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Have not dated since being diagnosed


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Hi everyone,

It's good to know there is a place we can share our feelings and experiences.

I was diagnosed in Dec 06 after breaking up with my boyfriend of years who has been using drugs. I work in the health field. Needless to say, I was devasted when I noticed a sore and went to my doctor who told me I have HSV-2. Thank God it wasn't worse, still I have been traumatized by the experience.

I'm sure my ex-boyfriend gave it to me and I had to get therapy and took a month off from work. I have not had another out break since the first one n Dec.

I want to date again. There is a man I really am interested in. We've been talking on the phone and texting daily. Next week he is coming to visit me.

I sense that we will most likely click and possibly start dating. When should I tell him about my diagnosis? I don't want to scare him away. If we start dating and are not sexually active , should I wait awhile.

This is very hard for me. I know I have to tell him. I just don't want to say it too soon and scare him away.

Advice anyone.

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I wouldn't tell someone right away, nor would I wait until we start talking about sex or just before we have sex either.

Its probably better to wait until you've gone out with him 2-3 times, or maybe when the two of you start talking about past relationships.

I guess the thing is this: don't wait until he gets hooked on you--that wouldn't be fair to him--but don't spring it on him first thing, when he doesn't know you at all--that wouldn't be fair to you either.

--glad to hear you've bounced back.

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Thanks for the advice. You make some very good points about being fair to each other. He's a fun-loving guy and very humorous. I just hope that it doesn't scare him away whenever we talk about it.

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you really haven't broken out since then? have you been doing anything to not make it come back? i just got diagnosed fr the first time and i am scared that it's going to come back... how'd you get so lucky?

about telling this guy, let him get to know the real you first before he has the chance to judge you... make sense?

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ove yourself

I agree the getting to know the real you. After all that is how it should be anyway right? Let them fall in love with you not your dilemma! Afterall, we are from all walks of life, and are far ahead of alot of people I know. Saying that to say, we are honest and mature and lovable and beautiful , worthwhile, people right? I think it is self acceptance of our real selves. So yea we are a bit challenged at the moment but hey there are alot of people who are challenged in more ways than we are. I think part of the problem is we all want acceptance and love in some form or the other. It is like having your sole opened up for all of the world to see. ANd what they can see are sweet, loving and caring people from all walks of life who have so much to give back in the form of othere things besides sex. Although sex is important and I like it and enjopy it as much as the next person. but is would be a sad state of affairs if that was all we felt our value was. I think we are allcaught up in the romantic version of love and Igo through periods where I think the same thing as you. We don't blast to everyone that we have depression or can't pay our bills or we have really have bi polar issues or a nervous twitch or whatever the malady may be so why ever would we tell a person who is not worthy of our love that "thing" before it is necessary? It all boils down to one word respect of another human being. Give yourself sometime to love yourself and the wonderful person that you are!

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I just prayed and ask God to never let me have another ob. I also read that stress can contribute to obs. So I got my doctor to put me on a month medical leave from work so I could deal with it. I went back with a new attitude toward stressful situations. I try not let people or situations stress me out. I hace also started exercising weekly.

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Personally I'm seeing a guy who has hsv-1 genitally, and he told me about a week after we started talking to each other and at first I was freaked, but I came here and learned some things. I felt better and because he's so awesome I'm not letting it stop us. If this guy is a good guy, (and you make him sound like he is) He'll want to educate himself first then make an informed decision. also, let him know that it's the same as cold sores, just below the equator, that's all. If he has cold sores he has antibodies that will also help prevent him from reinfection. but only if you're type 1. If you're type two, it's still okay, just exercise common sense, and offer him websites and facts. Once he understands, he'll porbably feel reassured and see that you are NOT your virus. Being armed with good info is key. And be patient with him. He'll likely feel intimidated at first. That's natural. I did myself! But up front is best, because if he's the type to turn and run, then not only will you be more hurt after having had more time to grow attatched, but he will feel like you tried to trick him, and that would create a gap that you might not be able to bridge. Honesty is the best policy. Good luck!

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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