A different kind of conflict

[starlang]

OK! Since I can't find anyone who will listen to me try to talk this out of my head and try to make sense of the situation, you guys are totally getting hit with it!! Not that I don't love and respect all my fellow...I wonder what a good term would be to place here, maybe awesome knowledgable people?... but I do just need to beg some advice off you!!

So the preface would go to the tune of I am very young (19) and pretty new to the dating and/or sex scene. Now I find myself with HSV and being a ridiculous optimist I am trying to deal with it in a positive way!

So about 3-4 months ago, right after easter, I started sleeping with this guy and everything was great! We kinda started out as sleeping together then moving onto something a bit more serious but neither of us were really willing to label it and all that jazz. I work under the theory of if it ain't broke, don't fix it, if you get what I mean! The twist is that he is a sailor and had to go out to sea (OMG that sounds sooo ridiculous when publicly admitted) for eight weeks. So after about 5 weeks of going from casual sex to spending a lot of time together, he has to leave! And being the people we are we didn't talk about it and we left it kinda open ended, just kinda like we will see whats going on in eight weeks. Oh, and as a side note, we were completely mongomous (sp?) which is kinda a big deal on my end.

So about three weeks after he left a friend of mine got back in town from being abroad for almost 6 months in England, and we hung a bit, nothing serious. Then at the end of June I moved and ended up in an area near this old friend, an area I knew nothing of. So we kinda bonded together over convience! Obviously I didn't know this friend as well I thought because he ended up giving me HSV and then tried to turn the tables on me saying how much a dirty whore I am and yada yada...

So I have pretty much gone through this whole dealing with having herpes while being berated by a boy who is obviously in denial and completely unable to deal with things which I feel makes it ten times harder.

Sooooo.... about a week after I started my first OB sailor boy gets back in to town... and he literally calls me the day he gets off the boat! Of course he was drunk off his rocker but he really wanted to see me and I pretty much blew him off because I really couldn't face having to tell him. Well now, about two weeks later, I am having a hard time keeping him off my mind and his random texts he leaves me sends me through the roof! I really want to call him and say "let's hang out" but I don't want to go all that way (like an hour) just to have the talk and get booted out, and no I couldn't avoid sex because A: he has been on a ship for the past two months and B:just based on our former encounters it would be assumed that there was sex involved.

Now I know I should think about that if he can't deal he isn't worth it, but I know that already! And I can totally still want him! He is fun and great, he has amazing potential and makes me happy, and when you get down to it the sex was amazing as well!! So the big question here, is do I call him and explain the situation or do I just let him fade into the distance?

I guess I see it as he is going to be pissed at this guy that he did this to me or he is going to be completely disgusted with me about having HSV. Its just hard for me because I don't find guys I want to hold onto very often and I don't want to let this one go... I mean besides for one guy a couple times I was celibate for two months because I wanted him (I guess for me that is a big deal)

Wow, super long post! If you read it, thank you!!!! Much appreciated!

[WaxedWrong]

it sounds like the sailor wants to be with you, so why not give it a chance... the worst thing your going to hear is i dont want to have sex any more. and you know that, you know what you might hear, but what if you hear something you didnt, like thats ok well work it out or something. but unless you go for it your just going to waste a oppurtunity that might be a good thing.

[ouch]

I would say just go for it, talk to the sailor boy (in person) explain all that has happened. Do so in a very honest, open and CALM fashion (no high drama or melodrama! ) See what he says. yeah, as mentioned, the worst thing that can happen is he says sorry, no nookie. Then, oh well. hopefully you can remain friends.

The guy who gave this to you was indeed no friend and very much in denial. What a cad! Unfortunately, he has probably spread this to others as well. Karma will bite him in the ass oneday.

Good luck to you. Hope all goes well with "sailor boy".

[benurising]

If you don't talk to him about it, then you answer the question for him. give him a chance. Do your research so you have numbers to present to him and let him make up his mind.

[starlang]

Thanks so much for the advise guys!! Yeah I know I need to call the sailor (yeah I totally refer to him as that!!) and I have deffinately done the research... Its just hard to put my feelings on the line like that! I have never been one to deal with my emotions and now adding this to the mix is absolutely terrifying.