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Its cost me my marriage

unattractive

By unattractive
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unattractive Honeycomb Member

unattractive

Posted
Posted

I havent been here for a while and I havent had any ob's. I guess I thought it was all a dream until my husband told me that he has feelings for another girl. We havent had sex in a long time. When I first found out we used condoms but latley there is no sex. He cant deal. He wont even get information about it. Hes negative for 2 but has 1 and I feel like an alien. What he wants is both. Me for the family part and her for the physical part. As a woman I cant deal with that. Its not normal to me. I want him to just accept and live the herpes life with me but he cant. I cant blame him I guess for feeling this way nor can he blame me. So it seems the best thing to do would be to get a divorce. I just had a baby and I thought I was living a good life but this thing has turned my world upside down. I cant see myself dating or sexing with anyone if we do get divorced. Im pretty much done trying to have happiness.I've read that some people have found it after herpes but I dont think thats the case for me.

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bluefrog Acknowledged Support Member

bluefrog

Posted
Posted

i am sorry to hear about your situation. i do feel that you will have a relationship and sex and a husband, if you so choose in the future. it is difficult to deal with this, especially being alone, but it will get easier (I am hoping for the same for me) i have been alone since i got this virus and plan on being alone for quite some time, but i know, there will come a time, when i will have somebody in my life; as you will. chin up, hang in there; this a great place to be for support and advice.

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tothefuture Acknowledged Support Member

tothefuture

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I cant blame him I guess for feeling this way

Errr...yes you can. He won't even read about it. He's got the same as you for god's sake. Only his is oral - or is it? Maybe he has it genitally but has no symptoms?

Anyway, if he seriously thinks he can stay with you and have a mistress then he's a complete insensitive tosser. Don't stand for it. It'll keep you feeling bad about yourself.

You've done nothing wrong (unless you had an affair or something???) and he has no right to treat you like this.

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tothefuture Acknowledged Support Member

tothefuture

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And another thing - change your username. You've bought into the message he's giving you that you're unattractive. YOU ARE NOT. Change it to ATTRACTIVE. That could be your first step to getting YOU back again.

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annyi Established Member

annyi

Posted
Posted

I say, you educate him. Tell him you don't want a divorce neither a mistress, and you tell him you guys have the similar virus. It should not be an issue for your sex life. If he doesn't want to use a condom, just wash closely in the boxer area. Try to save the marriage for sake of your kid. If he is a good father, he will try.

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    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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