Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
Sirenn

The talk... after sex.

Recommended Posts

Sirenn

I recently told the guy I've been dating about my condition. I was a coward and didn't tell him before intercourse, but the guilt was killing me and I ended up telling him. He was upset about me not telling him before. He made it clear that he's always been one to be very careful when it came to sex for fear of catching something unwanted. He trusted me and I betrayed his trust by withholding health information that could potentially affect him. He stayed quiet for the most part and just kept saying he was scared and I proceeded by telling him the facts and ways I could protect him.

The following night he apologized for freaking out, but it came to him as a shock to him and it did make him question the relationship. He reassured me that his feelings for me haven't changed which I was relieved to hear, but he still needs time to processes it. I tried to put things into perspective which is what helped me come to terms with my condition. Yes, H is unfortunately and none of us ask for it, but the reality is that most people have one form of it but are ignorant about the truth. It's a virus that lives in our body, like the flu, that becomes active a couple of times a year; it's not life threatening and it's very manageable (at least for me).

I'm not sure where we stand, I'm giving him his space, but I wanted to reach out to the community to others who have given the talk after. How did your partner take it? I know it was wrong and in the past I've disclosed but this time it was different. We were having a beautiful day together and I didn't want to ruin it with the stupid talk.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acesheart
I recently told the guy I've been dating about my condition. I was a coward and didn't tell him before intercourse, but the guilt was killing me and I ended up telling him. He was upset about me not telling him before. He made it clear that he's always been one to be very careful when it came to sex for fear of catching something unwanted. He trusted me and I betrayed his trust by withholding health information that could potentially affect him. He stayed quiet for the most part and just kept saying he was scared and I proceeded by telling him the facts and ways I could protect him.

The following night he apologized for freaking out, but it came to him as a shock to him and it did make him question the relationship. He reassured me that his feelings for me haven't changed which I was relieved to hear, but he still needs time to processes it. I tried to put things into perspective which is what helped me come to terms with my condition. Yes, H is unfortunately and none of us ask for it, but the reality is that most people have one form of it but are ignorant about the truth. It's a virus that lives in our body, like the flu, that becomes active a couple of times a year; it's not life threatening and it's very manageable (at least for me).

I'm not sure where we stand, I'm giving him his space, but I wanted to reach out to the community to others who have given the talk after. How did your partner take it? I know it was wrong and in the past I've disclosed but this time it was different. We were having a beautiful day together and I didn't want to ruin it with the stupid talk.

Hi Sirenn, I am just wondering if he was more upset because he felt you didn't trust him to be honest up front or is he more concerned with not being very educated about our virus? Here is a site that has many good pieces of info me may be interested in reading www.westoverheights.com I do hope he can forget this lapse in judgement and move forward with the relationship.

You can also let him know that 80% already have it but never test to know.

He too could already be a herpster but if he has never tested (as most don't) he would not know his status.

Good luck and please keep us post. Hugs Aces xo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sirenn

He was upset that I didn't tell him before we were intimate. He said he understands and even though he knows he should be mad at me he can't. Now I just feel like I'm not worthy of his love and it's breaking my heart.

I hope that the love he feels for is strong enough to overcome this. Ugh stupid H!

Hi Sirenn, I am just wondering if he was more upset because he felt you didn't trust him to be honest up front or is he more concerned with not being very educated about our virus? Here is a site that has many good pieces of info me may be interested in reading www.westoverheights.com I do hope he can forget this lapse in judgement and move forward with the relationship.

You can also let him know that 80% already have it but never test to know.

He too could already be a herpster but if he has never tested (as most don't) he would not know his status.

Good luck and please keep us post. Hugs Aces xo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acesheart
He was upset that I didn't tell him before we were intimate. He said he understands and even though he knows he should be mad at me he can't. Now I just feel like I'm not worthy of his love and it's breaking my heart.

I hope that the love he feels for is strong enough to overcome this. Ugh stupid H!

Hey listen to me, who ever gave you the idea that your NOT worthy is WRONG! Yes you were human, you made poor choice, but that absolutely does NOT determine who you are or what kind of character you have. We are human and we make mistakes, but even God allowed us to do this.

You deserve every GREAT thing that comes your way, okay.

LOVE is way stronger than any stupid virus, no-one is perfect.

If he truly understands why you did not disclosure then he will forgive you and move forward.

