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niviola

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niviola Newbie

niviola

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How can I explain how herpes has affected my life? It has in so many ways that I didn't even realize until now. I guess writing it down means confronting and excepting it, which I really hadn't done before.

I first got this virus 2 years ago while I was dating a much older man. Against my better judgement I slept with him. I guess none of us think that it will actually happen to us until it finally does. Anyways, after contracting it, my life completely changed. I haven't dated anyone in two years. I used the excuse that I had to focus on important things like school and work instead of relationships with guys. Unconsiously I knew the true answer.

Now that I finally finished with school and have nothing else to distract myself I have to face my demons. How do I even go about dating someone knowing that I have this and knowing that I would have to tell him eventually? I can't even begin to comprehend how. I do know though that I don't want to be alone and bitter forever. How did you all deal with it and how did it affect your romantic relationships?

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JP123 Honeycomb Member

JP123

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I recently finished a multi-year monogomous relationship and soon after protected sex with my first new partner last week, I am experiencing my initial break out. Been to the doctor and meds seem to be helping, but I also have fears of how to re-enter the dating scene in the future. I asked a similar question to your's on a different forum minutes ago.

The most helpful thing I've read recently was the story of someone who finally worked up the courage to tell a new partner and then the partner revealed that they we're trying to work up the same courage! Someone else said dating within this community was a great start because it helped them to regain their confidence and self-esteem. But I'm not sure how you find other exposed people - we don't exactly have our own Happy Hour at the local pub!!

:-)

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Unbelievable Established Member

Unbelievable

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Kinda funny how life goes on... and how we learn to date... and love... and release the worry... I have been dating the same guy for a while now... and tonight I asked him about how the herpes I have affects him... and he looked at me funny... like I was crazy... since we hadn't really talked about it since I told him when we first started dating... I had a moment of panic... like what if he forgot that convo... anyway... he hadn't... and he said that he doesn't think about it really anymore.. he knows we do everything we can to prevent him getting it... condoms... showers immediately... antibacterial soap... him taking lysine, vitamin C, etc... everything I have read on prevention... we do... he said... first it was scary and all he thought about... but he knew that shouldn't be a barrier in us being together... I asked him if he would hate me if he got it.... and he said that he would be lying if he said he wouldn't be upset to get it... but he wouldn't be mad at me because I TOLD HIM I HAD IT UP FRONT.... to me... that is the key as well... and my openness about it was what made him ok with it...

Moral of the story.... life goes on... and it is just one of the dating dramas... doesn't make dating or love easier or harder... but it does make me more open about sex and making sure he is tested first....

and hey JP.... I am in SoCal... when is happy hour.. :D

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Unbelievable Established Member

Unbelievable

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So there IS an H-Only Happy Hour!!?? I thought it was just an urban legend! :D Just name the time & place!

LOL.. we are capable of making anything happen... it is all a matter of geography.... as So Cal is a big area....

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starphyse Established Member

starphyse

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How can I explain how herpes has affected my life? It has in so many ways that I didn't even realize until now. I guess writing it down means confronting and excepting it, which I really hadn't done before.

I first got this virus 2 years ago while I was dating a much older man. Against my better judgement I slept with him. I guess none of us think that it will actually happen to us until it finally does. Anyways, after contracting it, my life completely changed. I haven't dated anyone in two years. I used the excuse that I had to focus on important things like school and work instead of relationships with guys. Unconsiously I knew the true answer.

Now that I finally finished with school and have nothing else to distract myself I have to face my demons. How do I even go about dating someone knowing that I have this and knowing that I would have to tell him eventually? I can't even begin to comprehend how. I do know though that I don't want to be alone and bitter forever. How did you all deal with it and how did it affect your romantic relationships?

Well don't worry about sex at first if your partner seems to be overwhelmed with getting in your pants kinda brush it off and if they are persistant "Like me" LOL then you have to tell them if they care then they will understand just make sure your explain it though about how 1 in 4 people have herpes its very common most people that have it don't even know they have it. Its harmless in nature in most cases and after a few years you barely notice you have it. Catch is its spreadable very easily. Key is to explain what it is people are highly scared by std's especially since they have nasty ones like aids and syph etc out there. Herpies is harmless compared to most std's just so happens to be one of the most contaigoius.

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niviola Newbie

niviola

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Thank you all for all your great advice! It feels really good to talk about this. Unfortunately I live in NM so I cant hang out with you all for Happy Hour!

