The Key is to Be Positive!

[starlang]

I started showing symptoms about a week ago and have gone to two docs since then and both visually diagnosed me and the today the GYN took a culture and I will hear back in two weeks...

At first I was really torn up about this, I mean how could you not be? I am only 19 and haven't even been sexually active that long! I felt like this was the end of my life, that I would be held up in my room every friday night to come! But after days and days of not knowing and barely moving from my bed I started looking around on the internet and seeing (mainly from this forum) that I really could have herpes and be normal and happy and everything I was before this....

I think the only way is to be positive, if you aren't it is only going to suck you down and become a vicious cycle! And while I haven't busted up the courage to tell everyone in my life I have started telling people I know I can trust, because as I see it the only way we can negate the social stigma is to show everyone that we are good people who happen to have a small thing wrong with us... why let one moment ruin our lives?

Positive ways I have found to deal with it:

-when I see a lot of ppl in once place (say the subway) I count off five and think about how at least one of them probably has it. or I count off ppl that walk past me by fives and keep a tab of how many sets there is, that is how many ppl I could have come in contact with who have herpes

-I have always been a commitment phobe who makes bad relationship decisions and now I will be forced to look at myself and them and see if this is really what I want before I jump into sex

- I have always had bad eating habits and now for health's sake I need to shape up and take better care of my body, and if I don't I will not be able to have sex and that is something I enjoy hugely!

- I have the tendancy to run myself ragged and stress myself until I get sick... now I have to keep my head on my sholders or else I will be in for a serious hurt

- I have to be more responsible with my sexual decisions, not that I was every highly whore-like but, now sex can stop being my way of meeting ppl or way of trying to find relationships

- I could have any multitude of diseases and they could be highly debilitating, but I only have something that hinders my sex life from time to time...

I don't see herpes as the end of my life, I see it as the begining of a better and healthier life!!

[always searching]

Great post!

[starlang]

thanks... just thought someone needed to say it!

[Support1]

It is funny that you are saying this. Everything that you have said in your post is what I believe too and it helps me to get through the day. One of my sayings is "It could be worse" and I truly do believe that. I do know of people who have far worse things than I do. For the past couple of weeks, I have had a setback. I was the one who was positive and offering individuals words of encouragement, but for past couple of weeks, I have been down and out and feeling just down right drained. However, today I felt better and I am going to try and stay in this frame of mind. Sometimes, it gets hard when the pain kicks in, but I guess I just have to remind myself that it could be worse. Great post!

[Christy C]

Not only is she positive she's proactive. Love what you're doing for the stigma.

Christy

[PoetLaureate]

I'm 19 too and feeling at least relatively certain I have HSV2, and it's good to hear someone being positive. I feel off and on about it; sometimes it seems like a horrifically awful thing and my sex/love life is ruined forever and other times it seems workable. I really do think of Herpes as a mental illness rather than a physical one, in some ways. It's stressful to imagine telling someone and it makes you paranoid about your body, but physically, it's only cold sores. Thanks for the positivity, starlang.

[benurising]

You really do have the right idea! Thank you for posting this.

[Learningtolive]

Thank you for that post.. I'm in my 2nd week.. and i have thought abot those things, bu you have made it hit home better

[elena]

Hi Starlang,

I agree with your positive outlook. To take it another level, I believe we are ahead of the curve in knowledge about HSV. Most people (I was one of them) are ignorant about the HSV. Since we have HSV, when it's appropriate, we can educate and help others, as well as help ourselves.

[7654002]

It's good to see the positive messages and feedback on this page. And, as much as I hate to be a downer, I thought it would be good for me (and maybe others) to share my story. I never thought I would be saying what I did in the parenthetical....but here it goes.

I was diagnosed about a year ago and before the official diagnosis by my doctor, I knew what it was. I'd searched the internet, mostly hoping to find information that it could be something else, but it wasn't. Initially, I felt my life was over and I was defective. Admittedly, I still feel that way from time to time.

When I had the first breakout, I had been in a relationship for over 2 years. It was impossible to determine who gave it to whom. We dealt with it, accepted it, and we lived a normal life. We broke up for unrelated reasons, and now it has taken a front seat in my life. Other than him, I haven't told anyone that I have it for fear that they'll feel sorry for me, or judge me. I know I'm probably just being paranoid and it will probably help to tell my best friend. She thinks I'd make a good wife, mother, etc., and it hurts, especially now, to hear her say that. Not to mention she will undoubtedly encourage me to meet people.

My feelings and "moments" do fluctuate. I'm not always this pathetic, but it is hard when I think of telling someone that I'm dating that I'm infected. Often times I find myself entertaining the idea of being alone - indefinitely - and being okay with it. That seems better than telling someone my secret.