I've spoken with tons of users here over four years who say that honesty was a bigger deal then their herpes. He has forgiven you, now sweetheart it's time you forgive yourself. Make yourself a promise to fully trust this man who seems to want to love you, let him in. I know it is hard to lower the gate after we've been hurt, damn I had a mote too, but when human beings show love, kindness and true concern about us and our lives, give him a chance. Don't go back to the "if I'd only" move on to how can I make him see I am going to let him love me. Trust yourself to do this. Let me know what happens. He seems like he wants things to work so at least give BOTH of you a fighting shot at this relationship. Hugs, sincerest blessings, Aces xo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
blue84

If this happend to me I would been pissed ...second I hope you used a rubber at least and took a few antivirals before intercourse if you ain't telling him..either way be straight up men will most likely sleep with you than a women with me. ..so with that said odds are in favor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sirenn

Thank you so much for the kind words Ace. I hope he truly understand and didn't just say it to comfort me. I can't stop obsessing about what he must be feeling or thinking right now; the distance is killing me. I know he's upset about the omission and wondered if there are any other deep secrets he should no about but I assured him this was it. He mentioned that if we get through this then he hopes that he can trust me to protect him in the future. I guess time will only tell and I've definitely learned my lesson.

Hey listen to me, who ever gave you the idea that your NOT worthy is WRONG! Yes you were human, you made poor choice, but that absolutely does NOT determine who you are or what kind of character you have. We are human and we make mistakes, but even God allowed us to do this.

You deserve every GREAT thing that comes your way, okay.

LOVE is way stronger than any stupid virus, no-one is perfect.

If he truly understands why you did not disclosure then he will forgive you and move forward.

I've spoken with tons of users here over four years who say that honesty was a bigger deal then their herpes. He has forgiven you, now sweetheart it's time you forgive yourself. Make yourself a promise to fully trust this man who seems to want to love you, let him in. I know it is hard to lower the gate after we've been hurt, damn I had a mote too, but when human beings show love, kindness and true concern about us and our lives, give him a chance. Don't go back to the "if I'd only" move on to how can I make him see I am going to let him love me. Trust yourself to do this. Let me know what happens. He seems like he wants things to work so at least give BOTH of you a fighting shot at this relationship. Hugs, sincerest blessings, Aces xo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sirenn

We didn't use a condom but I've been taking my antivirals which doesn't change anything because it was still a selfish act. I know better. In the past "the talks" have been successful but this time I couldn't bring myself to do it. Spare me the guilt trip, I'm punishing myself as it is. I made a big mistake and it won't happen again. Ruining the moment with "the talk" is nothing to betraying someone's trust.

If this happend to me I would been pissed ...second I hope you used a rubber at least and took a few antivirals before intercourse if you ain't telling him..either way be straight up men will most likely sleep with you than a women with me. ..so with that said odds are in favor

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
blue84

Thi can cause you to loose a relationship ..you know trust is everything.. And health is not take ligthy ..

I think you guys will be ok and your relationship with guy will be fine..but you needs to be honest from this point on.. Specialy if you like this guy and treats you will... For some people herpes isn't a definening no I won't date you.. Sometimes there's more than meets eye personally and a good hearth and sense of humar ..u be ok hunn just take kid to dinner and say sorry not much you can do..thanks for story

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sirenn

[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Acesheart
[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

Hey Sirenn, this is awesome news! :) If he has any questions (from a women with herpes for over half her life) I would love to help answer them :) . God knows ever since I joined here I have not shut up, lol.. If I can help just message and I will do my best. Remember love is patience and kindness and understanding, even when we aren't feeling this way. Hugs Aces xo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
blue84
[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

Good news hopefully it works out for you and him and this will never happened again

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      69,563
    • Total Posts
      468,604
  • Posts

