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My girlfriend has HERPES!!!


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Today, my girlfriend whom I've been dating for almost four months, casually mentioned to me that she has herpes. She told me she was diagnosed with herpes over a year ago when she had an outbreak. She claims she hasn't had an outbreak since.

Ever since we've met, we've been having wild, unprotected sex like mad. And now she lays this on me like it's no big deal. I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Aren't you supposed to tell someone you have herpes before having sex with them?" She shrugged and said, "Maybe you should use a condom for now on."

Needless to say, I'm a little freaked out about all this. I'm in my late 40s and haven't dated much in the last few years. When I met her, I fell under her spell. She's attractive, in her early 50s and has had several lovers. I am beside myself on how to handle this situation. At this juncture, I do not want to continue having sex with her. Beyond that, I'm not sure if I can even trust her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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she should have told you first and let you make that decision. go straight to the doctor and get tested and don't do that to anyone yourself. It may take a few weeks to show up in your blood test so if it comes back negative, go again in a few months to be tested again. She is a grown woman and knew better. That is pretty selfish. Don't freak out yet. I have hsv and to date my husband has not tested positive. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Good luck to you, titanic

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I am really sad to hear you story, that was really selfish what your girlfriend did,she thought only about herself, with no concern for you or your health.

You really do need to go and get tested, i really hope you are negative.

Only you can decide whether to continue this relationship,

I consider a relationship to be about honesty ,trust and respect, and she has clearly failed in all three.

Do not fall for the look of someone,my ex was really good looking, but a really horrible,sly and shallow person, looks alone will not make you happy.

I personally would stop all intimate contact,while you get your head round what road this relationship is going to take, think carefully, above anything put YOUR health and happiness first,because she certainly doesn't.

Let us know how you get on

take care

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i am very sorry to hear what your girl friend did it is horrible that she didn't think of your health. in some places what she did is considered assault. please go get tested as soon as possible and continue getting tested every 6-12 weeks it doesn't always show up right away.

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wow. I hate to tell you this my friend, but she is a selfish, self-centerd, narcisstic sack of shit. ALL THIS TIME AND SHE JUST NOW MENTIONS IT.

In her defense (if there IS one....ugh) you SHOULD HAVE BEEN USING A CONDOM ALL THIS TIME!! Did you two EVER before indulging in wild unprotected sex talk about STDS/HIV/ETC?!? Nobody knows a person long enough at four months to have unprotected sex UNLESS you BOTH HAVE BEEN TESTED FOR VARIOUS STDS.

Ultimately, she took advantage of the situation and has put you in a very precarious position. Please go get tested for EVERYTHING. Not just herpes, but HIV and the clap and all that "fun" stuff.

ME, I would dump her ass. It would be one thing if it was a one time thing...maybe, but she has built a "relationship' based on a farce and has played russian roulette with your life. And if she is so lackadaisical about THIS, think of all the other things she might have withheld from you.

I am sorry you have to go through this and I hope all works well for YOU and the outcome is a good one (meaning no herpes or anything else. ) Get a blood test now then again in about 3 months. Chalk this up to being a HARDCORE learning experience.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

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agree with what the others say... words that spring to mind are.

1) selfish

2) untrustworthy

3) underhand.

me thinks she may of not told you, cus once u have it, u may feel u then have to stay with her out of fear of not getting anyone else...

id get rid personally.... but thats your call.

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Very curious as to why she suddenly saw the need to tell you.

a Could be that she wants a reason to break up

b She perhaps wants a deeper relationship move it onto another level



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Maybe her relationship with the virus is such that she has more than come to terms with the whole thing, thinks it is nothing, acts like it is.....except if it were such a small deal, why not tell just as flippantly in the beginning. Give me the guy who fails to tell but labours over it in guilt, and comes clean a week later a nervous wreck.

Anyway let he who is without sin cast the first stone. One just never knows.


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  • 2 weeks later...

As it turns out, I don't have herpes. But she went and got tested, and is confirmed to have it. In between the time I found out I didn't have it, and the time she confirmed that she did, we had sex again ( I know it was stupid). Now, however, things are cooling off, both on my part and hers. I suspect we'll be breaking up very soon.

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Dont just take the first "negative" result and run with it, though it is 100% easier to be in denial and just not get retested and not know. It will always linger in your mind and in the mean time you could infect others if in fact you do have it and it just hasnt showed up yet in your blood. So get tested in 6 weeks and then again once more to be sure. It can take months to show up sometimes, especially if you got it asymptomatically and havent got any visible signs of it yet. Its worth it to be retested a few times to know for sure.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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