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About to lose it!!

1badnightmare

By 1badnightmare
in Newly Diagnosed

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1badnightmare Honeycomb Member

1badnightmare

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I was just diagnosed with HSV2 on Monday and have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. :cry: I contracted it from a guy I am seeing now (I guess) because I was with my ex-boyfriend for 3 1/2 years and never experienced anything like this. The new guy says he has never had any symptoms but is going to be checked on Monday. He seems a little too damn calm to me to hear that I have an uncurable STD and he could possibly have it also. That makes me wonder if he is lying to me about not knowing if he has it. I have been crying constantly all week and feel my depression which I suffered from 3-4 years ago is returning. I feel like my life is over. I don't really see a future with this guy but now what do I do? Who would want a future with me now? On the surface, I am a very attractive, intelligent, independent, financially stable individual.....but i have HSV2. Not a good selling point.

My first outbreak wasn't anything like I have read. I had maybe 3 small pimples that weren't grouped together and had no burning during urination. I didn't have fever, muscle pain, or swollen glands. That is why I really didn't go the doc right away after seeing the open lesion in my genital area. I thought it was from so rough sex I had the night before. The only symptom i had was pain in the thighs and buttocks. But now I still have some stinging in my vaginal area, even though I have completed the Valtrex therapy for recurrent outbreaks. No sores or blisters. Just stinging and it's driving me crazy!!! How long will this last? I know that my emotions may have a lot to do with my body getting back to normal, but it's hard to not stress over something like this, especially when it's all new to me. It's been about 1 month since the initial outbreak. Shouldn't things be back to normal? All I want is to feel normal again. Will I ever????

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TITANIC Honeycomb Member

TITANIC

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Yes you will feel normal again, you just have to get through the initial shock of it all.. after your head is clear you will feel this vibrant burst of " I am beautiful, I am the same person I was yesterday attitude" But it does take a few weeks to get to that point. I went through all of the same emotions, you will be surprised at how "unbig" of a deal it will seem to yourself and others as time goes on.

I am not making light of it as I have the same thing but I am still the same loving, caring, compasiionalte woman I ever was even more so now. You will now know when you are really loved instead of being just for sex. sex is great and wonderful with the right person and if they slight you for this they are not worth it and you are worthmore than that. Give yourself a big hug you are beautiful take care,titanic

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1badnightmare Honeycomb Member

1badnightmare

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Thanx

Thank you. It feels good to share this with someone who understands and won't judge. I a mclose to my mom and sis but can't get the nerve to tell them this. Everyone n my fam looks up to me so much, and I feel like a big ass failure right now. I will tell them one day (probably when I really feel like this is driving me seriously insane). I do believe this forum is going to be my lifesaver.

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jaemld Honeycomb Member

jaemld

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this forum WILL be your lifesaver. Its amazing to get it off your chest and read so many amazing people's story and how they cope with this. Its ok to feel out of control right now--- you will be better.... we are only human and sometimes things get thrown at us that we learn very great lessons from.

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jupiter Newbie

jupiter

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You are not alone! When I was first diagnosed (in Feb) all I could think about was 'I have a disease... who is going to want me now.' I would see people throughout the day and wonder if they had the virus too. I would constantly cry and think to myself 'how could this happen to me.' It was all that was on my mind.... but guess what? Those feelings stop --- you realize that you are the same person! You accept it and move on with your life as normal. You realize that you are still fabulous and the negative feelings go away! The beauty of it is, no one has to know (exept your partner/future partners) or if you trust someone and want to tell he/she. This forum is such a wonderful place to get your feelings out, you don't have to feel embarrassed, and everyone is so comforting and they make you feel better about yourself!

don't give up! -jupiter :cool:

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Christy C Established Member

Christy C

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A bit of light reading

Welcome aboard. let me send you to my webpage where I have a few articles which will help you perhaps come to terms with this. They range from dating to healthy eating to eliminate outbreaks. I hope they help you.

Christy

Ps you'll find my url below in my signature

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1badnightmare Honeycomb Member

1badnightmare

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I start another day

Thanx guys for the words of encouragement. Today is a new day and I start it with anxiety again. Feeling like a big knot is in my chest and it's beating hard, along with my head spinning with a million thoughts and emotions. I'm trying to calm down, but as mentioned, it will take some time. Again, thanx.

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    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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