Couldn't Happen to me

[adifferentview]

The last four months of my life had made major irrevocable alterations in my life. A few months back I stopped drinking from a 3 year binge which was ruining my life and all of my relationships both at home and in business. This was nothing new to me as I had done this cycle of getting clean before. As I looked back on the damage that had been created on my life I found there were things that I would have to answer for. Things were good and I was going to make serious healthy changes in my life. My outlook was the best that is has been in more than 3 years. I also knew that I could fix but one thing at a time. But nothing would prepare me for what lay ahead.

My marriage of 8 years was dissolving. We had all kinds of problems and realized that we did not even really know each other. Is it possible to live together for almost a decade and have it be a charade? Yes, I think so – I know so. I had fallen out of love with her, more like I fell out of love with my perception of her. I decided that divorce proceedings were in order so I told her of my choice. And she was devestated. We went through all of the stages, hurt, anger, disbelief, and acceptance. We decided to dissolve on amicable terms. We also agreed that it maybe fiscally responsible on my part to use the other bedroom in our house while I was getting things in order. I decided to leave for a few days as my being at the house was only making matters worse. I do not disagree with her actions of aggression in this - she has every right to be pissed, I just did not want to be on the receiving end of it as it was detrimental to getting things done that we agreed on.

This is where things took a twist.

I met this woman through some long time friends during the time I was away from home I knew of her before but did not know her really. We began to spend lots of time together doing the typical things. Hikes, coffee, meals, dates, watch the sunset and all those goofy things, etc. Anyway, we hit it off well. For the first time in many years I felt great about myself. I felt great when I was with her. I tried to remain open and put all the goods and bads on the table with her. No surprises, she has been warned that I am not easy to live with. As a matter of fact I am a bit impossible and impetuous according to my wife. I did not sit and talk badly of my wife as some guys would. You know the “She just does not understand me”. I know these positive feelings are typical of a new relationship when things are new and we are on our best behavior to impress and I am probably a pig for rushing into another relationship if even in pseudo when things had not been finished with the other. My guess is that this is more common than the propagation of the HSV.

We all make mistakes, but I figured all of this info is relative as it lays out a real situation that I have endured so far. Over the course of the next two weeks this new relationship culminated into a sexual relationship. One that I was not sorry for happening. It had been such along time since I had felt good about me and we fit in so many ways that had nothing to do with being naked. It seemed we complimented each other in so many ways it was meant to happen. I will not go down the road of how this can be a self made delusion because I know it and am sure you do also. It is amazing what we tell ourselves.

I do remember meeting with a friend (during my new relationship) who looks to me for advice (maybe he should look other places now), talking about relationships in general, his lack of, and the overall accuracy of the statement - “When THAT gets hard, the brain goes soft”. I know this to be true as true can be as I am no undereducated man; I frequently score in the 200-210 range on IQ tests. We talked about how badly we had done in the past in relationships and what we could do to fix things in future relationships so this does not happen again. We laughed and had even talked about the concentration of people who have herpes in the US at this time. Not sure why my brain was on this statistic but it was. A jeep with several young ladies he knew went by and they waved and smiled at us as they passed, I said to him there is a 25% chance that one of them has herpes and does not even know it. This really rocked him back and gave him pause but as you see this statistic did not stop me.

I continued my “loose” relationship with this new woman. I would occasionally stay overnight at the new GF's. I was still staying in the house with my wife and interacting with her at some levels so we could facilitate all of the things that must be done including making things ready for auction and finalizing house repairs so it can be sold. Eventually our history won out and we ended up back in the bed teeter-totter together again. At the time this did not seem like a real big deal, even though I knew it was not right. I figured it was going to be a week before I would get to see my new GF again so I figured I would make the best of the time to slow down as our relationship was moving a bit too fast for anyone’s pace. We both had a mess to clean up from our past that had to do with ex's. We had no expectations of each others conduct during this time.

When I woke the next day I knew something was wrong. No symptoms, just something was terribly wrong. My back was killing me, I thought to if I had ramed into something while working and not noticed it because it felt like my lower back should have a bruise because it was so tender. I flip on the TV to see the Valtrex commercial running. I said “That better not be the fact or I will be pissed”. For reference this disease does not care what pisses you off, who you are, or how smart you are. I swear that day the commercial ran about 50 times in less than an 8 hour time span. Yes I keep the TV running for noise while I work on other things.

I took a break from my work and went to use the bathroom. Much to my horror I spotted two very small blisters. They looked more like small pimples. I looked online and did not see any herpes break out pictures that looked like mine so I figured it was just me freaking out. Calm down and get back to work.

