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Sirenn

The talk... after sex.

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Sirenn

I recently told the guy I've been dating about my condition. I was a coward and didn't tell him before intercourse, but the guilt was killing me and I ended up telling him. He was upset about me not telling him before. He made it clear that he's always been one to be very careful when it came to sex for fear of catching something unwanted. He trusted me and I betrayed his trust by withholding health information that could potentially affect him. He stayed quiet for the most part and just kept saying he was scared and I proceeded by telling him the facts and ways I could protect him.

The following night he apologized for freaking out, but it came to him as a shock to him and it did make him question the relationship. He reassured me that his feelings for me haven't changed which I was relieved to hear, but he still needs time to processes it. I tried to put things into perspective which is what helped me come to terms with my condition. Yes, H is unfortunately and none of us ask for it, but the reality is that most people have one form of it but are ignorant about the truth. It's a virus that lives in our body, like the flu, that becomes active a couple of times a year; it's not life threatening and it's very manageable (at least for me).

I'm not sure where we stand, I'm giving him his space, but I wanted to reach out to the community to others who have given the talk after. How did your partner take it? I know it was wrong and in the past I've disclosed but this time it was different. We were having a beautiful day together and I didn't want to ruin it with the stupid talk.

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Acesheart
I recently told the guy I've been dating about my condition. I was a coward and didn't tell him before intercourse, but the guilt was killing me and I ended up telling him. He was upset about me not telling him before. He made it clear that he's always been one to be very careful when it came to sex for fear of catching something unwanted. He trusted me and I betrayed his trust by withholding health information that could potentially affect him. He stayed quiet for the most part and just kept saying he was scared and I proceeded by telling him the facts and ways I could protect him.

The following night he apologized for freaking out, but it came to him as a shock to him and it did make him question the relationship. He reassured me that his feelings for me haven't changed which I was relieved to hear, but he still needs time to processes it. I tried to put things into perspective which is what helped me come to terms with my condition. Yes, H is unfortunately and none of us ask for it, but the reality is that most people have one form of it but are ignorant about the truth. It's a virus that lives in our body, like the flu, that becomes active a couple of times a year; it's not life threatening and it's very manageable (at least for me).

I'm not sure where we stand, I'm giving him his space, but I wanted to reach out to the community to others who have given the talk after. How did your partner take it? I know it was wrong and in the past I've disclosed but this time it was different. We were having a beautiful day together and I didn't want to ruin it with the stupid talk.

Hi Sirenn, I am just wondering if he was more upset because he felt you didn't trust him to be honest up front or is he more concerned with not being very educated about our virus? Here is a site that has many good pieces of info me may be interested in reading www.westoverheights.com I do hope he can forget this lapse in judgement and move forward with the relationship.

You can also let him know that 80% already have it but never test to know.

He too could already be a herpster but if he has never tested (as most don't) he would not know his status.

Good luck and please keep us post. Hugs Aces xo

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Sirenn

He was upset that I didn't tell him before we were intimate. He said he understands and even though he knows he should be mad at me he can't. Now I just feel like I'm not worthy of his love and it's breaking my heart.

I hope that the love he feels for is strong enough to overcome this. Ugh stupid H!

Hi Sirenn, I am just wondering if he was more upset because he felt you didn't trust him to be honest up front or is he more concerned with not being very educated about our virus? Here is a site that has many good pieces of info me may be interested in reading www.westoverheights.com I do hope he can forget this lapse in judgement and move forward with the relationship.

You can also let him know that 80% already have it but never test to know.

He too could already be a herpster but if he has never tested (as most don't) he would not know his status.

Good luck and please keep us post. Hugs Aces xo

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Acesheart
He was upset that I didn't tell him before we were intimate. He said he understands and even though he knows he should be mad at me he can't. Now I just feel like I'm not worthy of his love and it's breaking my heart.

I hope that the love he feels for is strong enough to overcome this. Ugh stupid H!

Hey listen to me, who ever gave you the idea that your NOT worthy is WRONG! Yes you were human, you made poor choice, but that absolutely does NOT determine who you are or what kind of character you have. We are human and we make mistakes, but even God allowed us to do this.

