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He says I gave him herpes...I don't think so

Princess Mess

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I have not had sex in about 6 months and never had any inclination that I should be tested for anything, because I've never showed any symptoms of any STD. That's not to say I don't have herpes, because I have researched long enough to know that some are asymptomatic.

Well, I ended up sleeping with my neighbor on two occasions. 3 weeks later he claims I gave him something. He went to the doc and left me a message saying that i had given him herpes, because he had an outbreak after we had sex, at some point. I don't know if he had a blood test or any details.

I don't know if he was sleeping with someone else or not. I'm going to have a blood test done, since I have no symptoms, whatsoever and the last person I had sex with didn't have any either ( I asked him).

He told me this on Friday night and pretty much ruined my whole weekend. Is it possible for someone who already has herpes to have an outbreak from having sex with someone who does not have it? Does it mean he can pinpoint me as the one who gave it to him?

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A person can have a viral infection and never exhibit symptoms and then suddenly the perfect combination of factors come together and they can have an ob.

It is based on their immune system and how healthy it is. . .

But . . .

It is also possible for someone to have a viral infection never have any symptoms or ob's and to have the virus shed asymptomatically and to infect another person.

My opinion is that you should be tested and try to find out if you have hsv. It is up to him to account for his other partners and to take responsibility for contacting them.

In his defense and your own. The first time we have symptoms or receive a positive test result the first place our minds will go to is "who gave this to me?" and typically we think of the individual we most recently had contact with. This is not necessarily the correct answer but it logically is the first thought.

Another logical factor is that most people do not understand the connection between oral herpes coldsores and oral sex leading to genital infections. The public has not been well informed about the infection rates and the risk. Many people do not take this information into account or ask sexual partners about their history with coldsores. If a person has oral herpes coldsores and engages in kissing and oral sex and then genital sex they are completing a circle that can lead to oral and genital infection.

You did not mention which strand he has been diagnosed with.

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I also got some information from another site, saying that if he was tested positive (i'm gonna assume HV2) after only three weeks, that he had the virus before our encounter, because it takes longer to get an accurate positive reading.

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Antibody formation usually takes a while but it is dependent on the individual immune system.

The healthier you are the faster they are made but yes 3 weeks is very fast and may indicate that he had a latent infection but the fact that he has had a recent ob does not necessarily bode well for you. :(

It sounds like you have a good attitude and you're doing your research.

I wish you all the best and a many negative tests too. :)

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I always love the blame game... I got blamed... until I met his ex-girlfriend from before me.... and she has it too...

get yourself tested... if you have it.... then there is a chance you did give it to him.. but there is a chance that he had it already and never had an outbreak... I have been diagnosed for about 3 years and never had an outbreak... so it is possible that he had it the whole time or you had it the whole time... depending on the last time you had a complete STD workup or when he did you man never know where it came from..

in the end... where it came from... isn't as important as how you are going to deal with your life and telling others... that is where the games really begin...

good luck to you.....

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wish you the best

I wish you the best I guess if I was you I would continue to try to support your boyfriend but only he can come to terms with what he has. Sometimes we blame the ones we care about the most when stuff like that happens.

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But he's not my boyfriend, just a two time encounter! And he's blaming me. I'm calling Monday morning for a blood herpes test. I have been devastated for two days, because he is blaming me for his diagnosis. After researching, I think it's too soon to diagnose his herpes unless contracted before me (it's been three weeks)....Now, I am worried that he gave ME the herpes. I will feel better once I find out the results. What is the BEST test to request, money no factor?

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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