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starphyse Established Member

starphyse

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Kinda funny how life goes on... and how we learn to date... and love... and release the worry... I have been dating the same guy for a while now... and tonight I asked him about how the herpes I have affects him... and he looked at me funny... like I was crazy... since we hadn't really talked about it since I told him when we first started dating... I had a moment of panic... like what if he forgot that convo... anyway... he hadn't... and he said that he doesn't think about it really anymore.. he knows we do everything we can to prevent him getting it... condoms... showers immediately... antibacterial soap... him taking lysine, vitamin C, etc... everything I have read on prevention... we do... he said... first it was scary and all he thought about... but he knew that shouldn't be a barrier in us being together... I asked him if he would hate me if he got it.... and he said that he would be lying if he said he wouldn't be upset to get it... but he wouldn't be mad at me because I TOLD HIM I HAD IT UP FRONT.... to me... that is the key as well... and my openness about it was what made him ok with it...

Moral of the story.... life goes on... and it is just one of the dating dramas... doesn't make dating or love easier or harder... but it does make me more open about sex and making sure he is tested first....

and hey JP.... I am in SoCal... when is happy hour.. :D

Wow thats the first I have heard about a partner taking lysine... hmm I sense a incoming private message coming in.

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london boy Newbie

london boy

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Hi !

I would love to meet you also...

I'm quite convince I have caught Herpes and I'm looking at what to do to protect the one I love and who live with me.

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kurious Established Member

kurious

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I would love to meet you also...

I'm quite convince I have caught Herpes and I'm looking at what to do to protect the one I love and who live with me.

You need to get tested to be sure you have HSV first.Then you need to find out what type and where it is located at too.Then you can determine what type of suppressive therapy is best for you.I see you are in the UK and I have chatted with a few people from the UK and they all say that they get there meds for free at the GUM clinic.I wish we had a GUM clinic over here that gave out free meds.

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starphyse Established Member

starphyse

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You need to get tested to be sure you have HSV first.Then you need to find out what type and where it is located at too.Then you can determine what type of suppressive therapy is best for you.I see you are in the UK and I have chatted with a few people from the UK and they all say that they get there meds for free at the GUM clinic.I wish we had a GUM clinic over here that gave out free meds.

You don't have any free clinics there?

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russ222 Honeycomb Member

russ222

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I suggest that when you tell someone make sure you educate them on ALL of the facts you know including the ones they may not know...like "cold-sores...being "good", genital...being "bad". Alot of people do not understand these things...it is all the same virus... it will help everyone currently dealing with the virus:) Dating is not as hard if you are honest and open...I know after I knew I had it, the first partner I pursued did not care. Now this may not be the case for everyone, but if they are freaked out and dont want to continue you know that person was not after you for the right reasons. Taking precautions..and informing the person are the first steps to developing lasting relationships.

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awake67 Honeycomb Member

awake67

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Don't Panic

Here is a short version of what I posted previously about entering the dating game:

Whenever you feel serious about someone you are dating, that perhaps this is long-term relationship, one that is nurturing and filled with future learned lessons, then you might consider talking about the affectionate nature of your relationship. First of all, if anyone gets touchy-feely within three weeks of a relationship, this person is in need of a morals and ethics class on relationships. How to break it to your “partner” is to ask about how they feel about your relationship. If the answer is strong and positive and provides you will comfort of sharing your “secret,” then go ahead and state, “I have herpes virus. You can only get herpes too if I have an outbreak. Other than that it is no threat.”

I’ve been here. I have my share of rejections. Here is something to smile at: if someone you spent weeks with is now rejecting you for having herpes, then this shallow person is not worth your while anyhow…so just let the person go with a big grin and say to yourself, “It’s a good thing this person is out of my life now!”

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roseydawg Newbie

roseydawg

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I just joined and in reading your message I think I can relate a whole lot. I pass off on questions about guys from relatives and friends by telling them I'm not really looking for anyone. I'm just enjoying myselft, but not really. I mean I have a great time when I go out, but I'm not having that other kind of fun anymore. I always think about how to meet people and what it would be like. I just can't get over the fact that almost every other person out there sees this with a huge stigma.

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SNGLMOM Newbie

SNGLMOM

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I am right there with you roseydawg. Only I use my children as my crutch. I tell people that I don't have time for a man in my life with the all the activities going on with my children.

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niviola Newbie

niviola

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Wow. You guys are so great! Ya, you can only deny your emotions for so long. I have been avoiding romantic relationships for 2 years and I am really getting lonely now. I know exactly how you guys feel. For a long time I thought that maybe I was crazy or that I was punishing myself by staying away from guys. It feels so good to know that I’m not the only one that has dealt with this problem in this same way. At the same time, because of all your advice, I am starting not to see herpes as such a serious thing! :)

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