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I want to kill myself... :,(


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I don't know how to deal with this depression... I have been diagnosed 2 weeks ago... Just when I met the man I think is the one I could marry. The worst thing is that I've been a virgin until 26 and had sex for the first time with my best friend after a death in the family... I've only had sex a few times and this is what I get in return. It just seems to unfair and I don't know how to deal with it.... All I think about is how much I want to kill myself. I don't even know how to tell this guy I'm dating now... I've already made up stupid excuses the last time but when I see him next weekend, I'm gonna have to tell him because he wants to "make love to me".... And I just know he'll leave me....

I can't even tell anyone because I'm so ashamed... Only my mother knows and she is so scared I might infect my sister that my laundry is done separately...

I can't get out of bed.... All I do is cry all day long.... I need help but I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for it....

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I have a feeling that you just want to feel better and have hope that life will be good again. I promise you that things will get better - it is just very very hard in the beginning and often our fears get the best of us. There is no reason to believe that your life is over or you will always be alone. I know that this is a hard thing to deal with. I can only tell you that with time you will not feel so despondent. No one deserves hsv.

Suicide is not going to make stuff better. Ultimately it is a very selfish act that will only hurt the people around you who love you. Is that what you really want to do?

You are not going to infect your family from towels and laundry. Mom needs to know some facts. It is not fair for her to put this burden on you that way. Just make sure you wash your hands after touching any infected areas. Explain to mom that it doesn't transmit that way.

First I want to ask you if you have been sexually active in any way with your new man? Because you could get it from him. Secondly, did you know that oral sex is a way to contract herpes? It may not technically take your virginity but you can get std's from participating in oral sex practices.

Here is a link to help you understand hsv.


Give yourself some time. don't make any rash decisions.

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I'm just so scared...

Come to think of it... We did have oral sex.. or rather he gave me but it was before I got the disease... This is just so confusing... I guess it could have been him, I just don't know... Mostly, I'm just trying to get myself out of my room and don't know how to deal with everything... I just feel so ashamed...

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contact with the virus is what gives you the disease. it takes some time for the body to react to the virus but many people experience their first outbreak 2-26 days after exposure.

if your guy has oral herpes infections such as (coldsores or fever blisters) he could have infected you genitally.

I'd ask him if he's ever had a coldsore and if he's been tested for herpes. You should always ask about std's before sexual contact and understand that not everyone has actually been tested or tells the truth.

it is fairly easy to spread oral herpes to someone genitally and then to have it spread back by other sexual contact.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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