The talk, with a twist

[RainbowBrite]

I was infected a 3 months ago with HSV-2. It's been difficult coming to terms with everything, but I feel like I am on the right path and haven't had an outbreak since my initial one (which was really quite mild according to my doctor, even though I found it to be excruciatingly painful at times).

Here's where I need some advice.

How do I bring this up with the partner who infected me?

Background:

We were together for awhile and the relationship was great. A little over 3 months ago, he moved far away and we haven't seen each other since a few days before I got my first visual symptoms (had noticed tingling a few days before he left, but didn't think it was anything at the time). We have been talking, but recently things have gotten harder with the distance and I feel like it's a true possibility we may never speak or see one another again face-to-face. Side note: I do think some of the difficulties we've been facing are a direct effect of me dealing with this on my own (like others I haven't been able to tell anyone in my life for fear of rejection and the overwhelming shame I sometimes feel when I think about it) and the stress I have put on myself about it.

I kept telling myself I would talk to him when we together again. I just feel like this is too personal of an issue to talk about over the phone. However, now that it's gotten to the point that we may not see each other for awhile, if ever, I feel like I need to tell him and the phone is the only option.

I don't want to make him feel like I'm attacking him or blaming him for anything. In fact, perhaps my biggest worry is that he may not even know he has HSV-2 since I never noticed anything. I know this isn't the worst thing that could happen to me in my life and that I will figure out a regime that works for me to keep myself OB free, but if I can help him not pass it on to someone else unknowingly, I would feel a little more at peace.

My question is, does anyone have advice on how I should broach the topic? Anything I should stay clear of or things I should say? I don't have a clue on how I should start.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

[JP123]

Rainbow,

I think you should have contacted him much sooner! Don't wait, trying to be diplomatic or to choose the right words!

Just this week (I'm a newbie) I had the difficulty of trying to contact the woman from whom I'm pretty sure I contacted it over email, as she lives in a foreign country. I basically said that I have something serious to bring up with her, I described the symptoms I experienced after our encounters, and my diagnosis. I reassured her that I wasn't mad at all, just looking out for her health and that of her future partners. I also said that there's a chance it might not be her, but that she should get tested immediately. I offered my friendship to her and words of comfort should she test +. We traded emails multiple times during the day as she headed off to her doctor's appt.

So far, she's tested negative and she is very grateful that I discussed it with her and now she vows to be more careful in her choices. We are still good friends and she even volunteered that she might still be open to a relationship with me should we get the chance. I think that's amazing.

Don't wait!

I hope this helps!