::sigh:: OK

[changedforever]

I WILL BE OKAY...... right?

Hi, I'm 21years old and last friday found out I have genital herpes. The day before I went to get tested my boyfriend and I looked up some stuff on the internet and both realized I probably had genital herpes but were confused because he said he hadn't ever shown symptons and i knew i hadn't. Then we read on.... and we always knew how std's are transmitted and everything and we both knew there were two types of herpes but neither of us connected that i could get it through oral sex. Like we knew and everything - just never connected it (HUGE smack to the forehead and "duh how could we be so dumb!?!?!?" was both of our reactions)

Yesterday I found out its HSV-1. My doctor left a message saying "you'll be happy with the results" (butterflies in my stomach) "its the better of the two" (there's a better?!?). I called and told my mother right when I got in my car, even before any tests had come back. I'm so happy I did. She went on the computer right away and started researching information and found these boards for me and even drove 3 hours saturday morning to take care of me and be with me and what not and then drive 3 hours back home sunday night. We read up on any information we could find. She helped show me how I'm going to have to change my diet and to remind me to take my medicines and just to talk to and keep my mind off of it at times too.

Well now she is gone and I couldn't feel more alone. I know my life isn't over but I feel different. (I just sat here for about five minutes wondering what else do i say..??). I cried to sleep last night because it was the first night I didn't have any medicine to help me sleep and therefore my mind wondered. Yes my boyfriend and I are still together but what if it doesn't work? will i ever be close to anyone again? whos not going to go running? who else would want to sleep with me? am i going to want to sleep with someone again b/c right now i'm thinking not so much because i'm scared i'm going to give i to them - even with condoms.. just so many thoughts and feel like nobody really gets it. i'm hoping i can meet some friends here who can understand what i mean when i feel "different" and can't explain it. my roommate, mom, boyfriend, & best friend say i'm not that different but i can't explain it. i can't help but feel like my future relationship chances are cut in half. and yeah "its a test for future people, see if they actually love me" but you know what, i'd rather not have that test at my disposal.

I don't know. I'm rambling now and I can see it. I know I will be ok and i know life isn't over and i know i might never have another breakout again (first ones the worst one right..? GOD i hope so) but i just.... i feel changed and don't know how else to describe it or what else to say... sorry for being so repetitive

[Brucie]

Well thank goodness somebody didn't kiss you when you were a wee girl under 12. It is your age that makes you feel different I think. If you'd always had this then you wouldn't feel so odd I suppose? If it were me I'd probably feel the same way. Different.

On the positive side you can say you're going to be able to cope, but it will take time to learn how. Once you've learned all about it you can relax and know you're in company with many who have this too. Most people do! At least that is my understanding of the stats of this virus. You're in the majority there. So, I'm hoping this will help you feel a little less different. You're really not! It will pass. It's only a feeling. Give yourself room and time to heal. I'm learning to do that too.

Here's to good company!!

[quietpendulum]

You Will Be Ok...

Well now she is gone and I couldn't feel more alone. I know my life isn't over but I feel different. (I just sat here for about five minutes wondering what else do i say..??). I cried to sleep last night because it was the first night I didn't have any medicine to help me sleep and therefore my mind wondered. Yes my boyfriend and I are still together but what if it doesn't work? will i ever be close to anyone again? whos not going to go running? who else would want to sleep with me? am i going to want to sleep with someone again b/c right now i'm thinking not so much because i'm scared i'm going to give i to them - even with condoms.. just so many thoughts and feel like nobody really gets it. i'm hoping i can meet some friends here who can understand what i mean when i feel "different" and can't explain it. my roommate, mom, boyfriend, & best friend say i'm not that different but i can't explain it. i can't help but feel like my future relationship chances are cut in half. and yeah "its a test for future people, see if they actually love me" but you know what, i'd rather not have that test at my disposal.

