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Hmmm, where should I start sharing my story.

He and I were friends who would go out dancing or to dinner. After some time he told me he wanted to date me. I said no at first because I just thought he wasn't sincere. Remember, I knew things about him because we were "friends" (so I thought) and we hang out with the same group.

After a few weeks we were in an exclusive relationship and eventually, we became intimate. I still recall the day the condom broke. I freaked out because I didn't want to become pregnant. Before anything transpired intimately between us we discussed the last time we had an STD exam. He claimed his was clean and it was recent. A few weeks later I am feeling some pain in my private part. I quickly began to freak out and went online to do some research. I asked him what did he give me and ofcourse he said I have nothing. BS!!

My doc was able to diagnose me with herpes. :( Talk about becoming numb...instantly. :eek: He was in the waiting room. My doc called him in and asked him a few questions but ofcourse he will deny ever having an STD. I just wanted to jump on him at that moment. He lied about everything. He claimed this doesn't change our relationship because he still wanted to be with me. So ofcourse I asked why would he want to date a woman who (let's assume for a sec I did give it to him...which I know I didn't) gave him an STD. Let's be real, he wasn't angry, pissed of or anything. This is when I became more convinced it was him who gave it to me. My doc said if he were a betting man, he would bet it was him who gave it to me.

Now I feel like I have an X on my back. I wonder when people talk to me, if they can tell I have this. I know it isn't visible but I feel it is on me. When a man approaches me, in my mind I am saying to myself "you don't want to be with me because I have this virus running through my body". I feel very tainted as well as ANGRY and HOPELESS.

Is it wrong for wishing him pain? I am never a negative person. Never wish any negativity on anyone.....ever. But this dude has changed my life from what it use to be. He doesn't understand why I am feeling this way. I truly believed he expected me to stay with him because I have no other choice.

Today it's herpes tomorrow God only knows what he may give to me. I rather walk away with herpes than a death sentence.

I do not know how to stop thinking about this or how not to be so damn negative. I honestly don't see myself getting into a relationship with anyone. Just don't believe a man will accept me like this. :mad: I have only shared my story with one person and that was difficult in itself. I feel lost. Dude has stopped contacting me after I told him to go to hell in so many words.

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I'm sorry for what you have gone through, unfortunately I have read too many stories like yours on this same board. You are not alone, there are many out there with this virus, and they live very normal lives with great relationships. Whether someone has a virus does not preclude them from faliing in love. Contrary to popular culture, love and relationships CAN come before sex, and if you meet someone else (and you will) then trust and respect could develop before you even have to tell them you have herpes, just make sure you do before you become intimate.

Let me address one thing for all out there, condoms do not protect you from Herpes, so regardless of if they break or not, they do not guarantee protection.

Best of luck!


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I am/WAS in the exact same boat. He denied he gave it to me, and said i was probably the one who was sleeping around getting diseases, yet... I have proof the 1 month before sleeping with him (and i hadnt slept with anyone else in that time) i was disease free... its 3-4 months now.. tomoro, im going to get tested again just to make sure other things arent there, and im already scarred...I wasnt sure if i should stay with him or not, i did for a few weeks, but SLOWLY but surely everything i thought i liked about him turned to hate, Even after I told him I had HSV2... He wouldnt/hasnt been tested.. He told me he did and lied... I told him that tomorow if my test shows up anything else, he wont live to see his 30th birthday... believe me, I am one of the nicest people you'd ever meet... But really Im 95% he knew about it, being that he doesnt care to get tested, the whole idea of Having HSV2, didnt seem like he really cared when I told him. He still denies he has even though we slept together about 20-40 times afterward. I realised a guy who can do all that really isnt worth my time... He obviously doesnt care about my well being!!.. so..are I broke up with him, he got mad, and I just wiped it off my shoulder and didnt care, jus like the whole HSV2 thing..I hope he doesnt do this to another girl, which im sure he will... Ugh it makes me so angry!!!

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My situation was very similar too. The guy who gave me this did not react in the manner in which I thought he should. He was too calm as if he already knew what it was. I felt very stupid as well and to this day I still get angry with him because I do not understand how someone could do this to someone else. Right now I am crying because it just really enrages me that someone could be so freakin stupid. I know no one put a gun to my head and told me to have sex with him, but I was in a relationship in which I thought I could trust this person. It really pisses me off and I know that it could be worse, but the pain that I get in my back almost every day is really bad enough for me. He acted as if it did not matter and that I was overreacting about the situation. So, believe me, I know how you are feeling. Just keep your head up as much as you can and try to stay positive because the stress can cause this virus to become active. Take care of yourself!

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I've told this story before, but someone I love and respect had a similar experience with someone she was dating. After waiting into her 20's to have sex, a guy she was dating at the time for over a year, convinced her to have sex and told her the next day he gave her herpes. He had a very promiscuous past with women and he constantly cheated on this girl. I believe he did this just so she couldn't leave him and so he could continue to cheat. She felt that her options were removed, and they were engaged until she finally had enough of his lying and cheating and left.

