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eternaloptimist25

first time rejected since diagnosis

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eternaloptimist25

i joined over a year ago because i had an outbreak but negative bloodwork. well, i finally got tested again and diagnosed with type 2 in november. around that time, i reconnected with a guy that i've known online for years. we got really close, and started talking about starting a relationship when he moves closer for graduate school.

after about a month, i told him over the phone that i had herpes. i was over the moon that he took it so well. a week later, he expressed some fear since i don't take antivirals (first outbreak in july 2013, have only had one since) but i sent him some links to reassure him.

then fast forward to valentine's day, we're planning to meet in 2 weeks but he's been snippy with me for a few days. i finally confront him and he tells me that one of his biggest fears is getting an STD. his feelings for me haven't changed, but he's scared that if we are together and i eventually give him the virus that he's gonna hate me. i get where he's coming from, i really do, but i'm heartbroken. it's only been a couple days but i haven't gone once without crying. we haven't spoken since saturday, and i'm not sure if us talking will help but i don't know what else to do.

i finally meet someone that i click with in every way, only for it all to blow up in my face. i'm terrified to meet someone, in fear that he's going to change his mind down the road. does it ever get better? because i've never felt more alone. it doesn't help that my best friend gave me herpes but is so in denial about it that we can't talk about it.

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Acesheart

Hey eternal, May I ask how you know you didn't have herpes before this best friend? Did he specifically tell YOU he had herpes? Was this before you two connected in sex?

I stayed on antivirals for over 20 yrs straight to keep my still now husband Negative from my GHSV 2. It's a personal choice I made, he didn't want me taking anything, being with me was worth the risk of catching a virus.

If this guy reacted this way about herpes, what kind of supporting partner would he be if you got Cancer, I did, had a Miscarriage, I did, and now gone into Menopause which has been a year if horrific symptoms. My guy's up for Sainthood, lmao... A true relationship takes good and bad and life threatening situations and brings you two closer. If he ran from this, trust me he would have run away from something much more important than herpes. You deserve better. Is THE Best friend guy still in ur life,my hubby was my best friend, now he's a Wonderful husband and Terrific father. Don't waste your time with non educated guys who don't want to learn how to take precautions and support you. There are awesome guys who will support and know how live a lovely life with you and herpes. Hugs Aces xo

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eternaloptimist25

i know because i got a blood test after my first outbreak but had negative results. at the time he had been my only partner for a year, my outbreaks are always around my anus, and my partner is the only person i engaged in regular anal sex with. he didn't know he had herpes, never has had symptoms but he's already admitted that i had to have got it from him.

your husband sounds like a wonderful person, and it gives me hope that if you found someone that it's possible for me to one day. you're right that if he couldn't get me getting herpes that he would've ran away when something bigger came up. he's a sweet guy, but obviously can't accept that shit happens.

i've known my best friend for 6 years, and slept with him for over 2. even though the physical part of our relationship is over, we're still close. it's just hard for him to accept that his years of sleeping around with no protection has caught up with him. if he could get his life together and accomplish the goals i know he has, it would be really easy to fall for him. but he keeps missing the mark, and i just can't see myself with someone who isn't as ambitious i am (i work 40+ hours a week in law enforcement)

thank you for replying, you have vastly improved my mood!

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bob12

Was your type 2 diagnosis by swab or a "it's on the gentials so it's type 2"? Has bloodwork come back positive since then?

I think it's hard for someone without herpes to understand what it is. It sounds scary as hell, even the name sounds scary. In reality I don't know it if it's as bad as the reputation it has. Maybe ask him if he has some questions about it and try to calm his fears a bit. Antivirals are your choice, but they have been shown to greatly reduce risk of transmission, that's huge.

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eternaloptimist25

both times i had bloodwork done. the first time was negative, which leads me to believe i was newly infected. i waited over a year tk get tested again, had my blood tested for every STD under the sun which is when i found out i had type 2.

we haven't talked since he voiced his fears, and at the time i mentioned going on an antiviral but he still doesn't want to take the chance. it seems a bit late now to try and convince him that taking every precaution will keep him disease free. he said that his feelings for me are the same, and that i'm perfect, but that he's afraid to be intimate with me. that's what has made this experience so heartbreaking.

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Acesheart

I agree with bob, you are too good for him. If he has a chance to learn about this, get education, and he isn't willing, dump his Ass. www.westoverheights.com and here up top of THIS page called "OUR Network" , plenty information here.

