Jump to content

The talk, with a twist


Recommended Posts

I was infected a 3 months ago with HSV-2. It's been difficult coming to terms with everything, but I feel like I am on the right path and haven't had an outbreak since my initial one (which was really quite mild according to my doctor, even though I found it to be excruciatingly painful at times).

Here's where I need some advice.

How do I bring this up with the partner who infected me?


We were together for awhile and the relationship was great. A little over 3 months ago, he moved far away and we haven't seen each other since a few days before I got my first visual symptoms (had noticed tingling a few days before he left, but didn't think it was anything at the time). We have been talking, but recently things have gotten harder with the distance and I feel like it's a true possibility we may never speak or see one another again face-to-face. Side note: I do think some of the difficulties we've been facing are a direct effect of me dealing with this on my own (like others I haven't been able to tell anyone in my life for fear of rejection and the overwhelming shame I sometimes feel when I think about it) and the stress I have put on myself about it.

I kept telling myself I would talk to him when we together again. I just feel like this is too personal of an issue to talk about over the phone. However, now that it's gotten to the point that we may not see each other for awhile, if ever, I feel like I need to tell him and the phone is the only option.

I don't want to make him feel like I'm attacking him or blaming him for anything. In fact, perhaps my biggest worry is that he may not even know he has HSV-2 since I never noticed anything. I know this isn't the worst thing that could happen to me in my life and that I will figure out a regime that works for me to keep myself OB free, but if I can help him not pass it on to someone else unknowingly, I would feel a little more at peace.

My question is, does anyone have advice on how I should broach the topic? Anything I should stay clear of or things I should say? I don't have a clue on how I should start.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I think you should have contacted him much sooner! Don't wait, trying to be diplomatic or to choose the right words!

Just this week (I'm a newbie) I had the difficulty of trying to contact the woman from whom I'm pretty sure I contacted it over email, as she lives in a foreign country. I basically said that I have something serious to bring up with her, I described the symptoms I experienced after our encounters, and my diagnosis. I reassured her that I wasn't mad at all, just looking out for her health and that of her future partners. I also said that there's a chance it might not be her, but that she should get tested immediately. I offered my friendship to her and words of comfort should she test +. We traded emails multiple times during the day as she headed off to her doctor's appt.

So far, she's tested negative and she is very grateful that I discussed it with her and now she vows to be more careful in her choices. We are still good friends and she even volunteered that she might still be open to a relationship with me should we get the chance. I think that's amazing.

Don't wait!

I hope this helps!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Posts

    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.