I was out of touch with her during this time and when I found out what happened I couldn't believe someone who do this to another person, especially someone like her. There are a lot of really dispicable and terrible people out there and you have to learn to love and respect yourself to protect yourself from these people. Build your own character and develop core principles to which you never compromise for anyone and never apologize for being strong. It's never too late to 'find yourself' and become a strong and respected individual.

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Despondent again

Hi all,

I'm going to try to make this brief. I've had HSVI genitally for 7 years now, same old story, guy never admitted it, didn't get tested, said if he had it he would know..Uhmmm.... Anyway, I've been fortunate to not getting any physical outbreaks for a number of years, just the first one was a mild one....anyway about 3 weeks ago I told this new guy that I like very much that I had it and after 2 weeks of thinking He decides that although he likes me he just can't seem to get passed it....anyway, I don't have any ill feelings toward him as I must repect him for at least talking about his concerns. Anyway I was obviously very bummed and depressed and now I have sores on my tongue!! I have never had any coldsores ever and I went to Urgent Care yesterday to have them checked out and she so non challantly said that "all oral lesions are considered Oral Herpes" and the everyone has this virus it just lies dormant in some...now I know she is not 100% correct. well, I called my doctor and he is going to see me tomorrow...Anyway, I know there is just no way of telling if I already had the virus and it developed through my stress or if I was newly infected (I went on a date last Sat and only kissed the guy goodnight- could I have such bad luck???) I am so sad over this, and now when I have this talk with other potentials, I have to tell them I have Herpes, orally and genitally????? It seems too much to bear!!!! Has anyone else had similar circumstances or any advice.... Thanks!

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Hi there 4everhopeful

The stress can bring one one and a bad one too. I wouldn't so easily disreagard what the nurse said. It may turn out to be true. That we all have the virus or at least are susceptible to catching it. It may all boil down to the strength of our immune system. When you think of the numbers of people out there with herpes, half of whom don't even know (lucky bastards) it somewhat makes sense that we make ourselves suseptible to outbreaks by poor dietary choices, a stressed lifestyle etc. I know when I contracted herpes I was not in my best form phyically. I had just started company, Left a boyfriend who was an abuser, fallen for another man big time, changed house, not getting enough sleep.... it may well be that I had this virus already but was just not ever run down enough for it to manifest itsself. Who knows, it's certainly one possiblity.

Having come here has made me question alot of things I took for granted. Up to a week ago I felt I was given this virus now I am not sure at all at what point in my life I was exposed to it. Just my recent thoughts.


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NOT everyone has this virus

altho there are tons of people who have some type of hsv, the fact is that some people have never caught it. It is not just dormant in their systems; they do not have it anywhere. That is why some people are said to have a primary outbreak - the outbreak when their body first gets attacked by any type of hsv virus, and they get so sick from it. It's differentiated from an initial outbreak, which is defined as when you encounter a second type of HSV for the first time (like if you had oral hsv1 already, but then caught hsv2 genitally, the first OB at the time you caught it would be considered an initial OB)

as for susceptibility, too many life stresses, ill health, weak immune system, etc can make it easier to catch nearly anything, whether it be the common cold or herpes...

As to the nurse who saw you, maybe what you had clearly looked like herpes and that is why she was comfortable saying that, but not all oral sores/lesions are really herpes. It may be difficult to tell canker sores and herpes lesions apart (which is why some might call their herpes sores canker sores), but they really are different as one is not caused by herpes.

Being stressed and such could certainly bring on an OB... but hopefully your doc can test your sores and see if it is really oral herpes (but like you said you can't really tell if it's new, since you've had the other for such a long time).

Here's to hoping you have something else on your tongue! But if not, at least you don't seem prone to oral outbreaks (assuming you just didn't catch it).

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Well, saw my Doctor today and he thought my lesions on my tongue 'were not concerning to him' they did not look like "typical" hepres lesions and that they didn't spread and are not painful - He also thought that a culture of these lesions would not give a definitive answer. He was going to put a call into his ID (Infectious Disease) guy and ask him and if he thought a culture would be beneficial then he would send me to him. As it stands, he said if it was herpes then I had been properly treated with the Valtrex and if it wasn't, it wouldn't hurt me... so basically I am still unclear as to what I have orally. I guess I'm in a wait and see pattern to see if I should get these sores again. I think that is what is upsetting me most, if it is herpes I do not know how it will affect me physically - how many outbreaks will I get, where,etc...with my ghI I know exactly how it affects me (which I'm fortunate to not get any physical outbreaks anymore, just some tingling from time to time).. Anyway that is where my story is today....thanks so much for letting me share. If anyone else gets lesions on their tongue I'd like to hear from you...

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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