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How to tell him??? Advice Please!!!!!! :(

esperanza25

By esperanza25
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esperanza25 Honeycomb Member

esperanza25

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:-|Ok, so here's my situation. I hung out with this guy twice, then went home for the summer. He kept in touch and we became very, very close. Just recently we finally told eachother how much we like eachother and we are falling in love. Now, I will be going back in 3 weeks and we will see eachother for the first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. I have never had to have the "talk" before and it scares the hell out of me and I don't know how I can do it. I was wondering if I should tell him over the phone before I get back, but I feel like that will ruin our first time together. Then I wouldn't be able to give him info and facts on paper, but I feel safe behind the phone. I wrote it all out in a letter, and I feel like I have so many facts, points and the reason/ history to tell and I feel like the only way to make sure I tell him everything is thorough the letter. I know it's best to have the "talk" in person, but I honestly don't know how to get the guts. Is that bad if I give him a letter??? What should I do? I want to be with him, and I will be honest with him and tell him, I just need help doing it. Sorry this is so long. Any advice would help me tons!!! THANK YOU AGAIN GUYS!!!!!!!! :-|

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starphyse Established Member

starphyse

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Research and explain

First off you should express how you feel about him see if he really loves you cause I did with my girlfriend even know I didn't tell her she knew and she told me and I didn't really get upset. If someone really loves you or really likes you something like herpes they will be able to work around.

Best to take it slow explain his inital reaction will be like umm he won't know what to think that when you tell him about the virus etc how its not that harmful but just cantagious and if you 2 are careful he won't get it. 1 in 4 people have herpes of some kind the genital is in alot of ways less spreadable then hsv1 oral. As I tell everyone that needs help my im info is in my profile send me a message if you want. My girlfriend told me on our 3rd date she had herpes I don't have it myself I understood and now I try to help others with it while planning sexual relations with my girlfriend which very well make me infected too but thats a risk I take and he will have to take the same risk.

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JP123 Honeycomb Member

JP123

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If you have trouble staying on course with what you plan to say, writing it out doesn't seem that bad of an idea. But, I would start as Star said - express how much you enjoy them, how you want to see the relationship progress, and how its time you had a discussion about sex. You can then say, just as everyone has issues, I have mine. Get their commitment that they'll read the entire letter first and not judge you. Let them read the letter in front of you and reassure them that you are there to answer any questions. If you make sure you include the statistics, the risk, and promise to be open with him about your body's status, I can see him making an educated decision.

If it all seems overwhelming, it might be right now - because its only your first "official" date. If there's a real possibility of sex, then definitely go with your plan. If not, maybe just go on your date, have fun, and get to know each other more.

Good luck!

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FaithandDetermination Newbie

FaithandDetermination

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Anyway you can tell him is a good way..

It takes a lot of guts to tell someone this face to face, someones initial reaction maybe not the same after they have time to think about it. dont put him on the spot give him time to think about it and make sure to tell him that you will let him know if you THINK your going to have an outbreak. make sure he understands you will do everything you can not to spread it further.

I was in this predicament about 2years ago. I had just left the man, if thats what you wanna call him... But then i met a wonderful man at work and we hit it off right away, the connection was their. We had done it a couple of times with protection and no Outbreaks. But i knew i had to tell him so he could make his own decision on weather or not to take the risks. I also did not know how to tell him but i knew i had to. telling him face to face was not an option because even though i knew how much he liked me i thought he would leave or RUN... So i ended up texting him the news. seemed like it took forever for him to respond but he said he did not care.. OH thank god. so its 2 yrs later and we are still together and have even had our first baby on mothers day 2007 My daughter does not have herpes than God to that too. Life does go on and some ppl can get past it. just have to be careful

good luck and let us know how it goes

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starphyse Established Member

starphyse

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smiles

You will be fine just take it slow and let the emotions build have fun together but they are like i was really getting sexual fast then you may have to tell them sooner but the more sexual someone is like on the 2nd or 3rd date that may mean something there anyway. So don't be shocked if they breakup but if they don't seem interested in your genitals as much as your personality.

Just believe in yourself and keep believing in yourself and post in forums if you need more help smiles hugs and support.

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