything, it also gives off the vibe to others, that you are not going to go into detail.

I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my employer the real reason, but then i haven't told anyone but my husband, and the other thousands who visit this site!!

Hope you are feeling better soon, it will pass, the first i think is always the worst,look after yourself, rest, early nights, and you will be as good as new soon.

[infinitygirl]

Thanks UKGirl.

They are such snoopers in my office; not just asking if i'm ok but whats wrong and your right, its none of their business.

Its such a painful (physically and emotionally) and confusing thing to happen to your body. no matter how safe you think you are. I fear that its spreading around the area too. I think I have it in my nose too. Any bathrom function brings a tear of pain and feel so sick/feverish. I am trying to take solice in this will fade but right now it doesnt seem to great.

Thanks again for your reply

x

[always searching]

You could say you have an infected bartholins gland (those are in your vagina) and its too painful to sit. Or you could say that you have shingles - also really painful and you can get it anywhere on your body.

I completely understand why you wouldn't want your employer to know. I can't imagine ever saying this to my employer either.

Dermaplast spray helps when I am in my worst pain. I don't know if they have it over there.

[Caliope]

Some people ask questions because they are genuinely concerned and others because they like to talk.

You are in no way obligated to share the personal details of your life with anyone and this includes co-workers, friends, and even family members. In the working situation too much disclosure can cost you dearly and I recommend against it.

If someone asks you a question that is too personal it is okay to 1) take a long breath; think for a count of 5 (longer than you think) and decide what you want to do; 2) ask them why they want the details? 3) change the subject and let them know you are uncomfortable discussing it; 4) tell them the question is too personal; 5) ask them something completely off subject; or even, 6) let them know that you don't think they should be digging into your personal life and that you don't think they'd appreciate you doing it to them. (Always be polite)

You've worked very hard to get your "dream job" I am sure that others would love to have it themselves. Always, always, always be pro-active and protect what is yours.

Hsv sucks I'm sorry you're suffering but I don't recommend telling co-workers or your boss about your personal stuff.

[bluefrog]

i know how you are feeling as far as the pain and discomfort go. i had my first ob which started on a weekend, but i bit the bullet and went to work and ended up with my period 3 days into the ob. not only did have i have no clue was what going on, the severe pain and discomfort were excruciating. i not only did not tell anybody at work, i did not tell my children either. only said at home that i was not feeling well due to my period. i agree with caliope regarding not telling your boss or co-workers. hang in there......

[tothefuture]

Lie. Simple as that.

Tell your boss if you trust him more than you trust your best friend. I guess that's a no then!!

I certainly wouldn't tell my bosses. It's got absolutely nothing to do with them.

If you need a sick note, your doctor might put 'virus' on it - he/she wouldn't be lieing, just being a little vague.

Actually when I think about it, I've put 'virus' on my sick notes loads of times - I'm prone to flue viruses and gods knows what, which can't be treated with anti-biotics, and they've never been questioned before. (Luckily my outbreaks are not too bad and I don't need time off work to recover from them.)

[Anon]

I have the same problem, maybe worse

I also worry about what to tell my boss and big-boss. See, I was very sick for years, calling off of work a lot. I was going through all sorts of tests and really suffering. I eventually was diagnosed with Lyme's disease. I needed intravenous antibiotics for months and I am still on orals. I am now able to exercise, walk, and my nerve pain is almost gone. Anyway, work was really great and worked with me when I used to call out sick once a week and arrived late everyday due to pain and severe insomnia from nerve pain from the Lyme. So everyone at works assumes if i call out sick its related to my Lyme problems.

THEN, I get HSV1 from boyfriend during oral sex. He didn't know a cold sore could end up on one's genitals. Anyway, this happened in Dec. and it was so mild that i wasnt too concerned. It just looked like a paper cut next to a red circle. Well, tonight I had my first recurrence and it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced- more than surgery, the dentist, endometrosis, and Lyme (although the Lyme was more frightening because it was so weird). I am supposed to be at work tommorow to do something important. Worse, I looked fine at work today and people keep asking me when I am going to recover from the Lyme. There is no way I can go to work tommorow. I can't even stop shaking and clenching my teeth. I know work thinks I am a lazy ass and it is so sad. I've made up so many excuses the past years because I was embarrassed of always referring to my nerve pain and severe insomnia so now I know they think I am a burden.

What excuse will I use for tommorow? Damn, maybe shingles? That was a good idea.

[Anon]

also

I would advise you to just say you suddenly became ill with a possible stomach virus and are throwing up and so on or something like that if pressed to give a reason.

If I didnt have such a complicated history, I would have no qualms just calling out for 2 days. You are entitled to call out sick occasionally.

Good luck.

[Malibu]

ouch

I had the same problem. I have a wonderful but occaisionally high stress job, i found out about my diagnosis friday and besides being in a considerable amount of pain I was also an emotional wreck. I had my dr call my work and explain to my coworker(who is a heinous nosey bitch) that I was ill and contagious and would not be coming in. I had my dr write a note as well and then called my coworker and told her that I have the flu and I was very sorry but I would not be able to make it to work. they were actually pretty understanding. I would not feel comfortable telling my boss, but I dont have a problem telling her that I have the flu. I hope this helps, good luck hun. We;re all in the same boat.

[devastatedbythis]

You do not have to tell your employer anything just tell them it is a personal issue. DO NOT tell them about your OB you will regret it. My sister works in a hospital and one of the employees had an OB and came to the hospital for treatment now everyone knows her business. That is something you do not want to get out. It is none of their business.