a rock and hard a place

[Enchanted_Lil]

My head is spinning. I have lived with HSV-1 for 28 years. Didn't have it diagnosed until about 15 years ago. At first I didn't really understand about it being contagious, etc. When I got married something clicked and I insisted we use safe sex techniques during outbreaks. That's all. Now I am divorced. In the span of one year I have been close to a relationship and had the talk 3 times. The first guy freaked totally at first but after some time to research and reflect he decided he was ok with it.(relationship never materialized, though not due to HSV-1). Second guy freaked out and said "no thank you". (FYI- he was a doctor and knew nothing about the virus. Despite all the articles I gave him he still decided he'd rather take his chances with someone else than with me.) Now third guy -- and here is where I lost it -- got terribly upset with me ...drumrole....for making it sound like it was a big deal. I mean he was REALLY ANGRY. Everyone gets cold sores he says, and you can go to the drugstore and buy those creams. If that's all there is to it why was I being so dramatic? The fact that I take Valtrex daily is what put me in the hypochodriac category in his opinion. Mind you he had not had a partner sya they had Herpes before so it wasn't like he was an old hand at this. I was absolutely floored by his reaction. Yes- I told him it's incurable, most people didn't realize it's Herpes... etc. Weird. Between the 2 extremes, I gotta tell ya- I don't have a clue how to handle "the talk" again if this relationship doesn't last.

[tothefuture]

Maybe you are building it up too much. All credit to you for telling them, but you're telling them you have something that most people have - I've heard statistics ranging from 50 to 90%. That said, I agree - VERY strange responses

The point is, if they'd all got tested for it - chances are 2 of them would have found out they've already got it!!!

[BoxofRain]

maybe this last guy actually has gotten cold sores in the past himself and doesnt want to admit to himself they are actually herpes, so when you made such a big deal, he freaked because its not something he wants to hear you make a big deal about.....just a possibility, not necessarily the case maybe though

[bluefrog]

i was thinking the same thing regarding the third guy freaking out. maybe he has hsv 1 and or 2 and doesnt know how to handle hearing about it or discussing it. i would def have him get checked if this is something you think might work out.

[Enchanted_Lil]

thank you

Hi all....new to using forums so thank you for your kindness. Couple of comments---

- I did not use the phrase "most people have them". The date did. I tried to explain it was more like 50% - 80% depending on who you read but he kept saying "most"

- Yes, the thought has crossed my mind that I may be workdong things wrong. 'Course I went on to tell him I was doing the best I could and considered it a learning experience. Didn't calm him down though. I actually started out the whole thing using "cold sore" instead of Herpes on the advice of a nurse friend, but when he kept going on and on about why was I even telling him I felt I had to say because lots of people didn't know it's real name is herpes and that makes lots of people feel "differently" on the subject.

- And yes... it crossed my mind that he had them and didn't "know" the whole story.

Just knowing you folks are out there caring helps alot

[Christy C]

Here's one article which will give you hope for the nest time the talk rolls in. A bit to long to post here.

Check it out on www.authorsden.com/christycharles

It's called Some Men Don't Run - the herpes talk having it again and again and again.

Don't dispair.

C