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So scared

Brookie

By Brookie
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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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Can't stop crying . So sureal. I am still waiting to wake up. I am married and went to a sales function where I got drunk and had an affair with one of my sales guys and all becasue of alcohol!! After being misdiagnosed for 4 months, 4 MONTHS!!!!!! I went to a clinic and asked to be tested for herpes and HIV. Tested positive for HSV2 - I had burning for so long. Nothing else. I am waiting for the BIG OUTBREAK and I am so damn scared. I even have an operation scheduled at Stanford for July 31 because they told me it was interstitial cystitis!!! Just unbelieveable - all the doctors I saw, and I saw at least 5, said it was not herpes, just can't believe it - I cheated on my wonderful husband of ten years and now I may have infected him. When I called the guy all he could tell me is he was sorry and asked me who was I going to tell. BASTARD! I went to a psycotherapist who almost admittted me becasue I feel I am having a nervous breakdown and just can't stop crying. The cops even showed up at my house after I didn't answer my phone. I thought the men in the little white coats were not far behind. I feel alone, helpless and cannot stop crying. I never typed so fast in my life! I did tell my husband, after I got the reults a few days ago, and he will be tested next week. He is a farmer and this is just going to kill him if he has it. He is devasted but is sticking by my side. What a husband, huh? Thanks for listening because right now this forum is all I have. For two days I couldn't even figure out how to post a message as I was so damn distraught! I cannot thank you enough -

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TITANIC Honeycomb Member

TITANIC

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Please don't beat yourself up so badly, you cannot go back and undo it now. You have made the first big move telling your spouse. Now that that issue is over with, you may begin to educate yourself and ,ake it as smoothas possible. It is not the end of your life just a different way of dealing with a few things. Take each day one at a time at a time and break it down into smaller fragments of time instead of looking at your whole life at one time just keep tellingyourself i will get through the next hour then the next AND THEN PRETTY SOON YOU WILL BE GETTING THROUGH DAYS THEN WEEKS,THEN MONTHS DO NOT LET IT BE YOUR WORLD YOU ARE STILL THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE THIS. now,Give yourself a hug you are worth it

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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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It's hard because I literarally feel like crap. Have had this irritation for almost 4 months now. The docs say there's no need to prescribe me anything unless I had several outbreaks in a row. My first outbreak was not with sores, just alot of burning. I'm waiting for the big one :(

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mroy324 Honeycomb Member

mroy324

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No offence to the medical profession. But get yourself some meds. When I had my first OB I was prescribed Valtrex 1gm tablets twice a day for 10 days. I've been treating subsequent outbreaks as they occur...1/2 of a Valtrex tablet twice a day for 3 days.

Sorry to be a little graphic, but because we're women we can have OB's internally and at our cervical opening. Because everything down there and internally is so lubricated we don't have typical blisters (at least I don't).

And you may have already had your "big one" everyone is different. Get some different opinions and get some antivirals. Let us know how things go.

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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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Thanks for your reply. Not very fond of the medical profession right now as you probably guessed. Afraid take the meds due to long term effects but feeling really crappy so I will get to the doctor. Thanks again for your support - really helps alot -

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always searching Honeycomb Member

always searching

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{hugs} Just take it one day at a time. I am sorry you had to go through all of this. If you read my posts I had a similar story.

I know its hard right now. All the emotions are raw and its hard to see the big picture. You are blessed to have such a wonderful man in your life.

We all make mistakes.

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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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A wonderful husband is an understatement. He bought me a dozen roses yeaterday, 11 white and one red. The card read; you broke my heart, you broke my trust but not my love. I'll always stand by your side -

I have no words at this time other than I feel like the luckiest woman alive right now. I have found that I have my husband for support as well right now and it's hard for me to look to him for that given the circumstances.

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always searching Honeycomb Member

always searching

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I totally understand what you are going through. I also feel a tremendous amount of guilt. I guess you just have to learn to forgive yourself, as your husband has forgiven you. I know thats hard. Sometimes it seems like it would be easier if he acted like a jerk. But you are truly blessed to have him.

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MikeTwo Honeycomb Member

MikeTwo

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A wonderful husband is an understatement. He bought me a dozen roses yeaterday, 11 white and one red. The card read; you broke my heart, you broke my trust but not my love. I'll always stand by your side -

I have no words at this time other than I feel like the luckiest woman alive right now. I have found that I have my husband for support as well right now and it's hard for me to look to him for that given the circumstances.

Sounds like there is still a foundation for you to build and regain his trust and move forward. Forgive yourself for this transgression since we ALL make terrible mistakes and often hurt those we care aout the most.

Best to the both of you!

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Brookie Established Member

Brookie

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I cannot believe the amount of support I have with all of you. It's truly a blessing because I would have never, ever, gotten through this past week without you. Wish we could all meet for a big group hug ;-) You are all very special to me even though I have never met any of you - by the way, my name is Brooke and I have herpes.

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SmilingThroughTheRain Honeycomb Member

SmilingThroughTheRain

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Hi Brookie.

Dont beat yourself up about it. Like yourself and some others on this forum, I too got it from making one really bad choice and now its something i have to live with for the rest of my life. I never thought i was the cheating type, but it takes only once to make a bad mistake and it changes your life forever. The hardest part i find is forgiving yourself. I am finding that i am learning to love myself all over again. I would strongly suggest counselling so that both you and your husband can sit down and fix the trust issues in a positive enviroment. Your not alone. Things will get better. We all have bad days :) but just know that we are here for you whenever you need to talk or have a question.

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ifeelruined Newbie

ifeelruined

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That is admirable of your husband, you are very lucky. It is a very difficult thing to go thru but if someone stands by you, I think that would make a world of difference.

I have a similiar situation, but not married, I have a wonderful woman in my life and have to tell her. I am away from her right now, but will tell her when I see her again, but I am so afraid of losing her. I have panic attacks right now because I have no idea how she will react, I am just hoping for the best.

I just had my first ob and my doctor immediately put me on Valtrex and it definitely helped me.

I think you are right this forum definitely helps, as I have not been able to tell anyone close to me but I think we all need to talk about it.

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