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kim214

Family member has coldsore

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kim214

Hi

My brother currently has a coldsore and seems to be getting them often. He is 16.

I don't live at home with my parents and brother but drop my dog off each day and pick her up after work

I have an intense fear of getting a coldsore. I have never had one and neither has my mum. I honestly get really hot when I see one and feel sick (not because I'm disgusted but with anxiety).

I've resorted to walking around my mums house using my sleeves to open doors as I'm so worried I will get one from any residual virus on things he has touched. My questions are:

1) unless I directly kiss him on the mouth (which I wouldn't do ) can I get this?? From door handles he has touched seconds before me? From other objects?

2) if he kisses my dog or strokes her after touching his sore, will the virus live on her fur with her being a living thing? And if I then stroke her afterwards could I get it?

Basically am I at no risk unless I physically touch his sore with a part of my body?

I hate feeling like this. My boyfriend has said I need to start cognitive behaviour therapy (doctor also recommended this to me after seeing me walking round the surgery opening things with my sleeves instead of hands).

I have extreme anxiety over this which has started a year ago (I'm 27 and prior to this had no fear of them whatsoever).

Please can anyone put my mind at rest so I can go to my mums house and spend time with my brother without feeling this intense fear. I worry for the future. This fear has already limited what I will do in life. I fear going into shops incase I'm served by someone with a coldsore and transfer it to my purchases. I hand sanitize with antibacterial alcohol wash each time I touch anything outside my own house. I'm worried that eventually I won't be able to leave the house (such is my irrational fear of this)

Thank you so much for any responses.

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JBnATL

The ONLY way you could get it from your brother is to kiss him. Even then if he doesn't have an active sore, it doesn't mean you would automatically get it. So don't worry about getting it from him.

You dog may get herpes, but not from your brother. Most vertebrate animals, including dogs, can get a virus called herpes. It isn't the same type as ours but very similar.

Have you ever been tested? Chances are you have it too. Even though you have never had a cold sore doesn't mean you don't have the virus. Did you ever have chicken pox? That is also another type of herpes.

Good luck!

JB

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kim214

Hi

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply

So I don't need to worry about touching door handles etc? I'm even too scared to use the toilet there and it really affected my Christmas Day with my family. I took my own knife and fork and got them out when noone was looking. Silly really.

No I haven't been tested but to be honest I would rather not know. I know that is stupid and being in denial, but I know if for instance it came back I had it, id be paranoid about every pimple, every dry patch on my lip etc and id be even more of a nervous wreck. I know it's sounds stupid but my boyfriend would suffer as id be so paranoid I would probably never kiss him again.

I just need to rationalise this in my head. My boyfriend says I am intelligent and know the facts that it doesn't spread through inanimate objects.

My brother has an active sore at the moment which has fuelled my paranoia about going round. I haven't even picked my dog up for days (they look after her and she used to be the family pet) for fear of having to touch doors, cupboards etc. he hugged my dog the other dog and grabbed her collar. I was then paranoid about touching the collar for a few days

I know what I have is an irrational fear. I do need help. I lived with my nan for 4 years and she gets them and I never batted an eyelid about using the toilet, her making me food and drink and vice versa. This past year has been horrible and I don't know where this fear has come from. I do have OCD in general and have become very rigid in what I will and will not do due to this fear.

Id love to drive down to McDonald's on a hungover day for a breakfast. But I went through the drive through a few months ago and got served by someone with a coldsore. Now I'm too scared to go back

Please don't think I think of people with coldsores as diseased or in any way dirty. This is about my own fear rather than what I think of others.

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JBnATL

It does sound like you know the facts, and the facts are you cannot get it from an inanimate object.

I hope you get the help you need to overcome this obsession.

JB

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kim214

Thank you for replying once again

It's great to come here for support

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Acesheart

kim, have you thought of counseling? It sounds way too much like Obsessive Compulsive Disorders are preventing you from really enjoying your life. Did you know that at least 1 or 2 people you see daily, maybe you don't know them personally or maybe you do, have at least one form of herpes honey. It took me decades to find out my father in law had oral h1, we found out when he was taking extreme treatments for brain cancer, non curable fourth stage. He broke out all over his mouth area, we still kissed him, hugged him and so did all the babies, children and family. He was dieing so no one cared about some stupid sores, the love we had for him (daddy) was way stronger then h1 on his face. Hugs Aces xx

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kim214

Hi Aces.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I often read this forum and think you are a lovely person.

I have thought about counselling. It's just finding time to do it with work. It is definitely making my life less enjoyable. I freely admit that. And it's getting worse

If I can keep telling myself that you need direct skin to skin contact I may in time get over this irrational fear. I know it is irrational and the ends are not worth the fear.

But yet I can't get over the 'what if' scenarios I put into my head. what if some virus was left on the door handle and I got it onto my hand and used the bathroom and transferred it that way. I know it's probably impossible, but what if?

I've been in tears over this at times and wish I could go back to the happy go lucky girl I was before

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Acesheart
Hi Aces.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I often read this forum and think you are a lovely person.

I have thought about counselling. It's just finding time to do it with work. It is definitely making my life less enjoyable. I freely admit that. And it's getting worse

If I can keep telling myself that you need direct skin to skin contact I may in time get over this irrational fear. I know it is irrational and the ends are not worth the fear.

But yet I can't get over the 'what if' scenarios I put into my head. what if some virus was left on the door handle and I got it onto my hand and used the bathroom and transferred it that way. I know it's probably impossible, but what if?

I've been in tears over this at times and wish I could go back to the happy go lucky girl I was before

I do understand. My husband will ask "what does it matter if dishes stay overnight or if this drawer isn't closed, will the world fall apart"? Well for me it seems like it does. I obsess over the silliest thinks. To me they are real, NOT silly, they matter although I can't say why. I have compulsion for so many tiny things that combined they get HUGE. No one can understand unless they live it.

People tell me how in control I am, honey they have no idea how out of control my life feels at time.

My therapist told me yrs ago, see the problem, tap your leg and count to 20 while tapping, if after this you still have to fix this thing then fix it and move on. It works sometimes, but NOT always. Hugs Aces xo

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