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Need help telling new boyfriend :(

esperanza25

By esperanza25
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esperanza25 Honeycomb Member

esperanza25

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About 6 years ago, I was in a relationship and H came up and we both became "infected" I guess you can call it. Ever since then I have kept my mouth shut and havn't told anyone, except for my mother and his parents. But we have been broken up for a while and we went our seperate ways. I am in a new long distance relationship, but it will only be long distance till the end of the summer and then i will be moving back to where he lives. We iniciated everything over the phone, and I really think we are falling in love with eachother. I am also pretty sure, well hoping that he will understand when I tell him. I am so afraid to tell him. I have never had to tell anyone this ever! It brings me down a lot, like everyday. I just want to be clean and normal. I haven't had an OB in the longest time, sometimes I wonder if I even have it because I don't have any symptoms, but then I think too much and I think i give myself symptoms. I don't know. I'm planning to go to my doctor, get a blood test to know if it is 1 or 2 and to get as much info as possible. I just care about this guy so much and want things to work out and i feel guilty for not telling him. I don't know how Can you give me advice? Tell me how you told your boyfriends/girlfriends. I'd really appriciate it!!! Thank you sooo much!

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WTH Honeycomb Member

WTH

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I've been w/my guy for 10mths. I called him right away and he had LOTS of questions which I didn't know how to answer and it just made him get upset. We're still talking and I'm still reading whatever I can on H. So my suggestions is make sure your ready to answer questions about H and lots of them. Good luck hope everything goes well.

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d84 Honeycomb Member

d84

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Don't waste energy worrying...

That is the attitude that I have come to embrace. I know you can't help but wonder what this guy's reaction will be. It's a hard thing to deal with because I almost can't blame a guy for being afraid, but at the same time if someone really cares about you I don't think it should be a huge issue. I just told the new guy I'm dating....we have only been on a couple of dates but he asked me and I had to tell the truth. It went so well....before I even answered him he said, "whatever it is it won't change the way i feel about you". He was amazing. So just be prepared to answer his questions and if he doesn't have any questions then tell him the facts and let him have the time he needs to think it over. If you two are planning to get serious then it's only fair that he knows the truth before you get there.

This is a website that I like to use statistics from about asymptomatic sheddding, which seems to be the biggest issue in between outbreaks:

http://www.herpes.org.uk/faq.html#18

Don't worry about it...there's nothing you can do about the way people initially react. But the more you stay calm and approach him in a way that says, "I respect you enough to be honest and I want you to know everything about me"...the better he will respond. Good Luck!! I bet things will turn out fine for you. Keep us posted...

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d84 Honeycomb Member

d84

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Also...

The longer you go without symptoms the less likely you are to spread it. From what I have read, you only shed active virus cells less than 5% of the time and that diminishes the longer you've had it and the less you have outbreaks. That would be a good statistic to share with him...it's all on the link I posted. So there's only a minimal chance of spreading it to him.

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valgore07 Newbie

valgore07

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I only found out that i had H A few days ago and i didnt know how my g/f would react. I thought she would leave me but she is very supportive. So my advise to you is to tell him if he runs then he isnt worth it but just let him know that u havent had symptoms for a long time and the chance of you getting the sighns again is quite slim just be hones hope this helps:)

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esperanza25 Honeycomb Member

esperanza25

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Thank you!

Thank you guys so much for the advice. I made an appointment with my doctor to get more facts and such and in about 3 weeks I will be heading back to school where he is. So in this 3 weeks I will study up and get prepared to have the "talk". I tell ya, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and i'm so scared to do it, but everything happens for a reason and if he doesn't accept me, then I deserve someone who does. :)

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