So Lost...

[JustDiagnosed]

I'm not sure what to do...all I do is cry...right now im crying...I found out I had Herpes type 2 this past Monday and Im devasted. I recently turned 21 and did go a little crazy... I have Herpes type 1...I was born with it...but this ....i cant take! I have always struggled with cold sores, but I had it under control with Lysine...now I feel like my life is over. Who will want me now? I wouldnt even want me...this sucks! I hate life now...I dont know what to do. I was in love with this guy but we werent 'together' so I was messing with other people and someone else gave this to me, so I had to tell the one I loved and he wont talk to me anymore. Im devasted from my diagnosis and from losing him! I dont know what to do... I keep going through phases...first im sad, then mad, then i have a lil hope n try to make myself happy but then i just end up crying again! Not being alone doesnt help how i feel cuz i feel alone! How do I date in the future? How do I approach it...I cant just stop living n dating Im to young...yet do I fall in love then break the news n be devasted that they are disgusted by it and leave me...or just tell people up front n still get turned down! Lose -lose situation it seems! Help!

[MsLucy]

Well, honey, no need to feel alone, because we've all been in the place you're at now, and we're here to tell you, it passes. And there are so many people with exactly the same condition you have, I doubt you could spit in any direction and not hit someone with herpes. There's no reason to feel disgusting. It's a virus. Nothing more.

First of all, stop beating yourself up. What's done is done, and neither tears nor remorse will change it. You can't change the past, but the future is up to you to make it what you will. Yes, you'll have to make concessions to this new twist in your life, but it in no way determines who you are or what you can do. All the things you wanted to do or be, and all the dreams you aspired to, are still right there in front of you, waiting. Go after them.

Losing the one you love hurts, I know. But it's possible that he turned away, not because you have herpes, but because he was disappointed that you were unfaithful, even though you weren't 'together' at the time. Maybe you can't change his mind, but you can learn from the experience. And if his sole reason for leaving you is because you got herpes, then, as hard as it is for you to see right now, you're better off. There will be someone who loves you as you are, the whole you, not just the good parts, and that's what real love is. We're all imperfect. We all have flaws and baggage that we carry with us. But really loving someone allows us to see past all that to the real beauty inside, and there's someone waiting to see the beauty inside you, and love you for the reasons that matter.

Having herpes forces us to regard sex in a different way than maybe we did before. It can no longer be a casual thing, and it shouldn't be. It's the ultimate sharing of self, and should be treated as such, with respect and yes... even awe. Such a magnificent gift we've been given, to be able to give and receive so much pleasure from one another, shouldn't be tossed about like a party favor. And having herpes won't mean you can't still enjoy sex as an important part of your relationship, but you'll need to be responsible, and tell the person, and take the necessary precautions to prevent spreading it.

Right now, you're going through the rough stage of acceptance. It's something that everyone goes through at first, but I promise you, it will pass, and you'll learn to deal with this new intruder in your life. It gets easier, and pretty soon, it will become just a part of your life. You say you've gotten cold sores all your life, well, this is really just a cold sore somewhere else. Your life's not over, not by a long shot. At 21, it's just beginning. What you do with it is entirely up to you. So stop crying and go look at yourself in the mirror. What you'll see is the same face, the same eyes, the same you that you always saw reflected before. The only changes in you are inside. Hopefully, you've learned an important lesson, and now you're more mature, more responsible, and more in control of your life that you were before. It's a big step, but you can do this. And if you need to talk, vent, or ask questions, we're always here.

[JustDiagnosed]

Thank you for that response. It really helped. Its still hard and last night I couldnt stop crying but I know this will pass.

[elena]

I felt the exact same way you do now.

Try to calm down and take one day at a time. You have come to the right place for support and answers. You will learn to accept herpes into your life and decide who you will share this information with. You will learn to take care of yourself, to help control your outbreaks. Eventually, you will help others deal with herpes.

Herpes is spreading so fast. The latest stats are that 1 in 4 people have it. So you are not alone. Herpes is not the end all, you just have to manage your life around it.

Feel free to ask ay questions and come to this website as often as you can.