1 year aniversary....HA!

[ALONE-N-TULSA]

Well it's been one year today (07/04/06-07/04/07) since I've had sexual contact with a woman.....what now....run an ad in the local news paper:

"HORNY 45 YEAR OLD MALE WITH HERPES SEEK'S WOMAN WITH SAME THING....HURY BEFORE IT FALL'S OF DO TO SELF MANIPULATION" LOL

I'm sorry I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself....I hate that by the way!

(for myself that is) I've always been one to incourage others....you know the positive chap,can't help but love'm....finding something to say to help others when there down.Something is trouble me though....I've got 4 unkles (blood unkles) ones dead the other 3 are past 50 alone and unattached....I can't see myself that way....but I can't see myself in a relationship with a woman just for,shall we say....there I go rambling again....so read any good books latly? LOL,LMAO.

[lintrus]

I've got you beat by a few months.

Seriously though, it sucks when you get that perky feeling, and the idea taking care of it yourself is just not appealing at all.

I know that seems a bit less than romantic.

On the other hand though...

We can talk all we want about how sex should only happen between people who are serious about their relationship, but its moments like these that are the worst. Do most of us prefer such a situation, that is, a serious sexual relationship? Probably. I know I do. Do all of us frequently find ourselves in such a situation; did we, before H, usually find ourselves in such a situation? Probably not. And at least a few of us, including me, probably spent and still spend most of our time alone. Whether we choose/chose to or not, it happens. Some are always in a relationship. Some find them hard to come by. Herpes, for this second group especially, I think, takes its toll when it comes to this sort of thing. I ask/wonder/complain: It was already impossibly difficult to find someone to begin with. Now I have to deal with this?

The months go by without any physical contact, let alone emotional. You can feign that the emotional aspect doesn't hurt, that is doesn't bother you. Sometimes, you can even forget it. The same goes for the physical. But then, from time to time, autoeroticism just fails to do what its supposed to do, and you're left with this need that can't be met. That's when the emotional comes creeping in, making itself at home until you re-learn how to forget. You reminisce about the days when you could--even if you never really did--just pick someone up somewhere and for some small bit of time feel that intimate connection with another person for one night, just to remind yourself that you can still actually be with someone. And is there any better feeling than being with someone? Truly the question should be: is there any other way to be, to feel like you are?

Its like there having always been a crushing distance, and then, with a simple diagnoses, it grows, expands, takes on more weight. Looking at naked girls online can help up to a point, but when they just don't work anymore, there isn't anything left but the emptiness of pathetic nombrilism.

Certainly there's another point when you've had enough, when you say "fuck this, I'm done with feeling this way," but if you never really knew what to do in the first place, then a question follows: "what am I supposed to do...what am I supposed to do now?"

(sorry to bring down the mood of you post...just a few things I've been thinking about for way too long)