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Scared to tell...


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I've been seeing this guy for a while. We were kind of dating, and then over the summer, just hang out every once in a while. I like him a lot and I really hope he likes me. Honestly, we hook up a lot, but we've never had sex because i found out I was infected with HSV2 about a half year ago.

Since I've been infected (I'm pretty sure I know who gave it to me... and I'm so pissed), I'm terrified to have sex. I haven't been able to get intimate with anyone. I don't know what to do, because I don't know how to tell anyone. I've told two people. My roommate and one of my good friends (I wish I had told no one... because my roommate brings it up often whenever I talk about guys).

Well... I really want to be in a relationship with this guy. I feel like he may want that, especially after this past weekend, but I'm terrified to tell him that I have HSV2. I cry a lot because I just know he's not going to want anything to do with me after I tell him and I don't know if I can handle that...

He says things periodically directly about herpes. Like the other night he was remarking about this girl, and how he would never let her near him because he "doesn't want the herp." It makes me even more nervous and uncomfortable and terrified to tell him.

Advice? Help?

I feel so isolated.

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I'd say you've got your opener there. Bring up his position on herp and tell him the facts. See how he takes them. If he maintains that no way he's never gonna do something sexual with someone with the herp - ask him what if it were someone he liked. Make up a scenario, a friend of your you know met a guy, he thought the same way you did, she explained it to him and wow, what do you know he was able to see beyond that. See how he takes it. If you're so brave you can even say in a very fak voice 'what if I were the one with herpes?' Then you'll know for sure. Play it safe though, if he is not open minded he is not th"e kind of guy you'll want holding your secret. If you want it to remain one that is....

Only my opinion


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I know exactly how you feel click. I have been with my man for a long time and in that time we werent always faithful to each other.One of my trysts landed me with this.I was scared to death to tell him because I know how he is about things like this.Anyways I told him and I was crying and the whole nine. But he said he wouldnt leave me because of it.I explained it to him with all my knowledge that I gained via internet.He thought it was like HIV.I had to correct him on that real quick though.He ask me about it from time to time.He wants to know if I have any problems with it.My advice to you is that IF and WHEN you tell him to PLEASE be STRONG.Because if you act all hysterical that will only freak him out more.And please be prepared to give him the facts too.There are alot of myths going around about HSV that are just not true. Good luck

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I have told this several times in this forums... when I tell someone I am dating.... I make a quiz of it... I play the would you date game... I include a lot of strange questions... would you date someone that had been arrested... would you date someone who was arrested for spousal abuse... would you date someone who is a recovering addict... would you date someone who lost custody of their children... would you date someone who was sick... would you date someone who had a treatable std... would you date someone with a lifetime std....

It is interesting how many men would date a woman who has been arrested... or lost a custody battle... but depending on the reaction it will determine if I consider HIM to be dateable...

when I do tell... I have the same basic story as most... I dated someone... cared about him... had sex with him... and in the end got herpes... I call it my parting gift... then I ask him what he knows about it... and when the last time he got tested was... and if he was tested for herpes.... I explain that I would understand if he wasn't interested because of that...

I have been blessed... even the men that have said they wouldn't date someone with and STD have.... for some reason....when they know who you are... they aren't afraid of it... I always tell on one of the first dates too... I don't want to get hooked on someone who wouldn't be with me.... plus I am open over all about it.... I hate the stigma attached to it... so I figure the only way to break that is to show that I am not a stereotype...

good luck to you....

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That was simple beautiful Unbelievable. I think the image one protrays of living with herpes is what others by into or not. So if you come accross as 'oh yes there's that you should know about bu it's not a big deal' and you are the living embodiment of that well they'll buy it. I just love the twenty questions..... would have never thought about it myself.


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Bottom line on all of this to me is... self acceptance... I have chosen to be ok... and thus expect that others who love or care about me will be as well... and if they are... well that is on them...

thanks guys... :D

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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