Any encouraging words welcome. Thank you for listening.

[MsLucy]

All I can say is, read Starlang's post over and over until you've memorized the list of positives. Then repeat them to yourself every time you start to backslide into self-pity. Like everythig else in life, this is going to be what you make of it. It's your choice. You can let it become huge and take over your life, making you miserable at every turn, or you can think of it as what it is... a virus, a tiny little micro-organism that you can life with, love with, and do all the things everyone else does. Sure, you'll have ob's, and you'll have setbacks, but that's just part of living. Everybody is carrying some sort of baggage in this world. Maybe it's not herpes, but everyone has shit to deal with, and so much of it is a whole lot worse than H.

If it will make you feel better to share it with someone, tell your friend. If she thinks you'll make a good wife and mother, she's probably right. And there's not one single reason for you to think you won't, or can't, because of herpes. Life is what you make of it. The future is what you make of it. It's all up to you.

[awake67]

Good Source of Energy

Thank you for your strong positive and confident response to having herpes in such a short time after the shock of getting it!

You are a success story in the making!

God Bless!

[Learningtolive]

i want to thank you..

I read your post about a week into me finding out about my HSV. For the last 3 weeks I have been having anxiety/panic attacks, waking up in cold sweats, not sleeping bceuase I was dreading that I had something worse, like HIV.. I went so far as to plan my life for what was going to happennext after i took the test. Well, thanks to my faith and belife in God, as wel as the support of my family and boyfriend, I went and got my HIV screening,and it was negative.. I never envsioned my life so serioudly afer this issue of fingding out that I had herpes. Now, I don't even care, because I have my LIFE. I am so more consious about my decsions now. my health ( i am getting a full physical tommorow for my general health), mental helath ( i have a counselr now and will be seeing another doctor to help me deal with my anxiety issues, so when anything else come up in my world I will be prepared to deal with it, my physical helath ( I've been working out, eating right, and because of my little "stress" diet, lost about 10 lbs. And I am sooo apreciarive of everything and everybody in my life, my daughter, my parents, my bf and the counselrs at the health clinic.I will also be vlounterring in my local health facility and spredaing the words about STDs and HIV. i know people say (even me 3 weeks ago) that this was the worst thing that ever happened...Nah.. it is probaly the best thing that ever happened to me to allow me to appreciate life and everything it has to offer. Your post made me belive that! thank you

K.C

[Cutegal]

I started showing symptoms about a week ago and have gone to two docs since then and both visually diagnosed me and the today the GYN took a culture and I will hear back in two weeks...

At first I was really torn up about this, I mean how could you not be? I am only 19 and haven't even been sexually active that long! I felt like this was the end of my life, that I would be held up in my room every friday night to come! But after days and days of not knowing and barely moving from my bed I started looking around on the internet and seeing (mainly from this forum) that I really could have herpes and be normal and happy and everything I was before this....

I think the only way is to be positive, if you aren't it is only going to suck you down and become a vicious cycle! And while I haven't busted up the courage to tell everyone in my life I have started telling people I know I can trust, because as I see it the only way we can negate the social stigma is to show everyone that we are good people who happen to have a small thing wrong with us... why let one moment ruin our lives?

Positive ways I have found to deal with it:

-when I see a lot of ppl in once place (say the subway) I count off five and think about how at least one of them probably has it. or I count off ppl that walk past me by fives and keep a tab of how many sets there is, that is how many ppl I could have come in contact with who have herpes

-I have always been a commitment phobe who makes bad relationship decisions and now I will be forced to look at myself and them and see if this is really what I want before I jump into sex

- I have always had bad eating habits and now for health's sake I need to shape up and take better care of my body, and if I don't I will not be able to have sex and that is something I enjoy hugely!

- I have the tendancy to run myself ragged and stress myself until I get sick... now I have to keep my head on my sholders or else I will be in for a serious hurt

- I have to be more responsible with my sexual decisions, not that I was every highly whore-like but, now sex can stop being my way of meeting ppl or way of trying to find relationships

- I could have any multitude of diseases and they could be highly debilitating, but I only have something that hinders my sex life from time to time...

I don't see herpes as the end of my life, I see it as the begining of a better and healthier life!!

Now that's really inspirating what u've wrote...

[starphyse]

really awesome

Awesome point of you to provide, people tend to take things for granted. Sometimes a wakeup call is good to learn to appreciate life in its fullness. Your a great woman for thinking that way.

If I do get unlucky and get hsv from my gf good to know you guys are such awesome people.