lou. Im knew here and im terrified.

[lou11]

Hi im Lou. Im so sorry this may be long but please somone read it. Iv recently found out that i have herpes:( i have had it for about 2/3 weeks. I was really ill before i got dignosed i was really dehydrated and had to stay in the hospital. A Few days into my illness i had this Incredible pain down below and when i checked i had these huge blisters! And as i still live at home with my mum i got her to check and we decided to leave it a little while. As she suggested to just use femi fresh. It gott soooo painfull and when i went to the toilet i was in such agony! i got 100 times worse so i went to the docs where they told me that it was herpes. I had an inclin that it would be that even though i havent had sex for a long while. i was in total shock and didnt no what do with myself. I was in denial for a few days and now its hit me... i have this "grose" disease that gets completly sterotyped with dirty people. Im not that what am i going to do? im so young, at 17 and having this? What about future boyfreinds? i cant have oral sex? i dont even want to anymore! what about getting pregnant? i need to use condoms at all times! how will it work? i have soo many questions its unreal. im soo terrified. Iv never been this scared before. i feel alone. I cant tell anyone not even my mum i told her it was an infection.Im so ashamed! I no who i caught it from because iv only ever slept with one person. First time having sex and iv caught this. Why me ? I have realised one thing though, the boy who i caught it from i just wanted to KILL! (not literally) i wanted some kind of revenge, i was drunk too. He was much older and more experienced! it makes me feel so sick thinking about him and what he has done. But now i feel i have to loook into the future and not into the past. That doesnt excuse the fact im soo scared! How many times i have said it in this ESSAY! Im so so sorry its so long i just wnat to be heard by someone. I find it better to look at what others have wrote and to feel im not alone. I feel for all of you who have it.Maybe in time i will get over it but at the moment im still suffering badly from it.its not as agonising as it was before but the tablets i was taking had nasty side affrects the tablets and cream were called: Aciclovir. So i thought i would just let it take its tole. But it still hurts like mad. Any advice on more cream or tablets? Im too scared to go back to the docs again on my own. Theres no one i could go with. Theres my story, i really do hope anyone that reads this can help me or give me any advice. Thankyou. I spose i was just one of the unlucky ones

[benurising]

You aren't alone. And this is not the end of your life in any way. There is a big stigma with herpes, but really... there are tons of people with it. The disease itself isn't gross. Ok... outbreaks can be (but so is your period! LOL)

You will be able to have sex again. You will be able to date and love. Two keys to this... be honest, and be safe.

I don't know enough about the treatments to recomend another. I do hear that warm baths are very helpful. If you need to go to the doctor by yourself, then do it. It may be emotionally draining, but it's probably worth it!

**hugs** It will get better. Don't worry.

[thiscantbe]

It's hard not to feel unlucky with this, especially if you haven't really "lived" sexually like some people have.

The meds you have are what doctors typically give. You can use something for pain on your parts tho, cause I don't think the cream/pills helped at all for the pain until things started to healing up a couple days later. You could always go back to your doc and ask for a full-fledged painkiller (altho that doesn't sound like something you want to do). There are medicines that contain lidocaine or other similar painkillers (they all end in -caine) that you can spray or rub on your tender areas (the spray on ones are often sold to new moms, also check the poison ivy/rash area, and the rub on stuff is often in the cold sore section of the pharmacy). Also, this sounds gross but pee in the shower or tub and just rinse off after (it dilutes the urine so you don't need to scream in pain).

Some people swear by an alcohol-based hand sanitizer, tea tree oil, jojoba oil, and other stuff to help the bumps dry up faster (and thus cause less pain). Next time I have an outbreak I'm going to try out some of those things to see what makes it go away faster.

As for the future, you can still have sex, have babies, and live a mostly normal life.

For babies, hopefully you won't have an outbreak near the time of delivery and you can even have a vaginal delivery, but even if you do have an outbreak, they can do a c-section to prevent the baby from getting it. As for getting preggo in the first place, probably by the time you find someone you want to have a baby with, they will be willing to take small risk with you and have unprotected sex in order for you to conceive (assuming of course you don't have an outbreak).

You can give oral, but if you want to receive oral, your partner must be aware there is a slight risk they can catch it even if you don't have an outbreak (altho oral hsv2 doesn't sound nearly so terrible, but then of course they have to worry about passing it on to future partners, so disclosure is really important).

If you are *really* worried about transmitting it to a partner, you can also take those pills you are taking now (but at a lower dosage) to reduce the amount if virus you shed when you aren't having an outbreak, and maybe on a lower dosage the side effects wouldn't be as bothersome.

Hope you feel better soon. I am still getting over my first outbreak (it's been over 2 weeks - my doctor said I had a pretty severe primary outbreak) so I feel your pain with this crappy virus and the distress it causes, especially when you first get your diagnosis.

[TITANIC]

go easy on yourself

Just remember the first outbreak is usually the worst. Do not be so hard on yourself sweetheart, everyone has some skeleton their closet. Please try to go to your mom andd tell her so she can help you. i have a daughter that is probably close to your age and I cannot imagine her no being able to tell me.

Mothers are tougher than you think.

Educate yourself, get over the intial shock and I promise you will be better. I was diagnosed several months ago and it is hard in the beginning but it does get better and slowly you will begin to not think of it constantly. Give yourself some time to adjust BUT!!!! REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT DYING IT IS A SKIN DISORDER NOT THE DEATH SENTENCE.

You will have love, you willhave sex, and you will grow into a old,old woman

with many happy memories just live for today get through one day then the next day and pretty soon it will become a mere thought to you. Take your meds, get rest, take vitamins and read read read everything to educate yourself. take care, here is a big hug from another mom you need one!

[lou11]

Thankyou x

Arr wow thankyou For replying to me. All of you. I didnt realise you can get so much advise from real people who suffer too.

Im learning a little bit more everyday! thankyou for trying to give me the courage to tell my mum. And thanks for the medicine advise im deffo going to try them.

Thankyou for your words of wisdom. They have already made me feel 100 times better. x

[BoxofRain]

you CANT give oral without putting others at risk as well, I dont think the above person who posted that had read your other post where you said you had coldsores since you were a child. Since that is the case, you have oral herpes type 1, as well as genital herpes and so anything with either region puts others at risk. Inform all people to prevent them from unwillingly contracting this from you. Take time for yourself however, as you are so young, and do not even think about dating until much later when you have had a chance to absorb all of this and regain your sense of self. It may take a while.....its taken me 2 full years to even begin to feel like a human, but it will happen at some point.I know it seems hopeless but it will happen.

[MsLucy]

I know it's scary at first, Lou, but take a deep breath and try to calm down. Like Titanic said, it's not a death sentence. The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is read! read! read! everything you can find on the subject. With knowledge comes the power to help control the virus and keep yourself well, physically and emotionally. Prescription meds help, but there are also a lot of things you can do on your own to minimize the ob's and severity. These forums are full of ideas and info. Experiment until you find something that works for you, but do it safely. Tell your mom, if you haven't yet. I have a teenage son of my own, and I can tell you that she'd want to help and support you. That's what mom's do. It gets easier, I promise. And forget about the stereotype. Having herpes doesn't define who you are. You're still the same person you were before. I participate in several forums, and I can tell you that some of the nicest people I've met have herpes.

You have your whole life ahead of you, honey, and it will be a good one. Do what you can to minimize your ob's, take care of yourself physically and emotionally, and the rest will work itself out, one step at a time. Honest.