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im not sure what to do


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i'm not sure how to start this really. I just found out today that me and my boyfriend both have herpes (genital). Even though my boyfriend and i are both confused were both doing okay i suppose. It kind of feels like our relationship is a lot stronger because were both going through it and we can both be there for each other. I just dont know how to tell people. I dont plan on telling people i dont trust of course, but people like our family, especially my mom. im so scared about that. I was wondering for some advice on that.


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Hey Ourlady,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. You're not alone. There are many with this virus and although it's a shock when you find out, it's something you can live with and be happy. This virus doesn't define who you are, it's just that, a virus.

I read you are worried about who to tell, I understand how you must feel. I will say this, you don't have to tell anyone that doesn't have to know except the person you are intimate with (already knows) or anyone you plan on being with in the future. It's really is no one else's business. I have a close friend who told her best friend, but she knew that she would never tell anyone else (which she hasn't). Good luck and come here often if you wish and you'll find a lot of support and compassion from everyone here.


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I have to agree with Mike. Although it's not something I'm ashamed of, for me, having the virus is a private thing. My partner knows, of course, but aside from him, is there anything to gain from telling anyone else? More importantly, will they benefit from knowing? Not that I can see.

Good luck to both of you. I'm glad you're able to support each other through this. It's always hard at first, but it gets easier. I promise.

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thank you guys. i know im not as freaked out about it as my boyfriend is but i really appreciate the support. we plan on telling only a few trusted people that we know wont judge us. When I meant that I had to tell my mom, it was because she is the one who is paying for my medication. I have a credit card for doctor visits and such but i havent informed her yet which is why im nervous. thanks again!

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    • scurrred
      I had an IGG test  and the ranges were out of range and high  HSV 1 was 42 and HSV 2 was 19 so I guess it was accurate but the problem now is I can't figure out when or who I got it from. In 2018 to 2019 when I was with my ex I was STD tested but not sure if herpes was included but my ex was supposed to get tested but refused. I experienced some trauma with him and didn't date until a year and a half later so I'm confused. The guy I dated after the ex who didn't want to be tested I told them a week ago about my results he was trying to be there for me and understanding,I told him to get tested but to request a herpes blood test , because he had no noticeable lesions or bumps ever is what he said and I never noticed any on him now he has shut down all his social media and I can't reach him. Hoping he's okay, I feel bad because in 2018 I did have what I was told it was an abrasion that tingled but at my doctor the day I was tested they told me it wasn't herpes but I think it was only a visible diagnosis. I keep having it reoccur from time to time 
    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
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    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
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