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Scared and ashamed

hastened one

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Hi, I am new here, I am in W.Tenn. and am 48. I moved here about 9yrs. ago along with my parents, my Mother is from W.Tenn. I found out Friday that I was diagnosed for real with genital herepes. I am in the process of trying to establish a normal relationship with a noraml guy recently and I'm hoping to be rid of this infection before it comes to us having intimate relations. I got scared after I found out I have it because there is no cure for herpes and I have been depressed about it ever since and have been figuring about whether or not to tell him right now. Please Help!!!!!!

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Tell him. It may not be easy, but you can't have an honest relationship if you're not honest, and for you to knowingly put him at risk without his knowledge would be unforgiveable. Trust me, better he finds out now than after it's too late.

You may be rid of the ob before you become intimate, but the herpes virus is forever, at least until they come up with a cure, so in any intimate relationship you have, it will have to be dealt with. That doesn't mean you can't have sex, but it does mean you have to be responsible about it, and make the other person aware.

There are some great posts on this site about telling your prospective partner. Read some of them, educate yourself on the virus itself and ways to prevent passing it on, and you'll be better prepared for the discussion. Also, if you're depressed and having trouble adjusting, which is normal at first, it might be wise to just take it easy for awhile and give yourself a chance to level out. Once you're more comfortable with it, you'll be better able to communicate what you really want to say without all these unsettled emotions about it getting in the way. If the relationship is sound, postponing intimacy for a little while won't hurt. Something to consider.

Good luck, and if you have questions or just need to talk, we're always here, and we've all been (or are) where you are now. There's nothing to be scared of, and nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't get it til I was in my 50's, and it still threw me for a loop. It does get easier, though. I promise.

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Still Worried!

Thank You writercll, for those words of encouragement, since I have gotten older, thru the years I have found that my outbreaks have come less often and not as severe. I have not been on any medications, does this mean that soon I will have no more outbreaks and be finally rid of this disastrous virus and not be able to spread it to anyone else? Please give me some glimmer of hope!!!!!!

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hello there @momma267 and welcome. There is no reason to believe that what you have there is other than a pressure sore, something that has emerged from rubbing with clothing or butt cheeks and exacerbated by bacteria or yeast.  Note that the first you’d learn of herpes is unlikely to be on your butt, instead where it enters your body, this is usually within the vaginal lips for females.
    • momma267
      So to begin with, I am 26 and have been with the same partner for 8 years. I have only been with three people ever, one completely protected and the other we were both our firsts. I got this rash on my but while pregnant and my doctor said she was testing for it and I'm so confused. I've had two babies, breastfeed, and never had anything as much as a cold sore. Does this look like something anyone has experienced? I used fragrant soap down there and am hoping it's contact dermatitis or a heat rash from sweating and gaining so much weight.  Advice would be helpful. I'm stressing out a bit as I am pregnant. Blister https://picallow.com/blister/  
    • harrygauff
      @WilsoInAus could you kindly have a look :) also how long does it typically take for herpes blisters to develop into sores
    • harrygauff
      Hi, it is me again, apologies for the recent influx of posts. I've noticed a slightly raised area on the middle of my top lip with what i feel are some bumps. i do have a habit of biting my lips a fair bit and this area is frequented by my teeth. I haven't noticed any unusual/abnormal tingling or burning or pain sensations. the photos are a bit difficult to focus on them but do these seem like the start of cold sores? note: I will be visiting the drs for an std checkup in the coming week. https://imgur.com/gallery/YLVA5us
    • WilsoInAus
      To give everyone confidence that it wasn’t herpes related and conclude as the doctor did that it was a dermatitis issue to refer back to the dermatologist to continue with investigations.
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