I support all those who put their lives on the line to keep us safe.

Don't waste your time with those who are close minded and not willing to research this, you are worthy of a partner who will and wants to know the truth, not buy into this idiotic stigma, like him.

Hugs honey, Aces xo

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eternaloptimist25
Love sucks... he's not good enough for you...

yes, it does, but like fools we always come back for more :p

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eternaloptimist25
I agree with bob, you are too good for him. If he has a chance to learn about this, get education, and he isn't willing, dump his Ass. www.westoverheights.com and here up top of THIS page called "OUR Network" , plenty information here.

I support all those who put their lives on the line to keep us safe.

Don't waste your time with those who are close minded and not willing to research this, you are worthy of a partner who will and wants to know the truth, not buy into this idiotic stigma, like him.

Hugs honey, Aces xo

if he changes his mind, i will do everything in my power to educate him. from what i've read the chances of transmission are slim as long as we're careful. i was more willing to take that risk to be with him. it says a lot that he wasn't.

thank you, and i wish i could say that i put my life on the line. i have the rank of deputy but am a dispatcher. making sure all mine go home at the end of the night is my largest reward :)

and thank you for helping support fellow members here. even a few kind words go a very long way! <3

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Acesheart

I was just in an accident, GUY in van hit me broadsided, the poor dispatcher lady kept me calm till officers got there, I'd say that's a huge service :) . I'm hormonal, and freaking out, crying uncontrollably and in Menopause of all things. Add insults to injury, I just got my measles shot in LEFT arm and boy does that burn. No family, so No history, Dr said better safe then sorry ;) .

yes, it does, but like fools we always come back for more :p

I LOVE :love: Hugs Aces xo

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eternaloptimist25
I was just in an accident, GUY in van hit me broadsided, the poor dispatcher lady kept me calm till officers got there, I'd say that's a huge service :) . I'm hormonal, and freaking out, crying uncontrollably and in Menopause of all things. Add insults to injury, I just got my measles shot in LEFT arm and boy does that burn. No family, so No history, Dr said better safe then sorry ;) .

I LOVE :love: Hugs Aces xo

i'm so glad you're okay! i would've replied sooner but i'm working nights all weekend and am trying to get as much sleep as possible!

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Acesheart
i'm so glad you're okay! i would've replied sooner but i'm working nights all weekend and am trying to get as much sleep as possible!

Oh honey thank you for your concern. The poor lady dispatcher must have thought I was bleeding to death. She could tell I was Panicking and hyperventilating. She was like "it's ma'am now just breathe" lol...

I've ONLY had one other wreck, neither were my fault, but with meno, everything these days throws me into panic mode. Let's just say that was the longest 20 or so minutes of her life. Lol. Hugs and please get some rest, I know your job is very very important and appreciated to those of us you help :) ! Hugs Aces xo

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eternaloptimist25
Oh honey thank you for your concern. The poor lady dispatcher must have thought I was bleeding to death. She could tell I was Panicking and hyperventilating. She was like "it's ma'am now just breathe" lol...

I've ONLY had one other wreck, neither were my fault, but with meno, everything these days throws me into panic mode. Let's just say that was the longest 20 or so minutes of her life. Lol. Hugs and please get some rest, I know your job is very very important and appreciated to those of us you help :) ! Hugs Aces xo

i took a similar call this weekend, and everyone was okay but the woman was freaking out because she had hit her friend's vehicle.

thank you, i had to take a CPR re-cert class on my day off today but at least we get paid to do it!

is it crazy that i still miss the guy that rejected me? this weekend was supposed to be our trip. part of me wants to text him so badly, but i don't know if he'll even respond :(

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Acesheart
i took a similar call this weekend, and everyone was okay but the woman was freaking out because she had hit her friend's vehicle.

thank you, i had to take a CPR re-cert class on my day off today but at least we get paid to do it!

is it crazy that i still miss the guy that rejected me? this weekend was supposed to be our trip. part of me wants to text him so badly, but i don't know if he'll even respond :(

If you never try sweetheart you never know. If you want to text just go for it! I can tell you are a strong woman deep down. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Who knows how he will react. Put on your best smile :) . Hugs Aces xo

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eternaloptimist25
If you never try sweetheart you never know. If you want to text just go for it! I can tell you are a strong woman deep down. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Who knows how he will react. Put on your best smile :) . Hugs Aces xo

you're so right! once i figure out what i want to say, i'm going to text him. even if it goes terribly wrong, at least i'll know. thank you again for being so supportive. it's so great to have a forum where people understand, since in my experience most people just Don't Get It. hope you're having a good week :)

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Acesheart
you're so right! once i figure out what i want to say, i'm going to text him. even if it goes terribly wrong, at least i'll know. thank you again for being so supportive. it's so great to have a forum where people understand, since in my experience most people just Don't Get It. hope you're having a good week :)

:) Hugs sweetypie

Let me know how it goes, if I can be here for you I here!

