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ksilva

Someone help, I'm feeling lost

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ksilva

Hello,

I just found out yesterday my boyfriend of 4 years was diagnosed with genital herpes. We had sex before we knew this so I'm assuming I'm just a ticking time bomb awaiting the inevitable. I feel betrayed, lost, have not stopped crying..

He claims sometime last year he got trashed and ended up at a motel with 2 herpes infected people who "took advantage" of him. That this was somehow nonconsensual. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to believe?

All I know is that my life has easily turned around and nothing will ever be the same. I feel sad. I don't want this to be happening to me :sad: He's trying to be here for me but I can't seem to let him in so easily.

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Acesheart
Hello,

I just found out yesterday my boyfriend of 4 years was diagnosed with genital herpes. We had sex before we knew this so I'm assuming I'm just a ticking time bomb awaiting the inevitable. I feel betrayed, lost, have not stopped crying..

He claims sometime last year he got trashed and ended up at a motel with 2 herpes infected people who "took advantage" of him. That this was somehow nonconsensual. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to believe?

All I know is that my life has easily turned around and nothing will ever be the same. I feel sad. I don't want this to be happening to me :sad: He's trying to be here for me but I can't seem to let him in so easily.

Hey ksilva, welcome honey. If you have never properly tested, you could already have herpes. Many have the virus but since standardized STD testing doesn't include herpes, they never know until something pops up then they get properly tested only to discover they already had herpes. My husband has been with me 25yrs, he still test negative for my Ghsv 2. Get tested, ask for an IGG blood test to determine your herpes status, but please don't assume you already have it from him.

May I ask how he knew for sure these 2 people had herpes?

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ksilva

Thank you... I could really use your support...

He told me yesterday that he texted the man and woman if they had herpes and they did. They just never told him, until now. I have my doctors appointment on Wednesday but I'm already feeling itchy down there. And my boyfriend or whatever he is ... is having full blow breakout now :(

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Acesheart
Thank you... I could really use your support...

He told me yesterday that he texted the man and woman if they had herpes and they did. They just never told him, until now. I have my doctors appointment on Wednesday but I'm already feeling itchy down there. And my boyfriend or whatever he is ... is having full blow breakout now :(

If he is having symptoms visible, now is the time to take him and get them swabbed.

He could have several things, STD' s so I certainly would ask him to test. Don't let this determine if you are positive for herpes.

If I see fleas, ticks or headlice I immediately start to itch, it's a mental thing. Do Not get paranoid okay.

I find it strange he would just NOW think to ask this couple "hey do y'all have herpes"? Doesn't that strike you as odd?

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november13

Just feeling itchy can be caused by so many things! Don't stress about that. Just because he has herpes does NOT mean you automatically have it. There are many ways you can protect yourself and still be together.

BUT your boyfriend's story sounds kinda fishy. I'm not sure if he is claiming to not have known until now or if he is saying he knew but didn't tell you, but it sounds like he has known for a while. (If something was really nonconsensual, would you really contact the people again? Why would he still be in touch with people who did something so horrible to him?) It IS a really scary thing to tell someone you have herpes, so I don't think this makes him a horrible person or anything if he did hide it, but ask yourself whether you still trust him.

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ksilva
If he is having symptoms visible, now is the time to take him and get them swabbed.

He could have several things, STD' s so I certainly would ask him to test. Don't let this determine if you are positive for herpes.

If I see fleas, ticks or headlice I immediately start to itch, it's a mental thing. Do Not get paranoid okay.

I find it strange he would just NOW think to ask this couple "hey do y'all have herpes"? Doesn't that strike you as odd?

Yes, he has soars and is taking medication for it.

I don't see anything unusual down for for myself. Everything seems fine but from time to time, I have an itch. Maybe it's mental. All I can do is wait I guess for results.

I do think it's odd too, at first he thought he had a razor irritation that turned into an infection. And then on friday he said he forgot to mention to me that sometime last year he was completely out of it and ended up at a motel with (a) one of his friends (girl) and (B) a man he didn't know. And that they took advantage of him. He never told me due to him feeling "ashamed" but when he did go to the clinic on friday he was able to reach him and ask if he and the girl "friend" had herpes. And they admitted that they did.

One hell of a story. I still don't know what to believe considering we've been together all this time through good and bad times.

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ksilva
Just feeling itchy can be caused by so many things! Don't stress about that. Just because he has herpes does NOT mean you automatically have it. There are many ways you can protect yourself and still be together.

BUT your boyfriend's story sounds kinda fishy. I'm not sure if he is claiming to not have known until now or if he is saying he knew but didn't tell you, but it sounds like he has known for a while. (If something was really nonconsensual, would you really contact the people again? Why would he still be in touch with people who did something so horrible to him?) It IS a really scary thing to tell someone you have herpes, so I don't think this makes him a horrible person or anything if he did hide it, but ask yourself whether you still trust him.

He says he tried to block that night out of his mind because he was ashamed. He never showed any symptoms until this past week.. so all this time he didn't know he had the virus. Until things got too bad down there he decided to go to the clinic on friday and sure enough they said it was herpes. When they doctor told him he had herpes, he decided to contact this man and the friend to ask if they had herpes.. and they said they did but that they were "careful" with him... But you're right.. the girl he was with that night was his "friend" .. and he was ashamed about being with a man too. Although according to him he didn't want to, but he was too intoxicated to do much about it. He even says they had to wake him up a few times. So he never told me.

I don't know what to believe.

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