Over the course of the next two days these turned into full blown lesions and added yet another lesion in a different location to the arsenal. These are painful like 2nd degree burns. I knew the time to panic had long since passed. I spoke with my GF and my wife about this. My wife was beginning to show some symptoms including internal burning, lower back pain, and the list goes on. At this point I thought to the guys who snap off the deep end and go shoot their whole family and then themselves. I always figured it was one thing to shoot yourself; it is totally another to make that decision for another person. This only added to the self loathing, self hate, pain, and guilt. God I always HATED these guys. I decided to get tested and my wife to get tested as well. I went to get tested and the Dr. was pretty sure that I had HSV as I showed all the clinical physical symptoms. He did the normal array of procedures to collect what he needed for a proper test. When he said he wanted to swab, I was like O ok….I figured swab was soft. As I watched I realized that swab had a two pronged fork tip and before I could respond it was done. The pain was so intense I thought I was going to bite my tongue off. After that was done he saw my wife in the same visit and determined while she was showing some symptoms she was not showing a typical outbreak so no assumptions could be made about her condition at this time. Right now we are waiting for the blood tests from all parties to come back. I know on my part what it is without any level of doubt. I keep hoping that my wife’s results will come back as just a bad reminder not to do that again. Right now I would assume this is HSV-2 but can not confirm until the results come back.

At this point the guilt is..well followed in despair. I know I will not die from this, so for that I am lucky. But this does change things in my life and in my wife’s life as I intend to continue my relationship with the new GF. I also know that all I have to do is focus on the out break and it will most certainly become worse. Right now I am willing to do just about anything to make the pain stop as it has become the focus of my brain. If people told me of some crazy Voodoo Witchdoctor remedy with proven results I would be willing to try it right now.

Still angry here, because in my days of wild drug using (no needles TY), drinking, and promiscuity before I met my wife I managed to come out clean and until now have never had any type of STD outside of a goofy yeast infection that was easily remedied. I can only say that I am somewhere between acceptance and devastation. I can not begin to understand the feelings my wife has had due to all of this. I am surprised she has not awoke me with a frying pan beating yet. I try not to go down that road too much as I have already sat and test fitted the gun in my mouth a few times while thinking alone about this whole ordeal. I know this act would fix nothing and still leaves the facts when I would be gone. For right now I will try to move on with my life and keep the gun far away.

The long and short:

I was getting a divorce (my choice)

I had sex with another woman

I contracted genital herpes and showed no symptoms YET

I passed it onto my wife without knowing

Now we all show symptoms

And I still intend on continuing my relationship with new GF

I guess when I put it that way I am a real piece of work. Hell of a legacy to leave behind.

I have been started on anti-viral meds and have gone about using as many holistic things as I can find. For reference Tea tree oil burns like hell! I would smear manure on it if I thought it would do any good right now. Waiting for the test results and then the pain to go away.

[MsLucy]

Welcome to the human race, my friend. Just imagine if we could see the consequences of our actions before we went diving in and made a complete catasrophe of everything. Our lives would be neat and orderly... and also completely devoid of spontaneity, impetuousness, and all the other messy, lovely things that make us joyously human and keep us humble.

As ugly as it gets sometimes, there are times when hindsight is the only sight we're capable of, so stop beating yourself up. Yeah, you screwed up, but there was nothing malicious in your intent. Lack of judgement (well, okay, maybe temporary stupidity would fit here) is not the same as malice, and is therefore forgiveable. We all suffer with it from time to time, usually with horrendous results. Been there myself, many times.

In spite of this tempest you seem to have created for yourself and everyone else involved, you sound like a decent, intelligent guy who just wanted to get his life in order. It's too bad about your marriage, but I understand what you mean about falling out of love with your perception of someone. Sadly, it happens, and at least, to your credit, you didn't try to carry on with the illusion. That would have been unfair to your wife, as well as to you. Best to move on and start over. It's a painful process, and I'm sure you didn't do it lightly.

I wish I could say don't worry it will be okay, but we both know you have a long road ahead of you before it's okay. Even so, I'm betting on you to make it, and come out of this a wiser (and happier) man for it. Try to be supportive of your wife, especially if her test comes back positive. She'll need it, because it will almost certainly affect her profoundly, especially given the circumstances. If you think she's angry now, you ain't seen nothin' yet, friend.

I know you're feeling like you've screwed everything up for everyone, and I'm not making light of your situation. I feel for you. But like I said, you didn't set out to hurt anyone. It's like the person who causes a bad car accident. That person didn't leave the house that morning thinking, I think I'll go out and ruin someone's life today. But shit happens. Car accidents happen, train wrecks happen, divorces happen, and herpes happens. We'd prevent all of them if we could, but we can't see into the future, so usually we're left to just clean up the mess, and move on. And you will move on. Like I said, I'm betting on you.

By the way, I've had one of those swabs myself. Pitchfork would be a more accurate description. And as for the painful ob, it will clear up, too. The first is usually the worst, as you probably have read. Supplements to boost your immune system might help prevent or lessen the severity of future ob's. I don't take the prescription meds, but I do take 2 Neem leaf extract capsules daily with a multivitamin, and it works pretty well for me. Everyone's different, though. I was diagnosed a couple of months ago.