    • viralfrog
      I would not be the first one, plenty of others here on the forum who get recurrent OBs despite heavy doses of antivirals. The blisters appear exactly in/around the spot where I had my first OB 4 years ago, plus all the symptoms I have are those commonly described as HSV-2 symptoms. In my opinion, it's a clear case.  But your suggestion is definitely an option that should not be ruled out. I'll wait until I get a bad enough OB again so I can go get another swab test. The outbreak needs to be bad enough to be able to break the blisters to get the liquid from inside right? I recall hearing something like this when I got tested years ago. The doctor used a swab that had tiny needles on it that would pop the blisters open. Do you know if this is right, i.e. you will not get a positive swab just from a mild OB / redness? 
    • jreemi
      90% elimination of the latent virus in thr ganglia probably will be a functional cure. Sure the small remaining amount can reactivate, but thete is a viral load threshhold for transmission. More than likely that won't be enough to cause transmission, or enough shedding for transmission. Damage enough of the latent virus and we are good to go. There is already a Crispr trial on humans going on right now https://newatlas.com/crispr-trial-underway-vertex-gene-therapy/58643/ So we are just waiting on Keith Jerome's lab and Excision Biotherapeutics to begin their trials. I've beem following Crispr for years now, and it keeps gettimg more accurate. I believe researchers at Duke have recently made a big breakthrough on accuracy, by changing the level of regulation instead of cutting DNA. I wonder if these labs collaborate with others such as Jerome's?
    • WilsoInAus
      No need to be tired at all, I'm sorry of you cannot accept the facts surrounding testing, but here they are. Your note is full of inaccuracies so let's iron those out. I don't need you to believe anything, I am just putting the facts out there. Here's a few studies: https://jcm.asm.org/content/37/5/1632 Here we have 29 patients with recent HSV-2 infection... 100% turned positive, 0% false negatives. https://jcm.asm.org/content/36/3/845/figures-only Here we have over 1,000 positive samples from people who have swabbed positive and compared to three different blood tests - over 95% accurate. https://jcm.asm.org/content/26/4/662?ijkey=9ebe349f98ed94f019ed788604c8fa19864a2c7e&keytype2=tf_ipsecsha Here we have 76 people who swabbed positive, the Westernblot detected 99% and an immunoblot 96%. Can you elaborate what is vague about these items of research. I'm sure now you'll want to review the references to these papers where you'll find even more. Some of them are in easy text for the beginner. So you stand corrected, it is in fact your comments that are spreading misinformation. That is not tolerated on this website. Also what nonsense that people do not get lesions to swab upon infection? Where did you read that? Hello Dolly? I'm afraid it is back to the books for you to do some more research before having such a rambunctious spew like above. STOP IT - we are all tired of your unsubstantiated drivel. This is 2019 we want something tangible, something real, something sound and wholesome and not drooling rants equal of the park bench antics of the drunks at 2am Sunday morning! I will NEVER stop because no matter how immature, how bombastic, how fantastic, how inaccurate, how frivolous, how false the spew that ends up on this website - the TRUTH will always be the light, the love, the guidance, the deliverance and the justice... no matter how many capitalised swear words are thrown!
    • Talx2520
      I took an IgG blood test 6 months after the episode. HSV-2 was negative (less than .91) and HSV-1 was high at 3.18
    • RainyDay2
      My comment was about THE BLOOD TEST!  You’re 95-100% accuracy for it?  Garbage.  Pure garbage.  You might as well have pulled that number out of your ass. Google search HIV accuracy... almost every medical site will tell you 4th generation HIV testing is as close to 99.9% percent you can possibly get after a certain period of elapsed time.  They will pretty much GUARANTEE you that you are indeed negative if you have a negative test. That defined certainty of accuracy WILL NOT AND CAN NOT be found for HSV blood tests.  You get vague descriptions of it’s accuracy from almost every site you visit.  NO CERTAINTIES.  Thousands of us on these forums KNOW the test isn’t accurate. When your score is between 1.1 and 3.5, this could be a false positive.  Certain sites list almost 1 in 2 tests can be false positives.  50 fucking percent!! And you want me to believe the test is 95-100% accurate? How come so many sites also seem to dance around the possibility of false negatives?   All that isn’t necessary in HIV testing.  Because if YOU DO get a low positive, the confirmatory HIV test checks for the actual VIRUS in your system.   And there are almost NO FALSE NEGATIVES.    NO HSV BLOOD TEST CAN DO THAT! Not even the Western Blot.  At the end of the day, it’s just a more detailed look at antibodies.  And many sites will tell you a “small” number of people may never develop. How small are we talking???? That can be any number.   Trash. And again, a large margin of people with herpes DO NOT GET LESIONS to be swabbed.  Google tells you that.  If majority of herpes infected have nothing to swab,  well that pretty much makes PCRs and cultures worthless for the most part doesn’t it?  If there is nothing to swab after a year, in your words, you are clear of herpes. BULLSHIT! So Wilso, just stop it.  You have never done scientific testing in a lab yourself on herpes. You are not a doctor.  You are constantly telling people false information.  Assuring them of promises you have no authority to make.  I’ve seen you do it time and time again.  Do you have regrets???????????  Im tired of your lies.  
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.