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Castiel

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Castiel

no matter how hard i try, i always seem to alienate myself from everyone... im always told how "negative" i am and that i refuse to see the positive side of things... well, let me explain that for 40+ years ive been abused, physically, verbally from everyone in my life... how else am i suppose to feel? nobody gives two fucks about my story or care to understand me... so explain to me, how am i suppose to connect when everyone around me is a fucking snob?

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SheIsBlue

Sorry to hear you are going through that Castiel. Considering that you have been battling your whole life, how you are feeling is normal. I had similar situations and decided to treat those people the way they were treating me. Well, you know what? They didn't like it and they stopped being mean to me. Not only that, but I decided to remove some people from my life. Yes, even some of them were family members, but I couldn't take their attacking me anymore. I am much happier now and only surround myself with people who like and love me. Everyone else can go pound sand! I suggest you do the same.

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Castiel

but the problem is, i dont have the social skills to meet new people... i dont trust anyone and i live alone in a city where i know nobody... im lost out here and dont have any support period... so what am i suppose to do?

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VVK

What's keeping you in the city? What skills do you have? What skills can you learn?

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SheIsBlue

What do you like to do? You can join a gym or a club. Get involved in your community; volunteer for something you are good at. Churches can always use a hand too. Most importantly, do something you like to do. When you are happy, people are more likely to approach you. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with someone. It doesn't have to be long either. Just a comment sometimes is enough to get things going. In any event, you cannot be afraid of people or they will sense that. Walk with your head high and a smile on your face. You will be surprised who will smile back.(:

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Castiel

first and foremost the big issue here is social anxiety disorder. that is what keeps me hidden away from the world, until i need to shop for food and then i go out... i havent told my therapist about this mess because i have so much going on inside my head im utterly overwhelmed with madness and i cant stop it... im totally losing my mind slowly and i have nobody who can help me...

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SheIsBlue

I am sorry, Castiel. I didn't realize your anxiety was that inhibiting. I have suffered from anxiety as well, so I do know how you feel. Why haven't you told your therapist? If you think he/she is not the right person to help you with this, find someone who specializes in SAD or see if you can find a behavioral health clinic in your area. Have you tried any medications? I know that sometimes the side effects can be worse than the actual illness. In any event, I think you should seek help for your condition. I know that will be hard for you, but life is too short and you shouldn't hide forever.

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SureWhyNot

I was agoraphobic for almost 4 yrs over a life situation that had nothing to do with HSV so I can relate. I too was not treated well in life until I learned to treat myself well. Your happiness is in your hands no matter what others offer you.

Look up Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). They will show many steps to complete the process. Since I understand it and have seen irrefutable evidence this works I do a simple short-cut form on myself. I tap my thumb and forefinger as it can be unobtrusive and done anywhere I need. If the situation is dire tap the location below your nose as that is the strongest point. Say the negative that is causing your distress and once you say the positive that is right for you and your situation you will actually feel waves of stress fall from you and you will be able to take control of you again! My situation was so bad one day and in a place I could not react as I would have chosen, Leave! I went into tapping. I had to mentally say at least 8 negatives then positives but then I said exactly what I needed for myself. I was probably mentally babbling and had no idea what I was saying but I will never forget the feeling of those negatives leaving me at that moment I needed most or what I said to myself to make it work! Pertinent only to me and my situation. You have your own triggers and releases.

You have soooooo much more power than you could ever imagine. You cannot stop others from being themselves but You can be the best You can be!

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Joperty

Hi, I feel like I can relate slightly to the not wanting to go out at all and not wanting to see people. It sounds like your life has been  incredibly tough, which i dont have experience off, but your reaching out for help and speaking to a therapist which are both great starring points in feeling better. I would recommend that anyone in your life that doesn't bring you any joy be should not be the people you spend time with, open up to your therapist,thats what they're there for and they will have some tips/steps for you to work towards. I also  think to get past how your feeling you need to get out of comfort zone.... Firstly  maybe  when you do the food shop make an effort smile and say hello to the cashier.... go out for walks  around natural environments, studies show it helps reduce stress, there's also great websites where u can meet others in your city who also don't know many people. Meetup is the one I used... that may feel a way off but it's an option. Someone mentioned classes- they're great . I did a bootcamp - never spoke to anyone really but it got me out of the house which helps.... its all about what you want and reminding yourself that you can do what you want. Plus now you see there's lots of people here who can relate,  and want to support and help :)

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Sanguine108
On 4/1/2015 at 3:47 PM, Castiel said:

but the problem is, i dont have the social skills to meet new people... i dont trust anyone and i live alone in a city where i know nobody... im lost out here and dont have any support period... so what am i suppose to do?

meetup.com,  online dating sites, just find something you enjoy doing and get passionate about it.  If you meet another soul serendipitously along the way then great.    If you're into spirituality then check out a group/church/temple/whatever...   Get involved with a book club.

The best way to find a partner is by not actually looking for a partner.   Ever since I got hsv, I've been consumed by my work.  Some of my favorite girlfriends (and a not so favorite) want to get more serious.   It's annoying but it just goes to show when you're fully involved in being yourself and living your truth that you will attract plenty of people.

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Hunter Haltand

I can relate to some of what you've experienced. I grew up being painfully shy. It was hard making any kind of connection, positive or negative; even when people reached out to me. I had two parents that didn't seem to understand me and a mother that wanted to change me instead of accepting me for who I was. As an adult I've had some serious trust issues with women. Since contracting herpes I've also dealt with depression.

If you haven't already, I highly recommend you find a good mental health counselor. A good counselor will "gives two fucks about [your] story" and take the time to understand you. I was in therapy for quite a few years but it was worth it. I worked through my childhood issues and several bad relationships. The process also brought up other issues to work on. It might be a good starting place.

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