Confused, Angry, Sad, and everything else!

[nygirl16]

Hi! I just got back from the doctor and thought I'd find a place where I can share with people who'd understand me. I had a one night stand with a guy about 1 week ago. We used a condom and I felt fine. But I started feeling very painful during intercourse with this guy that I've been dating (different guy. Long story). I just chalked it up to being very dry or the sex was kind of rough, therefore giving me some chafing. But two days passed and it was getting worse, plus I had a brown discharge. So, I looked myself and it was just red. I never noticed any lesions or blisters or anything like that. Again, I thought that it would get better. This morning I woke up in such excruciating pain that I could barely even walk. I finally went to the gynecologist and she told me that by looking at it and listening to my symptoms, she would bet her license that I have herpes. So, she gave me Acyclovir, but it hasn't worked yet. I have some questions of course:

1) How long does it usually take for the medicine to work for your first outbreak?

2) Is this what your symptoms are like? Do you think it may be something else? Could the sex just have aggravated it?

3) Does anyone know of any support groups in New York? My mother thinks that I may need some counseling as I have been crying nonstop since the diagnosis and I pretty much don't know what to do. It's sad, but I'm only 23 and I feel as though this is the end of my life.

Thanks so much guys!

[HC-Support-Team]

NY Support

Hi nygirl16,

Welcome to our forum, I hope you find a good source of support here.

If you are looking for a a local Herpes Support Group try this link: http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/support/herpes_us.htm

Hope this helps

Shenda

[quietpendulum]

It could possibly be herpes. What other visible symptoms have you had aside from discharge and redness? Where is your pain? Are you experiencing pain when urinating?

Be weary of the redness that you see because even if you don't have BLISTERS, you could still be experiencing an OB. I had my first outbreak start last Monday and I only saw redness. I was expecting HUGE VERY DISTINGUISHIBLE blisters but I never got them. Just redness, burning when urinating and what appeared to be little barely noticeable slits ( maybe 4 total) within my labia. The visible symptoms are not always really bad for some people. Some people get it very bad and others just get mild redness or something similar. I started taking Acyclovir last Monday and I stopped feeling pain when urinating by Saturday morning I'd say. Here's some advice - if it's painful to use the restroom, pour warm water over your vagina as you're urinating. It helps.

As for your second question - could be the symptoms or it could just be irritation from rough sex. However, rough sex can be a trigger to an OB so my advice would be to have your doctor test you directly for HSV.

I don't know of any support groups in NYC. I started counseling last Wednesday at my school and was almost going to go for anti-depressants but even just a week later, I'm finding it a little easier to cope.

By the way, I'm 22 so I know how you feel as far as your life being over b/c I thought the same thing. I still do at some points in my day but then I remind myself of the fact that it's just a small annoying stupid disease that's now apart of my life. I hate it but it's something that I (and hopefully you don't have it so you won't have to) live with.

I'll be part of your support group - I'm in north NJ if you really need someone...

[nygirl16]

Thanks so much for your support, quietpendulum. My mom keeps reminding me that there are so many others out there like me and I think that this site and your post has helped as well.

I'm not experiencing pain when urinating. I've had UTI's before and it's definitely not like that. It's basically just when it hits the effected area, it stings like hell. The pain is on my uvula on both sides. The left side hurts a great deal more than the right. My pain today was about a 10. I cried on the way to the gyno.

The gyno took a test, but I don't go back for my checkup for 10 days. I don't know how long herpes tests usually take to come back, so I don't know if I'll have results by then. She just told me that she thinks it's herpes after examining me and listening to my symptoms. I think I'm in denial because I keep hoping that she's wrong...although in my heart I know that she's not.

I'm really glad that someone my age can understand what I'm going through. I half expected someone to write that it's my fault for having a stupid one night stand because that's how I feel. My mother keeps telling me not to blame myself and that everyone makes mistakes, but it's hard. So far she's been an incredible support system, more than I could have ever imagined and I'm even happier that I found this site and people like you.

[quietpendulum]

I have to keep reminding myself of that too - that this disease is actually common. It's just ashame that the stigma surrounding it makes us feel like we're social lepars. OK so yes - the pain when urinating is caused by the urine touching the infected area. That is a symptom of herpes. Isn't it awful that the physical pain is about a 10 but for me, the emotional pain has been immeasurable. I guess it's because I know that the physical pain will eventually fade (and come back at times) but the emotional trauma will probably hit me for the rest of my life. Hey - it's OK to cry. Cry to your hearts content because it's release and it does help.

Your test will definitely be back in 10 days and I know about the denial stage - before I got my official results, I looked online typing into my search engine "herpes like infections" and other phrases that would give me some false hope of it not being herpes but something that had similar symptoms. But like you said - in your heart, you really know and I knew too.

It's NOT your fault. As with any STD, it only takes you to have sex with ONE person to get it. STD's don't work like heyyyy, you slept with lots of people so now I'm here. You don't have to be promiscuous to get a STD. Any STD can be contracted from just one encounter and that doesn't make you stupid - that makes you HUMAN. The only way to prevent the possibility of contracting an STD is to NEVER have sex because as we know, STD's like this one can be transmitted WITH the use of condoms. I take this entire experience and look at it as an opportunity for me to educate my unborn children about the risks that you take when being intimate because I never had anyone tell me that "hey, you can protect yourself but you still run the risk..." and maybe if I was told, I wouldn't have been so ignorant to the possibility of contracting a disease like this one.

