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I'm so scared

Brookie

By Brookie
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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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Can't stop crying . So sureal. I am still waiting to wake up. I am married and went to a sales function where I got drunk and had an affair with one of my sales guys and all becasue of alcohol!! After being misdiagnosed for 4 months, 4 MONTHS!!!!!! I went to a clinic and asked to be tested for herpes and HIV. Tested positive for HSV2 - I had burning for so long. Nothing else. I am waiting for the BIG OUTBREAK and I am so damn scared. I even have an operation scheduled at Stanford for July 31 because they told me it was interstitial cystitis!!! Just unbelieveable - all the doctors I saw, and I saw at least 5, said it was not herpes, just can't believe it - I cheated on my wonderful husband of ten years and now I may have infected him. When I called the guy all he could tell me is he was sorry and asked me who was I going to tell. BASTARD! I went to a psycotherapist who almost admittted me becasue I feel I am having a nervous breakdown and just can't stop crying. The cops even showed up at my house after I didn't answer my phone. I thought the men in the little white coats were not far behind. I feel alone, helpless and cannot stop crying. I never typed so fast in my life! I did tell my husband, after I got the reults a few days ago, and he will be tested next week. He is a farmer and this is just going to kill him if he has it. He is devasted but is sticking by my side. What a husband, huh? Thanks for listening because right now this forum is all I have. For two days I couldn't even figure out how to post a message as I was so damn distraught! I cannot thank you enough -

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MikeTwo Honeycomb Member

MikeTwo

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I hate this has happened, it's a risk anyone takes must recognize, drunk or sober. Well, you have told the person who should know this and it sounds as if he has begun to forgive you, I hope you can both talk openly about the pain this has caused to all. You have to learn to forgive yourself as well. I wish the best for both you and your husband.

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MsLucy Platinum Support Member

MsLucy

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Mike's right. You have to forgive yourself. Granted, you made a mistake, but you're trying to make it right, and that's all you can do. All of us are given to moments of weakness. It's human. But what's done is done, and the best thing both of you can do now is try to move forward. Some of life's lessons are hard, and they don't get much harder than what you're going through, but you can get through this, and so can your husband. I'm sure he can see how terrible you feel, and that your regret is sincere. I feel for you. But if you can both be strong and be supportive of each other, you'll make it through. Good luck. Let us know how you're doing, okay? We care.

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mroy324 Honeycomb Member

mroy324

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Hello Brookie-

First off--you're not alone in this. While some of our backgrounds/histories are very different we all have this in common...I've found comfort in that and it has helped me both physically and mentally.

My story is nearly identical to yours...I contracted HSV-2 through a drunken one-night affair. I was to FOUR different Drs in 5 days. Two trips to the ER, one to my family practice, and it took a "follow up" to my OB to determine herpes...I was diagnosed with a urinary tract infection, a kidney infection, and pelvic inflamitory disease...it just goes to show how tricky this virus can be.

My husband too has forgiven me...I too am having an extremely difficult time forgiving myself. We have yet to make love since my diagnosis back in the end of May, because I can't tell what the heck my body is doing, and I'm so terribly scared that I might pass it to him.

Please let me or anyone else here know if there is anything we can do to help you get through this. Keep your chin up, once you're body begins to heal you'll be able to start the emotional battle...

Very best wishes.

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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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So scared

I wish, god how I wish I had someone to talk to face to face. No support groups anywhere near me. It's horrible. If so many people have it why don't I know anyone who has it?? I am so sick, mentally and physically. It is killing me.

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MikeTwo Honeycomb Member

MikeTwo

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Posted

Brookie,

Don't you have a close friend or family member? Someone you know will not judge you but just listen and talk? Does your husband want to talk?

You can always come here for support, but I think it would be good to find someone close to see face to face. I'm sure you know someone.

Best wishes,

Mike

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