Keep your head up. You're in a tough spot, but this, too, shall pass. If you need someone to talk to, you can Pri Msg me if you like. Let us know how you're doing, okay?

[anonymous42]

Man...

Yeah, I may have contracted HSV2 from a girl I was seeing...

It almost feels like my life is ending... This just sucks, I suppose I will have to find someone else with HSV2.

I have tried Tea Tree Oil, Garlic, Astragalus, and Self Heal (i hope it is self heal aka Prunella Vulgaris) If anyone knows where to find Prunella Vulgaris for cheap, please let me know.

I knee jerk ordered DMSO, then i read all the bullshit that goes with it; it seems like DMSO can seriously damage/injure a person...

(I am not going to use it)

Well, I guess that is enough of my rambling.

Sincerely,

Disheartened

[adifferentview]

Well things are better but confusing............

My blood test came up negative for all. Culture-pitchfork was positive for HSV-2.

Wifes test = Positive HSV-1, Negative HSV-2, Never had a true outbreak yet to date.

At this point the Doc can only speculate that is it possible that she is postive for 2.

Still fighting out break. It went away for a bit and then, blamo- all over again. twice this month!!!

My health is good aside from smoking. I am using tea tree oil topically. Frequently dump some in the bath water. I am eating right, no drinking alcohol, no other drug use, drinking kombachu tea daily and still having minor out breaks.

Dont know what to do as I can not afford the valtrex, nor do I qualify for the assitence program to get it at a discount.

[MsLucy]

You probably will be troubled by obs for a while, until your body can build up some defense against the virus. It takes time. Be patient.

As for the Valtrex, wish I could send you mine. My dr gave me a 30 day supply of free samples when I was diagnosed in April and I haven't taken one yet. I feel like I'm sitting on a gold mine!

Have you tried Lysine, or any supplements like that? I was taking Neem leaf capsules when I was getting a lot of obs and it helped a lot, I think. I don't get them much anymore, anyway.

I'm glad your life is getting back to some sort of normalcy. The less stress you have to deal with, the better.

[adifferentview]

That which does not kill me can only make me stronger. My life has blown itself all to hell and back. The girlfriend took a hike. I can tell you that piece was not that good. Still working on not wishing her bad and visualizing her on fire.

1. My new found girl friend took a hike for her exhubby.

2. My Biz blew up in my face to the point that I must close it and regroup - crimpling my income.

3. Key suppliers for my biz ran off with my money and products.

4. Got my first traffic ticket in better than 1,000,000 miles to the tune of 3 points and $165 - still fighting that.

5. I have a customer who took the product and used it for a month and now wants to return and has promised legal action

6. Legal action being taken against me on about 3 fronts related to my biz.

7. Got herpes - naturally isnt that why I am here.

8. Find out when I went to purchase a new gun that my gun rights were pulled for a previous bit of legal B.S. - something that should have never disqualified me. Screw Brady and the dumb gun laws named after him.

9. Got a bill from the ahole doc for over $1000 for the testing. Duh, stupid I could have told him what the results were going to be.

10. Wife's car was totalled in recent wreck when we were traveling to a friends for dinner.

And this was all in a 3 month time span. I think it is time to take a break.

The bright side is that I am back with my wife. She has yet to show any type of typical symptoms? We decided to start over just one more time and have serious expectations on our relationship. We are going to give it our best shot. AFter 3 months of the papers sitting on the table without a pen stroke on them we figured neither wanted teh divorce so we would try again. Besides, she would not relinquish control of the fancy coffee pot.

[baffled]

Still angry here, because in my days of wild drug using (no needles TY), drinking, and promiscuity before I met my wife I managed to come out clean and until now have never had any type of STD outside of a goofy yeast infection that was easily remedied.

That's what I thought, too, until three weeks ago. During the late 70s and early 80s I had unprotected sex with mulitple partners. I thought I had dodged a bullet. But a recent test (I did it twice to make sure) has proven I have HSV-2. Since I have been celibate for two and a half years, and my two prior longterm partners do not have HSV-2, I have no doubt I contracted it years ago. So far, I have had no symptoms. I've accepted, however, that could change, and that I may at some point have an outbreak.

I guess what I'm saying is: you seem to be beating yourself up for your recent actions. Don't. One of the worst things about an HSV-2 diagnosis is that it raises more questions than it answers, and figuring out when you got it, and from whom, is ultimately not important (at least not in cases like yours and mine, folks who have behaved riskily in the past and so could have been exposed numerous times).

What's important is taking care of yourself and the people around you, not HSV-2. Nothing important changes. That is what I've learned from this.

[justagirl]

Adifferentview-

I don't know if you're located in the US or not... you mentioned not being able to afford Valtrex and not qualifying for the assistance program to receive it. If you do live near a Wal*Mart (and your doc agrees) you can get a precription of Acylovair filled for $4 a month. No health insurance necessary. Just in case your doctor decides to prescribe you something for frequent outbreaks.