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eternaloptimist25
:) Hugs sweetypie

Let me know how it goes, if I can be here for you I here!

i emailed him while i was at work because i'm still reading the book he got me during downtime, and just let him know that i am enjoying the book. he replied yesterday with:

"Hey!

I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you punctually, since we stopped talking I don't really check this email frequently, if ever.

I'm really glad that you like it, I remember you saying how much you adored Simon Pegg :).

I've heard about your crazy work, I signed up for notifications on Facebook so it tells me whenever you update your status (because I got a little obsessed), and I never turned it off :p, so I heard about the power outages and all that nonsense :p.

How's everything going?"

and i replied with

now i'm training on a new radio which means no reading until i'm signed off -_- so my books are sitting in my work bag, waiting to be finished.

i'm doing alright, just working mostly. i might be moving out with a coworker as a roommate within the next month, and the idea of finally not living with my mom is exciting :p what have you been up to? how's life?

i don't really want to say this through email or text but will likely never get the opportunity otherwise, so i just want you to know that i'm not mad at you and never could be. i'm still hurt, but am dealing with it. some days are better than others. despite that, i understand your fears and wish there was something i could've said or done for you. honestly, i hate that we haven't been talking, because it's just not the same. i miss you, and hope you don't hate me. i wish this weekend had worked out the way we wanted to <3

aaaand now the nail biting begins.

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Acesheart
i emailed him while i was at work because i'm still reading the book he got me during downtime, and just let him know that i am enjoying the book. he replied yesterday with:

"Hey!

I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you punctually, since we stopped talking I don't really check this email frequently, if ever.

I'm really glad that you like it, I remember you saying how much you adored Simon Pegg :).

I've heard about your crazy work, I signed up for notifications on Facebook so it tells me whenever you update your status (because I got a little obsessed), and I never turned it off :p, so I heard about the power outages and all that nonsense :p.

How's everything going?"

and i replied with

now i'm training on a new radio which means no reading until i'm signed off -_- so my books are sitting in my work bag, waiting to be finished.

i'm doing alright, just working mostly. i might be moving out with a coworker as a roommate within the next month, and the idea of finally not living with my mom is exciting :p what have you been up to? how's life?

i don't really want to say this through email or text but will likely never get the opportunity otherwise, so i just want you to know that i'm not mad at you and never could be. i'm still hurt, but am dealing with it. some days are better than others. despite that, i understand your fears and wish there was something i could've said or done for you. honestly, i hate that we haven't been talking, because it's just not the same. i miss you, and hope you don't hate me. i wish this weekend had worked out the way we wanted to <3

aaaand now the nail biting begins.

Well hot damn, this seems like a start on getting friendship back to normal. I married my best friend, he waited two yrs for me, I had issues and tons of dirty baggage, he didn't mind the wait and look as us NOW :) . It will be the situation where you just May Fly sweetheart, and I'm very proud of you for looking this in the eyes and standing tall ;) . Don't bite nails, paint cute things on them, lol. Or crazy colors. I paint usually Cherry Red (confident Power Color) but to drive hubby nuts, I will paint them Glossy Jet Black, he says dang your Goth has finally caught up? Lol

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eternaloptimist25

thank you so much! it's been a crazy week. he started texting me out of nowhere, we started talking, he sent me a long ass email that almost made me cry at work, and then we talked on the phone. basically he got scared because he's been falling in love with me and was afraid to commit if he couldn't get into grad school near me. he said me having herpes doesn't matter, that if it means being with me he's willing to take that risk. he's apologized a million times over, and things seem to be back on track. i called him out for not being honest with me, and he swears it'll never happen again. it's been a great week so far <3 i still fear that he's gonna get cold feet and freak himself out again but i already told him i'll whoop his ass if that happens lol

i know i've said thank you a million times but i really do appreciate the advice you give on this forum. having someone who truly understands the situations we face means the world!

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