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my bf wont see me... help!

Mlee

By Mlee
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Mlee Newbie

Mlee

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Ok first off, I'm new here and there's one thing in particular that I need to have advice about.

A couple months ago I started a relationship with this great guy and things have been great ever since. It was a long distance relationship until recently. Shortly after he moved here we had sexual relations (2 different times). I have never had noticeable symptoms, but my in my previous relationship I found out that my ex was cheating on me, and I began to worry about my health. What if I had something that may one day keep me from having kids? What if I had HIV?

Well, I wish that I would have decided that it was important for me to get tested before I did anything with my current boyfriend. Last week, I went and got tested and came out positive for something that is curable, but I am still waiting for the results of my "H" test. Even though it was very hard for me, I told my bf and he went to get tested (they told him it doesnt seem like he has anything but gave him meds just in case). Now he tells me that he loves me and hes not going anywhere and that'll we'll get through this, but he's mad and won't see me at all because i didnt decide to take care of this until after we had sex. I'm scared because what if my results are positive and he realizes that its even worse than he thought???? I never noticed any symptoms but since I got tested, I've been really paranoid and finding tiny bumps around there. I'm scared, and I dont know how to handle everything... any advice?

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Strong Established Member

Strong

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Darling, if he is lacking compassion and understanding, than you are stressing yourself for nothing. If anything look at this as how he will react to future issues. Just my opinion.

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thiscantbe Established Member

thiscantbe

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I don't think it's safe to assume people have been tested for STDs unless you ask. Did your BF ever ask you if you have been tested? IMO you both have to take some responsibility. Yeah, you should have gotten tests especially if you had suspicions that your ex was cheating, and yeah, your new BF should have asked you first before having sex with you.

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Mlee Newbie

Mlee

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that is true... he never did ask. but at the same time, i feel responsible in a way i feel like he put trust in me... he's coming around, but tomorrow I get the results to my H test and am just scared of how that will work out.

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always searching Honeycomb Member

always searching

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How do you know HE didn't give you the thing you tested postive for? Unless he had actual confirmation that he doesn't have anything.

You did the responsible thing in getting tested. Maybe not in a timely manner but at least you did go & get tested.

Unless he is a virgin, how can he down you for that? If he hadn't gotten tested before you were together then I'd say you are on even ground as far as that goes.

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Mlee Newbie

Mlee

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well he was in the army before he moved back here and says that when he was doing his whole clearing process he got tested and everything came back negative. neither one of us asked if the other had been tested though so i didnt even know that he had gotten tested until after i got tested. he told me the other night that he wasnt being fair to me by the way he was acting, but the results still havent come back yet so we'll see how everything truly works out.

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It's.no.biggie! Honeycomb Member

It's.no.biggie!

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That's all great advice. Just a side note: now is not the time to be scrutinizing your health, such as constantly checking for bumps. You've been to the doctor, let them tell you what's up. Trust me, self-diagnosing all over the place is only going to freak you out more. I've been in that paranoid state as well (feeling for lymph nodes, checking my tongue, examining myself forever), and it wont help your situation. Also, ignore sites like WebMD, etc., until you've gotten your results.

Good luck!

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Caliope Platinum Support Member

Caliope

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You could be tested every month of your life and have negative results but all it takes is one event to be infected for the rest of your life.

I have a difficult time with folks who get tested maybe once a year but have multiple partners during that time. I'm not talking about all at once but isn't it possible that someone could get tested have negative results be in a relationship and not get tested before they hook up again? Not unlike what you described.

Unless the guy never has sexual contact at all between tests and every partner he has does the same thing then how can anyone be so sure of their status? Heck so many people don't consider oral sex to be sex and it is a big factor in transmitting hsv.

We all need to ask better and more complete questions before jumping in.

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Mlee Newbie

Mlee

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well.. i still havent gotten my results. when i called they told me to call in another week for the H results. I didnt, I got scared. i know i need to face the truth whether its good or bad, but im so freaked. i think i just found a blister... im scared. i honestly get sick to my stomach thinking about it.

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      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
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