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Newbie-Have had herpes for 13 years but I'm only 25


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Unlike many of you who are newly diagnosed, I was told I had herpes 13 years ago at age 12. I remember some of it but not everything. I had a cold sore (who knows where I got that but that is common in kids), touched it, and used a tampon for the first time (which is extra hard). From all that touching it spread. I had a very bad outbreak from what I remember and was told by my mom. Dr. said it was herpes. Don't know if he did a culture or anything that was too long ago. In 13 years I have had less than 5 outbreaks and never as bad as the first. I can usually tell when one is coming and get medicine quickly. My last outbreak I believe was at least 3 years ago and at that time I had the flu so my immune system was weaker.

Medically as in outbreaks I don't really deal with it. It is the emotional part when telling a guy. The guy from my last relationship of 2 years had no problem with it at all. Since then two guys weren't accepting at first but eventually were willing to do more sexual things. The most recent guy, was the guy that out of all of them, I would want to accept it the most. He didn't and it has upset me a lot just because he was such a great guy compared to every other guy I have dated. Yeah I'm sure there is bad stuff about him cause nobody is perfect but I have yet to find that out.

I was a virgin till I was 23 and have only slept with one guy. I am always honest and tell the guy. Some of the people on here probably got herpes from sleeping around while others didn't. It sucks having to tell someone about it especially since I didn't get it from sexual activity.

I never had any tests done besides what they may have done when I was 12, which like I said I don't remember. Well since this last guy I have decided to have blood work done. I wanted to know what type I had because if I have type I that is also the type that many people have had since they were a child even if they are cold sore free. Then it isn't really an issue. I thought knowing may help in telling people as far as statistics, etc go.

Had blood drawn last Friday and got my results by phone yesterday. I know for sure the lady (not sure if it was a nurse, secretary or who and my dr is out of town till monday) told me I was .1 away from being negative. <0.9 is negative, 0.9-1.0 equivical, and >1.0 positive. It was suppose to be tested for type but the lady said it was tested for the presence of antibodies for either type. I thought the lady said my number was .1 but that would not be right for being equivical and close to negative so I bet she said 1.0. Since I know there are different tests, some more accurate then others, I stopped by the dr's office to get a copy of my results. Now I am even more confused!!

It says HSV I/II IgG Rflx I-II Type Sp (I am guessing that something like the type of test) Then it says HSV I/II IgG results <.9 so to me that looks like negative. When explaining negative, equivical, and positive it says that equivical may suggest early infection. Well I have had this for a LONG time so being tested too early before antibodies appear isn't an issue. So if I am negative maybe it is because I have had it so long? Does that mean less of a chance of passing it on? It would be much easier if my dr. was in town. A physician's assistant that I work with suggested getting it done again. Since no dr. I had to go somewhere else. I have been to this place twice before but it scares me everytime. I told them to make sure it is being tested for type and also the same thing as the other one to compare.

The dr told the nurse that she was only going to test for type II since it started at my mouth then I definatly have type I. I had to explain to the nurse that even if it was transfered to me cold sore to my mouth that it could be type II if the person got it from oral sex. I am the patient. Why am I having to tell the dr what to do and explain it? See why this place scares me.

That blood work was yesterday so I am hoping for results tomorrow if not probably Friday. I have an appt on Tuesday with my regular dr to go over everything.

I know this message has been very long and if you have gotten this far I thank you for reading it all. Does anyone have any suggestions or experience with the actual numbers, etc? Also when is best to tell a guy? I would sometimes tell before it got to oral sex. I have also told guys right away so that if they aren't accepting I dont have as many feelings and get hurt. The last guy was inbetween. I told him when I did cause I could tell I was getting stronger feelings and didnt want to get hurt more than I had to. My dad thinks I should wait longer so the guy develops more feelings for me and then maybe it wont be really an issue.

Thank you for any advice you can give me!

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When to Tell The Truth

I don't know if you have been consistently reading this site, but I have a response for you regarding when to tell:

The Dating Game

You are most likely worried about what to tell the next prospective lover. Whether you are male or female, it would do you good to consider being open and honest. Having high integrity pays off. Like attracts like kind.

Whenever you feel serious about someone you are dating, that perhaps this is long-term relationship, one that is nurturing and filled with future learned lessons, then you might consider talking about the affectionate nature of your relationship. First of all, if anyone gets touchy-feely within three weeks of a relationship, this person is in need of a morals and ethics class on relationships. How to break it to your “partner” is to ask about how they feel about your relationship. If the answer is strong and positive and provides you will comfort of sharing your “secret,” then go ahead and state, “I have herpes virus. You can only get herpes too if I have an outbreak. Other than that it is no threat.”

I know this is sooo difficult. I’ve been here. I have my share of rejections and acceptances alike. Here is something to smile at: if someone you spent weeks with is now rejecting you for having herpes, then this shallow person is not worth your while anyhow…so just let the person go with a big grin and say to yourself, “It’s a good thing this person is out of my life now!”

Best Wishes, I pray you will find the Love of Your Life.

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tests -

dont quote me on this..

but i think that tests only look for antibodies in the system - therefore if you havent had an outbreak for awhile you wont have many anitbodies ready in your bloodstream?

hence the low reading.

once u have it you have it for life - no cures.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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