I don't know. I'm rambling now and I can see it. I know I will be ok and i know life isn't over and i know i might never have another breakout again (first ones the worst one right..? GOD i hope so) but i just.... i feel changed and don't know how else to describe it or what else to say... sorry for being so repetitive

I'm in your boat...just 1 year older. I was diagnosed a week ago and everything that you're feeling, I'm going through as well. The lonliness, the sleeplessness, the questions about your future relationships, the tests of if someone is going to stay around after you tell them, etc. It's funny (not haha funny) that you say you feel different because I haven't felt the same since I found out but I haven't found out how to describe how I feel and you said it for me - DIFFERENT. It's like I've been thinking of things differently, looking at my relationships (intimate, friendship and family) differently, looking at my future differently, EVERYTHING...just DIFFERENT. When I was first diagnosed, I took a vow of celibacy to myself and honestly, (not that I was a sexual beast or anything) I haven't even had a desire to have sex. It could be the medication or just the realization that my sex life will forever be changed by this or a combination of things. I know who I am but I'm just seeing myself in a different light. I feel the need to be more cautious about EVERYTHING. Not just relationships but the way that I interact, my hygienes (not that I have been dirty before contracting HSV), my eating and sleeping habits, etc. I envy the fact that you are close enough to your mother to have told her immediately and have her come to your rescue. My mother and I haven't spoken in about two years and haven't had a real relationship in about 6 years. I've never missed her being in my life and even though I don't miss HER right now, I guess I do miss having a maternal figure to turn to and help me through this.

I am not or should I say I WASN'T a friendly person before this disease. Not that I was mean but I just kept a small circle for trusting purposes but I tell you, I want to be surrounded by friends now. I don't like the idea of dealing with this alone so I understand how you feel. I'll be your friend. Feel free to send me a message if you want to take me up on my friendship offer. Maybe we can help each other through this...

I promise you that it gets a little easier. A week later, it's a little easier for me. Not saying that it's EASY but just easier. It still hits me like brand new everytime I think about this new reality but I suppose that one day for each of us, it will just become a small part of who we are and we'll learn to live with it without it breaking us down completely.

Also, rambling is OK...

[MsLucy]

I understand what you mean when you say 'different'. I'm more than twice as old as you are, but I suppose the reaction is the same, no matter your age. I was diagnosed a couple months ago, and although I think I've adjusted pretty well, and have come to accept things as they are, it does make you feel different, because your life changes in subtle little ways to accomodate this new piece of baggage you're carrying around now. You're not traveling as light as you did before. Herpes adds weight to your life.

I never took pills, but now I take 3 a day (vitamin and 2 Neem leaf capsules for my immune system). Sex was a spontaneous thing. Now it's dependent on obs. I shrugged off aches and pains and never got headaches, but I get them now when I have an ob. Herpes is a complication in your life... not the end of it, certainly not enough to ruin it, but a complication nonetheless.

It does take some time to grow accustomed to the changes, but you will, and the feeling of being different will subside. Until then, you can expect the emotional roller coaster ride to continue for a while. As for the fears that no one will want you, or that your sex life will cease to exist, in time you'll realize that's just not true. But for now, try to calm your mind and give yourself some time to adjust and take care of the immediate needs, like learning to take care of you. The rest... relationships, sex, and all the other little issues that may come up, can be dealt with in time. Don't try to take it all on at once. It's too stressful and can be overwhelming. Get comfortable inside yourself before you try to take on the world. It will all work out. Promise.

Good luck to you, and to you too, pendulum.

[hastened one]

Hi Changed forever, You will be okay, I was diagnosed Friday as having genital herpes and I plan to get rid of it forever by ordering this treatment and using it. If you order and use Dynamiclear and use it you will see a dramatic difference and you will be rid of this infection forever! Good-Luck!

[quietpendulum]

Hi Changed forever, You will be okay, I was diagnosed Friday as having genital herpes and I plan to get rid of it forever by ordering this treatment and using it. If you order and use Dynamiclear and use it you will see a dramatic difference and you will be rid of this infection forever! Good-Luck!

Just curious...if you were just diagnosed and just ordered this Dynamiclear, how do you know that it will rid you of the infection forever??? I haven't heard of any solution like this so I'm just wondering how you know. Thanks!