I know it's hard. It may get harder before it gets easier but you have support - someone your age that understands.

[SmilingThroughTheRain]

Your not alone. Herpes is becoming a very common std. Its hard to believe that we arent educated on the virus more then what we usually are in school. Hehehe I think I am one of the younger forum members, I am 21 but got genital herpes when I was 20. If you ever need to talk about it there are people here who wont judge you. We understand what your going through and we are here to help each other through this. The thing that bugs me the most is that when you go to the doctor to get tested for STD's you dont realize that doctors dont test for herpes. All these years I thought I was being careful. I always got tested before being with someone. I just had a good friend of mine go to her doctor and ask to be tested for std's including type 2 herpes. When she went to get her results they hadnt tested her for it and almost refused to when she got upset. This is turning into an epidemic. A forum member once quoted that in the past year, the number of cases has increased by 9% worldwide. Thats a lot of people. Its possible that they arent new cases, just people finding out they have had this virus for awhile but that is still a scary number to consider. Major corporations and governments are going to continue sweeping this issue under the carpet until the number of people with Herpes is going to reach such enormous proportions that it will slap them in the face. Its just too bad that in the meantime they could be putting money towards research or even educating young people because there are so many people that are going to get this virus that could have been saved. wow too much writing. Anyways I know its scary but be positive and stay focused and you will be fine For me its as simple as saying "hi, my name is Alyssa, and I have genital herpes, but I wont let it ruin my life". Take Care

[ducky406]

I'm just healing up right now from my first OB and I thought I would share a tip with you. I found that if I took some wet toilet paper and held it on the sores when I peed the pain was barely there. Good luck....advil and oatmeal baths helped too!

[nygirl16]

Thanks, ducky406. I have been taking TONS of Tylenol. It is helping with the pain a bit. I just wish that my acyclovir would hurry up too! Haha. I also keep hoping that the first OB is the worst because this is absolute torture.

I can't imagine taking a bath because I'm afraid of the stinging, but if you say that an oatmeal bath will help, I'm willing to try. At this point, I'd do almost anything for the pain to stop. When I pee, I just squat and lean forward so that it doesn't hit the sores. I don't know if this is good or bad. Thanks so much for your input!!

[justagirl]

Hey,

I know how you're feeling, since I just found out I have herpes on Monday.

It was quite scary when I learned several years ago that my gyno's blood tests and such didn't look for herpes. Once she told me that I had her put a large note on my chart that from that point out I wanted the extra blood work done to see if I had it. And I continually showed up clean... until after the last guy I dated.

I'm feeling pretty outcast from the idea of youth dating right now, I'm only 21. Regardless of what a few close friends have said, I don't know anyone my own age with herpes (or at least not anyone that's admitted it). I've spent the past few days crying but I'm starting to think my tear ducts are all out of juice today.

I hope you feel better, and whatever your results are that you've found people to talk to about it without feeling judged for it. I know that's about where I'm at right now.

[Malibu]

Now what?

I'm in a similar position, I just found out today that my worst fears were true. I do indeed have herpes. and besides the pain, which sucks, the emotional stuff is worse. I broke up with my wonderful boyfriend of two years about 2 months ago because I felt suffocated, I'm 20 and havn't dated anyone else since highschool and he's older and ready to settle down, i wasn't. So I started seeing this new guy who is also older but was fun and made me laugh and it wasn't too serious but we were having sex and truthfully it was great, it seemed like what I needed. Then I got sick, other things not related to herpes, but I started to notice what i thought was a yeast infection from my antibiotics, only it didn't go away. So now I find out that I left the love of my life cause i wasnt ready yet only to sleep with a guy i knew wasnt going to be long term and now I've got herpes. As I said, I'm 20 years old and no matter how many people say its no big deal and lots of people have it, it doesnt matter, i still feel like the only leper in my colony. I feel dirty and ashamed. i feel like the life that i had, that was so bright and sparkly and possible, isn't anymore, maybe im melodramatic, but it feels like the worst. I'd love to know how the rest of you get through it? How dating works? How you stop thinking about it. I start councelling next week, which seems to be what everyone does. I also told my ex, who is furious, disgusted, and still loves me, i dont know which of those is the worst. i feel sick to my stomach and i want to crawl out of my skin. the worst part is i still havnt told new guy, i guess he finds out when he gets home from work. joy, wont that be a fun convo. i guess I'll say hang in there to the rest of you, but im hoping someone can also throw me a line, cause i feel pretty lost.

Malibu

[nygirl16]

Hey Malibu,

I don't think that you're melodramatic at all. I feel the same way at times. I look at pictures that I took just last week and cry because just a week ago, I didn't know how much my life would change and I looked so happy. Don't feel bad. I got it the same way. I broke up with my ex and I was with a guy...just once...one night...one time...one minute (literally) AND we used a condom. But I got it anyway.

