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hereandnow

So close to just letting go...help.

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hereandnow

I'm really nearing the end of my rope. I don't know what to do anymore. I've never felt this bad in my life, this completely and utterly depressed. I am talking to everyone, seeing the Dr, therapist, acupuncture, resting, eating healthy, getting chiro, stopped sugar, caffeine, yes ALL caffeine. 4 months now since first OB GHSV2, 3 months since first oral HSV2. I had a period of misdiagnoses until finally 3rd Dr took a swab, I autoinnoculated in between not knowing the risks...

My body feels like a prison. The dr says I just have canker sores, but I know in my heart and gut what's really going on. My mouth feels like I have razor blades in it. Vicodin doesn't work, gargling peroxide doesn't workI've had canker sores, this is not it. New ulcers popping up the last THREE WEEKS. Craziest part is, everywhere else is nice and calm/normal now. The dr's just make this sound like a stupid rash, and it's like hell. I have moments of time where I get some relief, mostly when I am dreaming. Then I wake up 10 times a night and have reality come crashing back down. People are starting to ask what's wrong with me, why am I so drawn pale and skinny. I'm trying to eat calories and fat, whenever I can. I'm not skipping meals. I'm not going on a bachelor party next month because if I drink and don't sleep it explodes. I've never been this scared in my life, and I feel like I can't keep on like this. I can feel myself starting to push my giver away, the sweetest woman ever, because I can't imagine a "normal" life anymore. I know I resent her on some level, even though this can happen to anyone at any time. She didn't know. I could deal with this "down there", I've done that. But I can't even kiss, share a drink, I'm terrified to shake hands with people. I hate god, the universe, whatever for letting this happen to me. I hate everyone else who doesn't know what I am going thru. Even my dogs are depressed. They just lie around with me while I cry. I had everything going for me, even after I got divorced last year. Did so much work on myself. Now it brings tears when I try to smile or talk. God please help me.

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VVK

I'm willing to bet a lot on your symptoms not being the result of HSV but something else you're doing with nutrition, meds, supplements or a combination. Do you have any special dietary routine or something that you do that's unusual? When did the mouth sores start?

Did you know that alcoholic beverages usually contain a lot of sugar?

Are you able to take a vacation to somewhere warm and sunny for a week or two? Somewhere that you can spend some time sunbathing and feeding.

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Acesheart

Hey hereandnow, welcome. I have ghsv 2 and I've been divorced. My husband is negative for the virus. We also have a daughter. I felt as bad/sad as you describe, but I learned over these past 27 years how much I've gained since I got herps. I divorced my giver. I remarried, had a child and built a wonderful life for myself, something I never imagined when I was having my 4 month long genital & anus outbreak.

I wish I had a magic pill or some special words to take away your pain honey, but all I've got is my experiences and wisdom to give you.

When I stopped dwelling after two years my doors and windows opened and the light shone through. I stopped being depressed and took the chance at marriage and hope for love. We have been married 25 yrs and he is still negative for the virus. Just have that cry sweetheart, let it out. Then one-day you wake up and no pain, no tears and life starts moving forward again, I promise this really happens. Just understand you are not alone in this. All I can give is a huge hug and tight squeeze, wipe your tears. Get some Canker Covers at Walgreen s or order at Amazon. My daughter is negative for herps, but has gotten canker sores, as many as 5 - 8 at a time, those covers heal them in two days and bring so much relief. Try to get your mindset calm. Try to stop dwelling. Life does and will go on sweetheart. Big hugs, Ace xo

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hereandnow

hi, thank you both for the wonderful words of advice and support. its so strange, i dealt with the GHSV so much better than when the cold sores started. something about having it "out there" i guess. i'm growing a nice beard, which i guess us guys are lucky to be able to do. VVK, i think you are right. i traveled back east for a long weekend and went off my diet and drank. jet lag, stress, and add in depression. its probably a wonder my symptoms aren't much worse right now. having the sores in the mouth was just the last straw...literally. at times i'm eating out of one!! its been since i got back, and has only compounded everything.

my ID specialist has me on 2 grams...yeah, a day, of valtrex for the last 3 weeks. i also take monolaurin/lysine/turmeric/b complex/omega3/zinc. i know my mind is what's causing most of this right now. its so hard to break those vicious cycles at times. writing it out did help, and i am going to just tell myself to get thru each day, each minute if i have to. i am so lucky to have my giver (asymptomatic to date), and i know her guilt is taking its toll on her. thank you again.

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sameme

Hi hereandnow,

I have experienced rounds of canker sores in my mouth around the same times that cold sores creep up on me, however, they are related to stress and not herpes. I have HSV1 both orally and genitally and I know what you mean that having it orally can feel worse cause others can see it. As you've probably read, HSV2 orally is the least active of the strain and location combinations so eventually when your body starts to adjust to having the virus, you probably won't have any oral outbreaks.

You'll feel better with time so be kind to yourself right now and trust that you'll get through this.

Big hug,

S

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