You deserve every GREAT thing that comes your way, okay.

LOVE is way stronger than any stupid virus, no-one is perfect.

If he truly understands why you did not disclosure then he will forgive you and move forward.

I've spoken with tons of users here over four years who say that honesty was a bigger deal then their herpes. He has forgiven you, now sweetheart it's time you forgive yourself. Make yourself a promise to fully trust this man who seems to want to love you, let him in. I know it is hard to lower the gate after we've been hurt, damn I had a mote too, but when human beings show love, kindness and true concern about us and our lives, give him a chance. Don't go back to the "if I'd only" move on to how can I make him see I am going to let him love me. Trust yourself to do this. Let me know what happens. He seems like he wants things to work so at least give BOTH of you a fighting shot at this relationship. Hugs, sincerest blessings, Aces xo

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blue84

If this happend to me I would been pissed ...second I hope you used a rubber at least and took a few antivirals before intercourse if you ain't telling him..either way be straight up men will most likely sleep with you than a women with me. ..so with that said odds are in favor

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Sirenn

Thank you so much for the kind words Ace. I hope he truly understand and didn't just say it to comfort me. I can't stop obsessing about what he must be feeling or thinking right now; the distance is killing me. I know he's upset about the omission and wondered if there are any other deep secrets he should no about but I assured him this was it. He mentioned that if we get through this then he hopes that he can trust me to protect him in the future. I guess time will only tell and I've definitely learned my lesson.

Hey listen to me, who ever gave you the idea that your NOT worthy is WRONG! Yes you were human, you made poor choice, but that absolutely does NOT determine who you are or what kind of character you have. We are human and we make mistakes, but even God allowed us to do this.

You deserve every GREAT thing that comes your way, okay.

LOVE is way stronger than any stupid virus, no-one is perfect.

If he truly understands why you did not disclosure then he will forgive you and move forward.

I've spoken with tons of users here over four years who say that honesty was a bigger deal then their herpes. He has forgiven you, now sweetheart it's time you forgive yourself. Make yourself a promise to fully trust this man who seems to want to love you, let him in. I know it is hard to lower the gate after we've been hurt, damn I had a mote too, but when human beings show love, kindness and true concern about us and our lives, give him a chance. Don't go back to the "if I'd only" move on to how can I make him see I am going to let him love me. Trust yourself to do this. Let me know what happens. He seems like he wants things to work so at least give BOTH of you a fighting shot at this relationship. Hugs, sincerest blessings, Aces xo

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Sirenn

We didn't use a condom but I've been taking my antivirals which doesn't change anything because it was still a selfish act. I know better. In the past "the talks" have been successful but this time I couldn't bring myself to do it. Spare me the guilt trip, I'm punishing myself as it is. I made a big mistake and it won't happen again. Ruining the moment with "the talk" is nothing to betraying someone's trust.

If this happend to me I would been pissed ...second I hope you used a rubber at least and took a few antivirals before intercourse if you ain't telling him..either way be straight up men will most likely sleep with you than a women with me. ..so with that said odds are in favor

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blue84

Thi can cause you to loose a relationship ..you know trust is everything.. And health is not take ligthy ..

I think you guys will be ok and your relationship with guy will be fine..but you needs to be honest from this point on.. Specialy if you like this guy and treats you will... For some people herpes isn't a definening no I won't date you.. Sometimes there's more than meets eye personally and a good hearth and sense of humar ..u be ok hunn just take kid to dinner and say sorry not much you can do..thanks for story

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Sirenn

[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

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Acesheart
[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

Hey Sirenn, this is awesome news! :) If he has any questions (from a women with herpes for over half her life) I would love to help answer them :) . God knows ever since I joined here I have not shut up, lol.. If I can help just message and I will do my best. Remember love is patience and kindness and understanding, even when we aren't feeling this way. Hugs Aces xo

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blue84
[uPDATE] After giving him space for a couple of days, he was finally ready to talk. He said that he wanted to move forward with our relationship. The H is still in the back of his head but it's not enough to keep him away so for now we're abstaining from sex until he's fully come to terms with it.

Good news hopefully it works out for you and him and this will never happened again

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