I honestly don't think that I will be dating for quite a long time. I don't even think I'll have sex again until I have a ring on my finger because a) I'm too scared that I'll give it to someone. I couldn't live with myself. I had my first outbreak while I was in the middle of sex. Apparently that's what triggers it for me. Sucks. I'm gonna be too scared to even venture that far again.

But on the bright side of things, my family has been supportive and my friends. After a little less than a week, I'm not crying as much anymore. I can actually get out of bed and walk sometimes. Sometimes I don't even need to take my motrin. It gets better...and I'm starting to see that. I may never be who I was before again, but isn't that the purpose of these things? To learn from them? It definitely taught me to look at life in a different way. I'm not sure I would WANT to be who I was before...

Good luck and much love

[starphyse]

Live learn and love and move on

You guys and girls are very brave alot of people are totally hysterical and that makes the ob's ten times worse. Herpes will stop you from sleeping around with partner to partner but it never stops you from getting married having children and a normal life and in a few years most of you prolly won't even have ob's anymore with a little patence faith and healthy dieting.

I don't have the virus at all yet but very soon I will be explosing myself to it even know my gf hasn't had a outbreak I still pose a decent 45% chance of getting it even if she baths washs before. I love her and I will take that chance I will give oral and intercourse sex and if I get it then I just get over my first ob and move from there.

I will continue to dedicate my time to posting on this forums if anyone ever wants to talk im always on yahoo aol and msn. Support is importiant to build your esteem back up and the calmer you are the better your ob's heal. So lots of love to all of you and big hugs and flowers for the ladys and hmm crap what can I give the guys.. well handshakes I guess lol.

[Malibu]

3 days and counting...

Thank you NYgirl16, you're support really means a lot to me. I told my ex on friday when I found out and hes been amazingly supportive, which of course kills me. I told the guy who gave it to me last night, which was incredably hard, he had no idea. At least I hope he had no idea, he's going to get tested tomorrow. He was horrified, hes older than me and has had a lot of experiances, I on the other hand am 20 and he was supposed to be the begining of me getting back into the dating world. Guess that's shot to hell. I'm talking to my ex about getting back together and he's willing to work on our relationship. The ironic thing is that, even if I'm not really ready for the level of seriousness that our relationship is, I do love him. I love him and I would rather be with someone I love and who loves me then some guy I don't care about who doesnt know and who may not support me.

Other than relationships I'm learning more about this whole thing and how its going to affect my life. It still hurts, this whole OB thing is no fun. Explaining the pain to my boyfriend was hard, he didnt understand. I'm a really high stress person, so controlling my stress and anxiety will be hard. I'm starting yoga, cause its one of the things that a couple websites recomended. I still can't believe all of this, its so hard to wrap my brain around. god, one stupid time. One stupid drunken fourth of July that I'm going to pay for with the rest of my life. I guess we'll see how all of this goes. I just still can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than a few hours. I have no interest in getting out of bed or seeing people or being social. and the guyy who gave it to me has spent every minute since I told him drinking himself silly at the bar. My ex as well has started drinking again to cope and I cant manage to get through the day without smoking weed to calm down. Does it get better? is getting out of bed and looking people in the eye going to get any easier? Do I start living again at some point?

[starphyse]

Thank you NYgirl16, you're support really means a lot to me. I told my ex on friday when I found out and hes been amazingly supportive, which of course kills me. I told the guy who gave it to me last night, which was incredably hard, he had no idea. At least I hope he had no idea, he's going to get tested tomorrow. He was horrified, hes older than me and has had a lot of experiances, I on the other hand am 20 and he was supposed to be the begining of me getting back into the dating world. Guess that's shot to hell. I'm talking to my ex about getting back together and he's willing to work on our relationship. The ironic thing is that, even if I'm not really ready for the level of seriousness that our relationship is, I do love him. I love him and I would rather be with someone I love and who loves me then some guy I don't care about who doesnt know and who may not support me.

Other than relationships I'm learning more about this whole thing and how its going to affect my life. It still hurts, this whole OB thing is no fun. Explaining the pain to my boyfriend was hard, he didnt understand. I'm a really high stress person, so controlling my stress and anxiety will be hard. I'm starting yoga, cause its one of the things that a couple websites recomended. I still can't believe all of this, its so hard to wrap my brain around. god, one stupid time. One stupid drunken fourth of July that I'm going to pay for with the rest of my life. I guess we'll see how all of this goes. I just still can't seem to keep my eyes open for more than a few hours. I have no interest in getting out of bed or seeing people or being social. and the guyy who gave it to me has spent every minute since I told him drinking himself silly at the bar. My ex as well has started drinking again to cope and I cant manage to get through the day without smoking weed to calm down. Does it get better? is getting out of bed and looking people in the eye going to get any easier? Do I start living again at some point?

Getting herpes don't mean you stop living for alot of people its like starting over again and puts things in a different perspective and after a while almost all people with herpes are completely fine and live normal lives. Suppressive therpy helps but I have noticed a few people that seem fine without it just relying on the plain good old immune system.